Birth of a crazy chick episode 1

[smjimmie1348]

Part 3 is almost done on paper so will prob post it by the end of today and will try to get part 4 to you by Sunday

[jimmythehand]

I think I'm just going to quit while I'm behind. It's possible that what you're saying makes perfect sense but I'm just not getting it. I think maybe our minds just work too differently... good luck with your writing.

[smjimmie1348]

Thank you I guess

[smjimmie1348]

This is part 3 of " Birth of A Crazy Chick" and last part we saw aj lee strip Eva Marie of her shirt revealing a red bra and tossing her head first into lockers and onto the floor we have a update for you because of the attacks on Eva Marie by aj lee on friday night smackdown Eva Marie has suffered a slight concussion and will be out until after summerslam or maybe even more now lets get part 3 started shall we

Micheal cole - " we are live on Monday Night Raw and let's take you back to this past friday night smackdown where aj lee was embarassed after being stripped down to her underwear by the divas champion Paige last week on Monday night raw she attacked Eva Marie in the diva's locker room and stripped her of her shirt to reveal Eva Marie's red bra and, we heard from the doctors that Eva Marie suffered a concussion so she will be out so therefore there will be a Fatal 4 Way Elimination Match for the right to face Paige at summerslam for the diva's title later tonight between Natalya, AJ Lee, Nikki Bella, and finally Summer Rae"

Lillian Garcia - " this is a fatal 4 way elimination match for the no 1 contendership for the diva's title and the only way to eliminate somebody is by pinfall or submission" Then, " Stars of The Night" plays over the speakers and here comes the diva's champion Paige in a red dress and she walks over to the announce table and sits down right beside JBL and says " hey there old chaps" and, Micheal Cole says " Paige how do you feel about AJ Lee stripping Eva Marie of her shirt last week on Friday Night Smackdown" and Paige says " she shouldn't have done that because me , her, Natalya, and Naomi have built this diva's division to a respectable level and we will not degrade ourselves like we did in the past" .

Then, Micheal Cole - says " wait didn't you last week on Monday Night Raw strip AJ down to her underwear" and Paige was silent so then, Micheal Cole said " ok let's shift it back to ringside for our main event" and, we are back for our main event of Monday Night Raw where we have a Fatal 4 Way Elimination Match for the Number One Contendership for the diva's title which happens to be in the possession of our guest Paige " so here we go we have AJ Lee vs Summer Rae vs Nikki vs Natalya , and Summer went after AJ for what she did to Eva Marie on Friday Night Smackdown , but Natalya grabbed Summer first and irishwhipped her into the turnbuckle for when she broke Nattie's nose then, Nattie got on the turnbuckle and started punching Summer back and forth then, Summer went for a slap but, Nattie dodged it and, kicked her in the gut , then irishwhipped her into the other turnbuckle then, ran at her but, Summer jumped and rolled through and the ref saw this and, counted 1 2 3 so Natalya has been eliminated then, Summer looked down at Nattie and laughed at her then, Nattie speared her and, put her in the Sharpshooter and, Summer tapped out then, Nattie left and all that happened while AJ and Nikki were outside the ring fighting and AJ was on the barricade and, Nikki went for a spear but, AJ moved out of the way and Nikki crashes through the barricade then, AJ saw Summer struggling to get up and ran in the ring and put her in the black widow and, Summer tapped out so then there were 2 it was just between AJ Lee and Nikki Bella who was also struggling to get up after that crash through the barricade then, AJ saw this and, got out of the ring and grabbed Nikki and rolled her in the ring when someone in the crowd said " AJ is Crazy" and, AJ went over there and grabbed the woman's hair and pulled her over the barricade and grabbed her shirt and pulled it off exposing the woman's pink bra then she threw the shirt back at her while the woman was trying to cover up her pink bra then, AJ got in the ring and saw Nikki getting up and went for a dropkick but, Nikki rolled away and the dropkick hit the ref and it knocked him outside of the ring then, Nikki grabbed AJ from behind and put her in the torture rack and AJ tapped out but there was no ref then, Nikki dropped AJ face first onto the canvas then, the crowd roared as Brie came running down the aisle and speared the unsuspecting Nikki and then she picked her up and gave her a bella buster then rolled AJ on top of her and the ref crawled back into the ring after Brie had left and he slowly counted 1 2 3 so your winner and the new no 1 contender for the diva's title is AJ Lee and Paige got in the ring and aj had her back turned to her and Paige went for a cheap shot with the belt but, Aj dodged it and put Paige in the black widow and Paige tapped out but that didnt matter to aj as she let go of it and Paige fell to the canvas and there was Paige face down in the ring wearing a red dress and aj was like yea I should and grabbed her dress and pulled it off exposing Paige's white bra and pink thong and then Aj got out of the ring still holding Paige's dress and started skipping to the back so what will happen in Part 4 let me know what you think of part 3 and what you think will happen in part 4 but stay tuned to find out

[hanskumoekk]

You started well with the paragraphs, but then you suddenly stopped making those.

With that said: Punctuations. You say you're trying to get better, but you just completely ignore the biggest flaw that everyone has been pointing out. This is incredibly necessary to become a better writer.

I'll give you a proof read assignment: Read your first paragraph and count how many punctuations you are using there. Read it again and put in punctuations at all the right places. Do this (all the time!), and you will instantly become triple the writer you are today.

[DrVillian]

can you put paragraphs in please i can not read the last bit.

[smjimmie1348]

If you say I didn't have no punctuations clearly u didnt read my story and if I put it in paragraphs it's like taking a break from the action and they don't until the match is over and so will I because it makes sense this is a wwe story

[DrVillian]

Yeah but the nature of your story shouldn't stop you from using simple English that every child learns, and as for your punctuation you use no full stops or capital letters that I could see in your story. You say you want to get better but every time someone makes a valid comment you fail to change what you did wrong in your story, so why should people believe you?

[MickGesitt]

I'm not going to bother translating this one. If you don't care about making it readable then why should I?

. << That's called a period. You use them to break up your thoughts into smaller things called 'sentences'. A period allows you to take a breath before you continue onward. Putting in random commas doesn't count as punctation. Try reading some of your writing out loud. Take a breath every time you see a .(period) or a ,(comma). You'll be lightheaded before long. If you call this punctuation I'm left wondering how you ever passed high school english class.

There's clearly no point in teaching you about grammar so let's move on. I managed to read your match but there was a glaring plot hole. Why did Brie Bella attack Nikki Bella? Your story takes place BEFORE SummerSlam. Nikki hasn't turned on Brie yet. You never stated that you'd moved the Brie/Stephane Match to an earlier show or changed the Brie/Nikki situation so basically Brie just attacked Nikki for no reason.

This story suffers from the same issues as your Pokemon story. A general lack of punctuation, lack of description and a lack of proper story structure.

I know this sounds mean. But you clearly don't listen to the people that are trying to help you get better. If you're not going to put any effort into making your work readable then no one is going to bother reading it.

[smjimmie1348]

Hey I do try I thought I was doing punctuation with the commas and I have capital letters with every time I wrote a divas name and I know you all are trying to help but comments like it u use that punctuation I be surprised if u passed your high school English class that comment is stupid and I'm not intertwining Brie and nikki saga in here just having aj weasel her way to a win so she could regain what's rightfully hers and that's the divas title