The Great Bride Thread

[osreb]

Bob can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor.

The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his Penis are broken
down and there's nothing he can Do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.

Bob asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him They take the
muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the
base of his penis, and hope for the best.

Bob says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never Having sex
again is even scarier, so he says ok.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later
he gives Bob the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".

Bob takes his wife out to dinner. While at dinner Bob starts Feeling
incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no
one can see him so he undoes his pants.

No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, Rolls
across the table, grabs an apple from the fruit basket, And disappears
back into his pants.

His wife sits in shock for a Few moments, and then gets a sly look On her face.

She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?"
With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Bob says,
"Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another apple up my ass"

[osreb]

My wife and I went to the Florida State Fair's 4-H area. A lot of really neat exhibits showing what Future Farmers and the next generation of agricultural entrepreneurs can accomplish

One of the last exhibits we stopped at (the very last) was the breeding bulls area.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and said,
'He mated 50 times last year.'


We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'



My she gave me a healthy jab and said,
'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .........You could learn a lot from him.'


The sign at the third pen...In capital letters, said
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'



She was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'


I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical
To stable and I should eventually make a full recovery..


I'll probably skip the Fair next year

[osreb]

Asian bride shares her hoeymoon pics I
********************************
Missing Husband

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report
that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair,
an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the
children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby,
bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Well, I don't want THAT one back."

[osreb]

Another Asian bride shares her hoeymoon pics II
********************************
Third Grade

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks
were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom, "Sally is a smart
little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have
an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's Dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back, "Please
let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it
out on her mother."
*

[canepar]

When my sister in law got married she had the photographer take some intimate photos of her in just veil and her white lace lingerie for her hubby enjoyment.

But sometimes, things just happen. The photographer, who included these photos only in her album, sent it accidentally to my parents'.

I took this photos out of the album before somebody could see but keep them only for my pleasure.

Of course, nobody has claimed for the photos.

[osreb]

My grandmother died in the 70s, but her birthday is coming up, and that
always causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store
in town, the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds
or washing the sidewalk...

Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the
crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13. We were
sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for
the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.

She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own
family. ' And always remember this,' she said. 'Be sure you marry a
woman with small hands.'

'How come, Grandma?' I asked her.

She answered in her soft voice.

'Makes your dick look bigger.'

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[oldbuckeye]

ready to make hubby (and us) happy

[osreb]

Master Card Wedding

You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a
private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes,
he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here.'

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out
about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000

Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy,
for everything else there's MASTERCARD


A Mastercard Wedding

'Life isn't like a bowl
of cherries or peaches,
it's more like a jar of Jalapenos--
what you do today,
might burn your ass tomorrow......'

[jeffyb05]

Can we see that 8 x 10 pic of the bride and best man fucking? It's only fair since you mentioned it....

[osreb]

..but I don't.
*********************************
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Bud Light and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife,

and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20

jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Bud Light and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25,

we have a husband down.'