Under The influence - Page 12

osreb · #**111** 06-13-2009, 04:05 PM

WE HAD OUR COMPANY PARTY LAST WEEK, BECKY SUE BROUGHT HER SISTER AND HER PORTABLE STAGE.
SHE IS A GREAT DANCER BUT SHE CAN'T DRINK WORTH A DAM.
--

osreb · #**112** 06-24-2009, 11:58 AM

A little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
His mother replied,
" Don 't even go there! From what I remember about that party, you're fucking lucky you don't bark!

osreb · #**113** 06-28-2009, 05:24 PM

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."

The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side."

osreb · #**114** 07-04-2009, 02:29 PM

Hot Damn! Whar�s the whiskey and wald wimmen???

Petzy · #**115** 07-06-2009, 10:59 AM

My wife enjoying a glass of french wine

osreb · #**116** 07-12-2009, 08:07 AM

a dude walks into the bar and orders 13 shots.
bartender asks "hey bud, wutz the occasion?"
guy replies, "i just had my first blowjob."
bartender says "alright then, congrats - i'll buy ya a shot too then."
dude says "naw that's ok - if 13 shots don't get this taste outta my mouth then nothing will....

osreb · #**117** 07-25-2009, 05:50 PM

Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine, when you gonna let me get sober. Let me alone. Let me go home. Let me go back and start over.

Well, I've rambled around this dirty old town singing for nickels and dimes.
Times getting' rough. I can't get enough to buy me a little bottle of wine.
(Chorus)

Well, little hotel, older than hell, cold as the dark in the mine.
Light so dim, I had to grin, I got me a little bottle of wine.
(Chorus)

Well, the preacher will preach and the teacher will teach. The miner will dig in the mine.
I ride the rods, trusting in God, huggin' my little bottle of wine.
(Chorus)

Well, pain in my head, bugs in my bed, pants so old that they shine.
Out on the street, I tell the people I meet to buy me a little bottle of wine.
(Chorus)

Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine, when you gonna let me get sober.

Kingston Trio Bottle Of Wine lyrics

osreb · #**118** 07-28-2009, 10:21 PM

Margaritaville lyrics

Nibblin' on sponge cake
Watchin' the sun bake
All of those tourists covered with oil
Strummin' my six-string
On my front porch swing
Smell those shrimp they're beginnin' to boil

Chorus: Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's nobody's fault

I don't know the reason I stayed here all season
Nothin' to show but this brand new tattoo
But it's a real beauty A Mexican cutie
How it got here I haven't a clue

Chorus: Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
Now I think Hell, it could be my fault

I blew out my flip-flop Stepped on a pop-top
Cut my heel had to cruise on back home
But there's booze in the blender
And soon it will render
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know it's my own damn fault
Yes and some people claim that there's a woman to blame And I know it's my own damn fault

osreb · #**119** 08-01-2009, 10:32 AM

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
I am taking it next semester and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
now I'm selling dope and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
they took my whole paycheck and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

I wasnt gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
Now I am a paraplegic - because I got high [repeat 3X]

I was gonna pay my car note until I got high
I was gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why
- because I got high [repeat 3X]

I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
now I'm jacking off and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kids and wife because I got high
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why

osreb · #**120** 08-05-2009, 11:15 PM

Willie Nelson
Whiskey River (1979)

Whiskey River take my mind
Don't let her memory torture me
Whiskey River don't run dry
You're all I've got take care of me

Whiskey River take my mind
Don't let her memory torture me
Whiskey River don't run dry
You're all I've got take care of me

I'm drowning in a whiskey river
Bathing my memoried mind in the wetness of its soul
Feeling the amber current flowing from my mind
And warm an empty heart you left so cold

Whiskey River take my mind
Don't let her memory torture me
Whiskey River don't run dry
You're all I've got take care of me

I'm drowning in a whiskey river
Bathing my memoried mind in the wetness of its soul
Feeling the amber current flowing from my mind
And warm an empty heart you left so cold

Whiskey River take my mind
Don't let her memory torture me
Whiskey River don't run dry
You're all I've got take care of me

Whiskey River take my mind
Don't let her memory torture me
Whiskey River don't run dry
You're all I've got take care of me

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