how to get husband to allow me to have lover

[madahab]

Originally Posted by ttttttbd

My generic advice: if you want a man to understand you or you want him a problem to be solved, wait for the right moment, and then tell him what you need (understanding or problem solving), and tell him your opinion completely and explicitly, pinpoint what needs action on his part, and ask him explicitly to do that action. Dropping hints doesn't work for most men, or eventually it might turn out to be much worse than being completely quiet.

And this is advice for ALL "what about how we have sex" talk - it's best done away from the moment. In the moment it gets too heated for all parties. Best to bring it up at another time - do NOT wait until he's boning you and ask "hey, wouldn't you like to see someone else do this to me?".

And as others pointed out, reciprocity counts. "Would you let me watch you do it with someone else? Would you watch me? It could be hot?"

As you might have learned, some guys really enjoy watching their woman getting it from another guy. Others can't take it. Sorry to say, you can't influence how he feels, you can only find out. Best to do it in a way that's not threatening to him.

[jjanda_2000]

Originally Posted by MrWooHoo

Thirdly, can you communicate when problems come up? How good are you at discussing things?

- Spot on. And the most honest answers to those questions (which are "no", and "not well") can be found in earlier posts.

[DRDavenport]

Originally Posted by sonalsinghsl*t

I am in the US living now and my husband is American. I only seek to explore with his blessing at this point. Thanks so much. But does a lady say to life mate "let's go to the swinging club" outright so? Thanks again for all the thoughts from you.

It's usually men who initiate the idea. There's an old saying, "When a man takes his wife to a swing club, he has to drag her in kicking and screaming. When it's time to leave, he has to drag her OUT kicking and screaming." It would certainly be unnerving for most men for the wife to just come out with that suggestion.

But when you go to a swing club, you don't have to have sex with others. We went half a dozen times before we had any contact with anyone else. It was just hot to watch and play with each other.

Other posts have suggested that you watch some porn together. See that you get some that involves group sex, and see how he reacts.

On another note, your dissatisfaction seems to be that he doesn't last long enough to satisfy you. He may be suffering from premature ejaculation. There are ways to improve this situation. A urologist can help. There are desensitizing creams that will slow him down. The big question is: Does he know you are unsatisfied, and does he care? He has to know before he can care. If he knows & cares for you, he will seek help with the issue. If he knows & doesn't care, dump him now.

DR

[sonalsinghsl*t]

Originally Posted by elske

I'm not sure what kind of guy your husband is - is he a liberal person?
Do you talk about sex? or do you just do it?
Do u guys ever talk about your fantasies? do you watch erotic movies together?

We are both pretty liberal, but don't talk much about or do much of the sex. I have never asked him of his fantasies. He has not asked me of these things in much time. We don't watch the porn together, but I pretty sure he watches on the computers.

[Barmixer]

Originally Posted by sonalsinghsl*t

I think I could definately handle something for him too, but I fear that I am not having much to put into the trade- his 45 seconds with the woman for the man pleasing me for many many thrusts. Maybe a hard bargain to be striking. Thanks so much for the pointers, however.

I think this statement says it all - his 45 seconds of staying power leaves her frustrated - maybe he needs some help!

[blackesteyes]

Maybe you should try a little reverse psychology...you know, suggest that the person do the opposite of what you really want? Tell him you hope he never wants to share you and the idea will probably turn him on immediately.

And I also think that you should avoid posting any more sexy pics of your gorgeous bod here.

[flaheat0707]

Originally Posted by sonalsinghsl*t

Thanks for your offer of helping. There are other men we know that are attractive to me and that I have wondered about sexually or that I have heard things about sexually from their wives or lovers. Finding a candidate for my fulfillment seems like it would be easy. I think my husband know there is missing somethings for sure in the penetration department, but I have never expressly voiced dissatisfaction clearly. The dropping of hints in that regard are not getting picked up upon by him.

No offense but your post comes across to me as if you might be part of his problem. Its true that there are guys out there better equipped than others, but they have might have different motives than you too. If you really just want to be treated like a piece of meat then I'm sure you'll have no problem, but if your looking for satisfaction beyond being plugged like a pornstar then what your thinking about might not be the best solution. If you cheat, it will haunt you if you have even an ounce of a soul. If you go into something fun with your husband then it could be great and very satisfying but everything I've read leads me to believe that won't be the case.

At any rate, I wish you and your husband the best. Try to make things work with him, not just for yourself... it'll be better in the long run that way.

[sonalsinghsl*t]

Originally Posted by DRDavenport

On another note, your dissatisfaction seems to be that he doesn't last long enough to satisfy you. He may be suffering from premature ejaculation. There are ways to improve this situation. A urologist can help. There are desensitizing creams that will slow him down. The big question is: Does he know you are unsatisfied, and does he care? He has to know before he can care. If he knows & cares for you, he will seek help with the issue. If he knows & doesn't care, dump him now.

DR

Oh no, he definately knows and we are caring very much about this. If he was jerk about it and other things of the bed I certainly no be with him or marry him. We have tried many attempted remedies to no avail, or with complications that make them not being worth it. He try very hard to please, always with especially the oral and the fingers and long massages, the foot rubs, and you be naming it. So we are not completely without the communication on the sexual things. He just quite small, very fast acting and even over last years can complete himself without being fully firm. Like the three strikes. Our home movies would be much enjoyed by those into the humiliation or small penis genre. I no cheat because we care for each other so.

[sonalsinghsl*t]

Originally Posted by xxedge72x

if you have even an ounce of a soul.

I no get this. I seek the advice as lady from friendly strangers and think I make clear that I no want to cheat, but want his blessing to experiment, so to be speaking. If parties agree I thought it was not considered like the cheating. I have read that of those with more open relationships. I just looking for ideas on how to start this discussion that has as its underpinnings a hard truth for the man that woman not fulfilled. I no Aretha Franklin but am believing myself to have suffient soul.

[DRDavenport]

Originally Posted by sonalsinghsl*t

Oh no, he definately knows and we are caring very much about this. If he was jerk about it and other things of the bed I certainly no be with him or marry him. We have tried many attempted remedies to no avail, or with complications that make them not being worth it. He try very hard to please, always with especially the oral and the fingers and long massages, the foot rubs, and you be naming it. So we are not completely without the communication on the sexual things. He just quite small, very fast acting and even over last years can complete himself without being fully firm. Like the three strikes. Our home movies would be much enjoyed by those into the humiliation or small penis genre. I no cheat because we care for each other so.

If he is as caring with other partners as he is with you, then you and he will welcome at swing clubs and other sharing venues. Most ladies are happy to be pleasured in many ways other than being pounded by the biggest dick in the house.

DR