Worst sex you've ever had

[WalterBlog]

I've read more of the thread and have a few more thoughts I wish to add.

To me it looks like 'bad sex' falls into two categories.

1 A small amount fall into the fate of "unfortunate circumstances" such as the dude who got the phone call saying the chicks brother had died. That's a real bummer.

2 But most of them are down to expectations not been met. This might be due to lack of experience, naivety, too much to drink or poor technique. Sex is a two way thing and something for the two (or more ) of you to enjoy together.

For the latter we have to learn from the bad and converted it to a good one or just move on......

Firstly a situation where fate played a hand. R24 is not a breeder and so for a middle aged woman her slot is still tight. Her womb is small and snug but fortunately for me , my large size (8 inches) can just about fit inside all be it I have to gentle easy in the last few inches in certain positions so that I don't nudge the top wall of the womb too hard.

On the face of it the sex is great, she climaxes whilst I'm in her and her cervix spasms around my hard cock so that we lock in place. She also gives very visible and vocal signs that I'm doing the right thing.

So "what's the problem?" you might ask? Well I know when I've reached the top of her womb as there is a little resistance and increased pressure on the head of my knob. It's a good pain that is endurable. However there was this one time when she is dipping up and down on me close to her climax when I suddenly got a severe stabbing sensation on the very tip of my shaft. It was a real sharp pain but I couldn't withdraw as she was on top of me and we had now locked and she was spasming violently around my trapped tool which was now been repeatedly been stabbed at its most sensitive area.

I didn't scream in agony but just winched and took this on the chin as a new experience before she rolled off me with satisfaction and I was finally released from the bonds of her tight love channel.
I looked at my todger to see that it was bright purple in one position and bruised. It remained very tender for several days after.

R24 was quiet chilled out by it all and had seen it before. Apparently I had hit her contraceptive coil that rested right at the very top of her womb and I had cut myself. She complimented me that only a really BIG dick could reach that far up her and be injured in such a manner . She also said that I took it like a man unlike another who cried out in pain and never had sex with her again.

It was unexpected and perhaps at the time could be rated as "poor" sex but I would endure it again to again validate my cock's good stature.

As an aside I would love to give her anal, but given my size she says she would need "a tub of lube and need to be very drunk"

Now some more stories of how my expectations weren't meant and how I dealt with them.

The longest relationship I had was with my my ex wife M14 . Sex would become mundane and predictable. An example of this would be half way through a session she would shout "doggy" and that was how session would often finish. This was the case for around 5 years. DULL! DULL! DULL!

I don't recall her ever having visible signs of an orgasm. She may have but I was at that stage in my sexual career where I didn't really care , I just wanted to get my rocks off. It wasn't really 'bad sex' just average and routine for far too long.

We stayed together for the sake of the kids but may be for too long.

On some levels I'm in awe of folks who stay married for many many years together, but then I think 'how good is the sex?'. I manage 13 years of 'the ball and chain' and to be honest divorce was sexual liberation for me.

There appear to be many "Dead fish syndrome" stories or "Reading in bed". Well we are all different and need slightly different stimuli to get off. I've certainly been given a really poor BJ before. Perhaps my mind was on an issue at work or the woman R22 was just plainly not my cuppa tea and didn't like my preference of swallowing, (her minge was also always sweaty and stunk too) Anyway I started looking at the ceiling and actually thought it needed painting!

Now I've actually fucked my ex wife whilst she was reading the Sunday papers. It had happened on a previous weekend so I just took advantage of a known situation.
When I got horny I mounted her and said that the broadsheet was too large and got in my way. It would be more practical if she had a glossy supplement. So I handed her one I'd selected specifically. It was a fashion one that she really got into whilst I did my business. What probably didn't dawn on her was that the cover (which faced me) was adorned with a very thin and sexy Kate Moss in a small bikini.
That morning I was fucking a super model not a flabby wife and hard working mum
Bad sex is what YOU make of it.


As for when a lady passes out or breaths all funny. Dont worry, you have done a good job. Sex is like learning a new language, just because you haven't seen something before, it may not be a bad thing.
Pat yourself on the back and remember the weird things that your partner's body undergoes when they finally orgasm. If they DON'T do them again then you know it's bad! These days if my partner (not me) doesn't orgasm at least once, it's a bad session and I've failed as a lover!

Counting or reciting the alphabet. Remember it's a marathon not a sprint! Perhaps the partner is using techniques to prolong the making love?
Certainly I used to run through my mind the major sports teams in the top division . The reason was that if I hadn't seen J18 for X days. I had to grant her X orgasms before I was to get inside her and cum myself . As each orgasm was achieved an item of clothing would then be taken off her. ( yes I could make her climax just by kissing her on the train coming home so rubbing her crotch whilst she was in her jeans was possible with my technique)
Finally she would be naked and I would cum copiously inside her very wet pussy on her X climax.

Now this method works for me up to 5/6 , but then I would want to discharge my weapon, basically the animal in me gets control of my body. That said I've repeated my system to gift her 24 orgasms in 24 hours. (honestly she couldn't walk comfortably for days afterwards)

Sex is as much about a state of mind as the physical aspects and to have "good sex" is a joint responsibility.

The bottom line is that if it's crud and you're not satisfied. It's time to move on and find you soul mate.

[andyt29]

Was dating a girl whose handjob made it feel like she was trying to rip my dick from my body. It was early on and she clearly didn't know and I was just happy to have a girl with her hand down my pants. I did my best to tolerate it for as long as I could, again girl touching me, but it got so excruciating I had to get her to stop. It was just a disaster.

[DiegoJames]

Gotta say...there's no bad sex. If it's in, and it spits, it's fine. In ALL circumstances.

[Summer120]

I was seeing this girl, we’ll call her K, for maybe all of 4weeks before I just had to stop and move on.

K had a great smile, curly hair, stood about 5’3, SUPER curvy with one of the biggest butt’s and hugest natural breasts I have ever seen on a lady-and some of you know many of these shorter ladies have huge butt’s. Built to a size to be able to twirl around and carry

The first night K and I hooked up it was probably the funnest and best she could offer. I drove us home from a night out and she got topless in the car in a dare and blew me on the drive to her house. Once at her place, I really felt a woman with those curves would know how to move but I felt I had to direct the performance waaaaay too much. It wasn’t a matter of the “first time jitters” or her being shy either. She climbed on top and legit just bounced up in down in the most awkward ride I had even had. I several times had to instruct her to move her hips into it or grind etc etc. It was like a damn pogo stick I tell ya! I had to legit roll and toss her around to my liking.

We discussed it immediately the next day or two about her experience. It wasn’t that I was her first or second experience either, which I could understand if she was near a virgin. So I was boggled by her performance. We had sex the next few times sober and the stiffness in her never got loose.

We went at it a few more times over the next few weeks. K did tend to drink a lot and be pretty drunk by the end of each night. She was a monster a making out and the hot and heavy getting into it aspect. She was becoming a master at the good old two hand stroke and suck technique and even loved being tit fucked to completion and cummed on(because there was no effort on her end). But once it came time to have sex, it was dead fishing season.

The last two times we had sex, she was drunk-and I felt would loosen up a bit. But NOPE, she would be so drunk to the point of her slowly nodding off to sleep. So I would then attempt to wake her up and she would be zonked out. I’m sure some would still pump away, but I would be so over this girl that I would just grab my things and leave haha.

That killed it for me.
I’m sure I could have kept what I felt like was “training her”. But the lack of effort and drunkeness was too much to deal with.

Months later I did hook up with her friend. In my car, her place, at a party and once in a hotel. She was pretty amazing and she told me that the word on the street about K was that she is terrible in bed. SO IT WAS KNOWN! Hearing that was some relief and a bit sad :/

I still see K now and again to this day. I am ALWAYS in awe of her frame, smile, hair and curves, but I will always think of how bad she is in bed.

Photo attached she sent a few days after some rough boob play

[piecenick]

I was about to have sex with this woman, when I took my pants off she started screaming. Of course she didn't know we were about to have sex.

[nectcouple]

Originally Posted by piecenick

I was about to have sex with this woman, when I took my pants off she started screaming. Of course she didn't know we were about to have sex.

Funny stuff!

[hoosierdaddy4]

Better screaming than falling down laughing.

[nectcouple]

Originally Posted by hoosierdaddy4

Better screaming than falling down laughing.

LMFAO!

[driftwood3791]

Originally Posted by raysallx

I've had a few...
Dead fish are the worse. Had two that didn't make a single sound or movement of any kind. Much less exciting than masturbating. I've been with several multiple orgasming women; that's the gold standard.

That's an excellent point about masturbation. Any suggestions how to cure a Dead fish?

[Windsorm]

In my single-in-my-50s years, I discovered that a week of flirting online with a woman in her 40s/50s was generally enough to get her into my bed.

One lady was incredibly enthusiastic online, very flirty, lots of sex talk, can’t wait for Friday. She said she lived with her mother, sister and daughter, and sister could be abusive, so we agreed I’d drive to hers, pick her up, drive back to mine. I did this, although driving into and out of London was a pain.

Once back at mine we sat on the sofa and started drinking wine. Then she said her phone was ringing, went out of the room, came back five minutes later “it’s all kicked off at home, I have to go”. I was convinced there hadn’t been a phone call and she had cold feet. (Yes, she’s entitled to, but I prefer not to be lied to.) Ever the gentleman, I said I’d drive her home, no hard feelings. (See what I did there?)

So the worst sex was no sex, although I might have escaped easily from a woman with too many issues to be tangled up with.

But the best thing was as we drove away from my house, before we got to the end of the street, my car had a puncture. So she had to get a taxi, which she whined about a bit, as she “worked freelance” and had very little money. But I didn’t offer to pay for it. Bye then.