Arranging play time for your wife/partner with another woman

[indym]

I'm struggling with the best way to frame this question, so my apologies if it is confusing.

For men who have a partner that enjoys being with another woman or man, do you find that you take the lead in arranging playtime, or does your wife/GF set things up? I'm really curious to hear how guys who have to set it up go about it.

Obviously, finding someone compatible to join you is a huge task, but assuming you've crossed that bridge, I'm curious how successful your attempts are. Is it about 50 percent of the time that it works out? Less or more?

My wife hasn't been interested in a second guy but has played with her girlfriend and really likes it. The three of us played together, and everything has been good. No feelings or jealousy. Her girlfriend doesn't live close by (a few hours away), but they talk and txt multiple times a day. She recently even went on spring break vacation with us (along with another friend and my MIL), and we had a great time.

I obviously think about it a lot and would love for it to happen again, even if I'm not involved. My wife is very interested but hasn't taken steps to set anything up. I'm going to try and set something up for the two of them and offer to sit it out if they want if that is a concern.

I want to be pushy enough to make things happen if she wants them to happen, but not so pesky that it causes problems. For those of you in a similar situation, how do you strike a good balance?

I plan to talk to our friend tonight and see what happens.

[bj2001holt]

I have but it probably wasnt as big of a deal really. The girls wanted to have a girls weekend away and I planned it for them. Nice spa hotel up in the mountains with a suite 1 big king sized bed for 2 nights. Nice dinners, hiking, some wine tours and spa package.

I had FOMO the whole weekend but my wife kept me updated every time they had sex and how much fun it was to just be girls free for the weekend to do whatever they want and have sex as much as they want without having to deal with kids, etc. The special friend is still a good friend of our but she is in a long term relationship now so there are still girls weekends with some cuddling but no sex is what I am told.

[indym]

Originally Posted by bj2001holt

The special friend is still a good friend of our but she is in a long term relationship now so there are still girls weekends with some cuddling but no sex is what I am told.

Great conversation last night, but we need to continue talking. Your sentence I quoted has a tie to our situation, too.

I’m not judging and don’t want to come across that way, so please don’t read it like that. I find it interesting that your friend was comfortable with things even though it sounds like you and your partner are in a long term relationship, but it isn’t if she is in one. Lots of things factor into that, I’m sure. That is a little bit of the concern with us but in a different way. The GF is really concerned about things getting weird between the three of us, which I appreciate. The planning out in advance weighs on her a little, and that we are in a committed relationship came up indirectly.

I’m still kind of surprised about my wife and her GF. They are both confident women, and I’ve rarely seen them act shy. They were not shy about having sex at all once the trigger was pulled, but they both are shy talking about wanting to hook up with each other if that makes sense. I thought she might be struggling with the same sex sexual feelings part of it, but I don’t believe that is the case. I asked her that in a different way, and her response gave me no impression that she has any problem with being with whoever she wants. When I asked her if she often thought about being with my wife, she was totally different and shy. I told her that we talk about my wife being with her and the effect it has, and she got quiet. I had to ask if she was still there. I asked if that bothered her, and she said no. I asked if it excited her a little, and she said yes. When I asked if it excited her a lot, she laughed.

This might not be everyone’s thing, but my wife likes to lick her fingers after playing with herself. I dared her to go to the bathroom at work on Monday, finger herself, and lick her fingers. I told her to close her eyes and txt me later who she fantasized she was tasting. I knew it would be her GF, but I wanted her to say it. I told the GF that, and I think she really liked it! I told her to do the same, and she said, “maybe.”

I talk and txt with her GF all the time, but I feel a little guilty not being exactly upfront with my wife about it. It told her GF that she didn’t know that I was calling about this, but it is something I wouldn’t hide from her. I just didn’t want it to be awkward if she wasn’t interested.

[FarleyGingle]

Arranging play time between a wife and the third creates a more swinger-like dynamic IMO.

I expect my wife would gladly have sex with a female, but it would have to include the 'plausible deniability' element. It would have to be a semi-drunk hook up, maybe a one time thing. It would have to be without a stigma, so kept secret. It would have to keep me in my comfort zone, she wouldn't want to change our relationship. It would likely not be a threesome, for fear of an emotional connection. And, she would not want pressure from me to go further or do more than she was comfortable with. That's a really strict set of conditions.

Arranging loses the deniability, but solves a whole bunch more.

[indym]

Originally Posted by FarleyGingle

Arranging play time between a wife and the third creates a more swinger-like dynamic IMO.

I expect my wife would gladly have sex with a female, but it would have to include the 'plausible deniability' element. It would have to be a semi-drunk hook up, maybe a one time thing. It would have to be without a stigma, so kept secret. It would have to keep me in my comfort zone, she wouldn't want to change our relationship. It would likely not be a threesome, for fear of an emotional connection. And, she would not want pressure from me to go further or do more than she was comfortable with. That's a really strict set of conditions.

Arranging loses the deniability, but solves a whole bunch more.

I absolutely agree that arranging playtime in advance adds a different vibe to things. I don't get that either of them needs or wants "plausible deniability," though. Maybe that is it, and I'm just misreading things. This got me thinking about it a little more deeply about it... I'm positive neither of them has ever had to make the first move with a guy!

I feel like they are waiting for the other to start things off or make a move. They might be reluctant to put themselves out there and take the chance when an opportunity comes up. My wife is a little submissive, and we play a kind of silly game where I edge her along, and when she is about to cum I ask her questions. Her answers are always so blunt and honest. I ask a lot of kink stuff, and I've asked her about her GF. I asked her if she wanted to eat her GF while we were all together over spring break vacation, and it sent her over the edge. Besides being turned on, all I can think is, why didn't you!

I'm trying to walk a line and nudge without ruining things. I think I need to come up with a code word, lol...