April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

Stupid question, excellent response!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian.

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:!
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, this interview was over.

[Fango]

Originally Posted by osreb

Stupid question, excellent response!

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...3&d=1253672374

Simply stunning! I hope there's more of her out there somewhere.

Thanks

Fango

[osreb]

WHEN I SAY 'I'M BROKE'.....I'M BROKE !!
Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a
well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded
to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed
wide open.
'Don't be too hasty!' he said.
'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he
emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a good appetite,
because they cut off my electricity this morning.

What part of BROKE don't you understand'???

[osreb]

A rich man and a poor man were sitting in a bar late one night. They were talking about different things and then the poor man asked the rich man what he bought his wife for her birthday. "I got her a brand new Mercedes Benz and a 24-carat diamond ring," says the rich man.
The poor man, a bit puzzled, asked, "Why the hell did you get her both?"
The rich man replied, "I got her both so if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive her new car back to the jeweler's to exchange it. So...What did YOU buy for YOUR wife?"
The poor man said, "I bought her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo."
Obviously confused, the rich man asked why he chose those items.
The poor man replied, "Because if she doesn't like the flip-flops, she can go fuck herself!"


__._,_.___

***** HARDCORE PIC REMOVED *****

[osreb]

*Computer Question:*


Now here is a challenge!


For all of you who keep thinking you are computer experts...


Try this!


So, you think you're so smart.


Let's see how computer literate you are .......


*WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN?:*


*Qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqdjggsdqklgds *


*Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffkgmgqkfjd
*


* Mqielgqfffffffffffffffffffffffffffsqfmq < /FONT>*


*lor:#0000A0">Dsldmfqsfqssfdbvnlklfvnozeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee ? *


*SEE THE LAST PIC FOR ANSWER BELOW!

[osreb]

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the
right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten
the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup..

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked
up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered
her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
photographed and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a
policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted
back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with
her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind
your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front
of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would
Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker and the
chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk;
naturally...


...I assumed you had stolen the car."

[osreb]

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE.
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

[onlyheubsch]

This is a great thread !! Yess

[osreb]

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of HIM.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie....You know how I work....You have three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy.... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie.'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.

'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink..'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen

And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. ;

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

** *POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

***** WATERMARKED PIC REMOVED *****

[osreb]

An Irish lass, who had left home early for a life of fun and sin, returned home after many years. She made her way to her father's favorite pub, walked in and saw him sitting in a booth in the back nursing a pint.

She walked up to him and said, "Da. May I have a seat."

He looked up, saw who it was and grumpily replied, "Suit yerself."

She sat and said, "Da, I know I've been gone these long years and I'm sorry I never wrote nor called. I'm sure you and Ma were worried."

He looked at her with some contempt and said, "And what were you doin' these past years, daughter?"

"Well, Da," she said, "in truth, I was a prostitute."

"What?" her dad loudly exclaimed. "Get away from me ya bad cess. Neither me nor your ma wish to have anythin' to do with ya."

"But, Da," she said. "I made so much money at it that I bought you and Ma a townhouse and a new Jaguar and set up a bank account with a large balance in your name. And, there's more were that came from."

Her Da looked at her and finally said, "What were you doin, again?"

She said, "I was a prostitute, Da."

"Oh, Faith," he said. "For a minute there i thought you said you were a protestant."