April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know sex." he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh ...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here,' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,"What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."

[osreb]

We took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park for a picnic.

My seven year old read the sign with the playground rules to his brother.

"Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion." "Go down the slide while sitting, only." "Only one child on a swing at a time." (There were a good twenty rules.)

The boys promised to obey them if I would let them play without Daddy standing by. So, I joined my wife at the picnic table.

Just before it was time to eat, I went over and watched them play. They were obeying the rules, that is, all but one. On the tall semicircular slide, they were coming down head first!

I took them over to the posted regulations. We read them, again. I asked the boys what they had to say for themselves.

"Oh, don't be silly, Dad...no one uses the slide rule anymore!"

__._,_.___

[osreb]

A very avid golfer was lined up and ready on the 17th tee when out of the woods came a naked girl who ran past him and into the woods on the other side of the tee. Being the avid golfer he was, he once again beared down on the ball and right in the middle of his backswing a guy in a white coat ran out of the woods and asked him if a naked lady ran past.

Our golfer said, "Yes, she ran into the woods."

The guy in the white coat said thanks and ran after her. Our golfer again prepared to hit the ball when all of a sudden another man in a white coat came out of the woods carrying a 5 gallon bucket of sand and asked if he had seen a man in a white coat come through here chasing a naked lady. He said, "Yes, they ran that way through the woods."

The man said thanks and started to run off when the golfer stopped him and asked, "Hey, what's going on?"

The guy explained, "You see we work at a sanitarium institution nearby and every now and then that girl gets away and all she wants to do is get naked and fuck."

The golfer then asked, "Well what's the bucket of sand for?"

The guy in the white coat said, "Oh, that's my handicap. You see, I caught her last time!"

[osreb]

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

[osreb]

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"


The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde,
gave me a strange look and said,

Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[osreb]

This almost put a lump in my throat...almost a sacred moment on life!.

I seldom pass along inspirational stuff, but this one got to me.
I do believe, that in these difficult and mean-spirited times in
which we live, there needs to be a message of hope.
We can all use a single image that speaks to us of love, harmony.
peace, and joy.

An image that suggests the universality of us all.
I have been sent that image, and I want to share it with You.
All I ask is that you take a moment to reflect upon it...pic 1

[osreb]

A guest on Groucho Marx's "You Bet Your Life" television show was a woman who had given birth to twenty-two children.

"I love my husband," the woman explained sheepishly.

"I love my cigar too," Groucho said, "but I take it out once in a while."

[osreb]

Just a simple statement of fact...pic 1

[BlindOwl]

OK. . . so 99.9% of the Humor here is in the written form of jokes, with sexy pictures attached.

However I'd like to share a few Humorous pictures I have found . . . hope you don't mind.

[BlindOwl]

OK. . . so 99.9% of the Humor here is in the written form of jokes, with sexy pictures attached.

However I'd like to shae a few Humorous pictures I have found . . . hope you don't mind.