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#1
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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied! , "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started... |
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#2
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SANTA’S PICK UP LINES
•I know when you`ve been bad or good — so let’s skip the small talk, sister! •Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? •Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? •I know when you`ve been bad or good — so let’s skip the small talk, sister! •Some of my best toys run on batteries… <wink wink> •I see you when you’re sleeping - and you don’t wear any underwear, do you? •Screw the “nice” list — I’ve got you on my “nice AND naughty” list! •Wanna join the “Mile High” club? •That’s not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I’m just glad to see you! |
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#3
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10 Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a
Woman •10. A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. •09. Christmas trees don’t get mad if you use exotic electrical devices. •08. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. •07. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls. •06. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home. •05. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you look up underneath it. •04. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away. •03. A Christmas tree doesn’t get jealous around other Christmas trees. •02. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you watch football all day. •01. A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck. |
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#4
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Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at
the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something “Christmassy”. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?” The third man answered “They’re Carol’s.” |
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#5
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WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN
1.A Christmas tree is always erect. 2.Even small ones give satisfaction. 3.A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights. 4.A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on. 5.A Christmas tree is always happy with its size. 6.A Christmas tree has cute balls. 7.A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls. 8.You can throw a Christmas tree out when it’s past its ’sell by’ date. 9.You don’t have to put up with a Christmas tree all year. |
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#6
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No parent in their right mind would give a 6-year-old a drum set, therefore
Santa exists!! The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. |
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#7
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A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: “Anyone want to buy a present?”
Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered “No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!” I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for! I think that Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. |
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#8
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Q: Do you know why Santa dosen’t have any children ???
A: he only comes once a year and thats down a chimney … |
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#9
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Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit |
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#10
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How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ? They go into town, and blow a few bucks. ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ? Because the snowblower was coming down the block. |
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