[Request] Trying to find - hawaii girl, loses job (and uniform), ends up humiliated

[mopup323]

Trying to find a story I came across a long while back. A college girl gets fired from her delivery job, is forced to give up her uniform on the spot, gets caught naked and sent to an orphanage as she's mistaken for being younger, and then found by her class mates. I think it takes place in Hawaii - anyone know of it?

[mdot]

It's called "Keilani's Long Vacation."

http://toddcheese.tripod.com/Keilani.html

[mopup323]

Ah.. thanks for the link.

[afterthefall]

This is without a doubt the best AR humiliation series running and I would love to see more. Can't wait until Todd cheese gets around to continuing it.


ATF

[Adkit]

I usually like ENF stories but God damnit that was badly written. There is no way that could ever happen to anyone in the history of ever. x.x And I don't mind a bit of weird or unlikely stories but in order to enjoy something you need to be able to believe it could happen, at the very least in the context and world it is happening in. And that story does NOT sell it.

There's another ENF series about a girl called "Erica" who keeps ending up naked, I like them because they actually tell a story that makes you think it could happen, in those Erica has to follow along with the idea that she's a little girl because if they realized she was a grownup they'd be very harsh on her and she'd be in trouble. In this story it's just a poor reason to get the story going.

Sorry but this wasn't good stuff.

[cerindclvr]

Plausibility doesnt have TOO much a place in this kind of fiction. that said, I don't think it was badly written. sure, I almost feel frustrated for Keilani, but as far as description, setup, plot, etc... its all fine and good as far as it relates to setting up the AR scenario. She always screws herself over by acting like a child right when she could've saved herself.
I'm a fan of all things Todd Cheese, although personally I prefer his work with higher, how shall we say... ENF content. The Keilani story is surprisingly light on the stripping and public nudity, etc. That'd be my only real knock on it. Absolutely great stuff otherwise.

[MysteriousOne]

not a fan of that story really, whilst I accept plausibility does get thrown out the proverbial window quite often I feel it's one of those stories which goes too far and does it too often, there's just a million gaping plotholes, firstly can anyone here honestly say they dont know off hand the landline phone number of at least one relative other than parents?

The other massive problem I have with it is the story is extremely depressive, there's never a ray of hope, moment of revenge for example or at least something up lifting, it's just a constant string of life ruining events and for me it ruins any enjoyment of the story.

[Adkit]

Originally Posted by cerindclvr

Plausibility doesnt have TOO much a place in this kind of fiction. that said, I don't think it was badly written. sure, I almost feel frustrated for Keilani, but as far as description, setup, plot, etc... its all fine and good as far as it relates to setting up the AR scenario. She always screws herself over by acting like a child right when she could've saved herself.
I'm a fan of all things Todd Cheese, although personally I prefer his work with higher, how shall we say... ENF content. The Keilani story is surprisingly light on the stripping and public nudity, etc. That'd be my only real knock on it. Absolutely great stuff otherwise.

It's not a matter of "plausibility doesn't have too much of a place in this kind of fiction", it's a matter of "it would've been easy to fix". It's lazy writing. For example: in the Erica stories the girl keeps getting naked in weird ways, sure. But the reason why she doesn't just go "hey... uh... can someone give me some clothes, this is kind of stupid" is because she is turned on by being seen and doesn't want to admit it, even to herself. That is a plausible reason for a girl to accept being mistaken for a 12 year old. Not "oh, she's pulling my arm I guess I have to go along with it".

Main problem: this is not how humans act and react therefore I can't relate or understand the plot. If it was just a porno then I'd be fine with it but a story I need to be able to get immersed with. :P

[shino]

Originally Posted by 1234567891011

not a fan of that story really, whilst I accept plausibility does get thrown out the proverbial window quite often I feel it's one of those stories which goes too far and does it too often, there's just a million gaping plotholes, firstly can anyone here honestly say they dont know off hand the landline phone number of at least one relative other than parents?

The other massive problem I have with it is the story is extremely depressive, there's never a ray of hope, moment of revenge for example or at least something up lifting, it's just a constant string of life ruining events and for me it ruins any enjoyment of the story.

In the day and age of cell phones, where all numbers are stored in your phone so you don't need to dial them... it's really not surprising at all that she wouldn't know off hand the numbers of her relatives. I don't. I have them stored in my phone. The only numbers I have memorized are my parents.

[MysteriousOne]

true but none of my older relatives use mobiles and landlines are dead easy to remember, what about addresses, i'm sure by law every effort would have to be made to contact the parents