Divorce Court

[bigi442000]

In World War II, every mother that had a son in the military posted a star in her window for each son. Major Klink is stationed in Germany and his wife remained at Fort Bragg. Perhaps taking the concept a little too far, Mrs Klink had a tattoo applied for each lover she took that was above the rank of corporal. Needless to say, the good Major was not amused when he returned on leave!

[bigi442000]

So let me get this straight, counsel. Your client, Mrs Turnovsky, wants a divorce because after years of swinging she has seen the light. She is going to move to California, have a gay wedding and is going to then move to southern Utah where she is going to form a polygamous lesbian religion, with her three friends: Olga Bolger, Lisa Looslie and Sue Chew?.......Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh you bastard!.... for a second I thought you were serious..........Oh God!.....Let me wipe my eyes. I should have seen it when you came in, knowing what a loon you were in school....Oh, man!....What?....You ARE serious?....This is NOT an April Fool joke?....Really?....Oh.....I guess I thought you had pulled these pictures from One Click Chicks or something....So, Mrs Turnovsky, is this true?...It is ? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha................

[bigi442000]

Mrs Hitler's first mistake was in moving from Compton to Idaho. Her next mistake was marrying a Nazi. Her third and final mistake was being found by Mr Hitler (aka Dr Drag) and his posse - Lazy-L, Rubiks Cube, Shawn Puffy Lipschutz and Idy Ot - dancing nude in the living room to the blazing music of her vintage NWA cd collection!

[bigi442000]

Mrs Liebengood has had to give up on the marriage. It seems her husband - a music producer - has not worked in ten years. Mr Liebengood has finally come to realize that his dream of putting together the ultimate super-group (Donnie Osmond, Germaine Jackson, David Cassidy, Peaches and Herb, Cher, Vanilla Ice and Art Garfunkle) was doomed to failure!

[bigi442000]

The Moranos apparently were not up on current events. Choosing Pakistan for a vacation, they failed to notice that all the women were clothed head to toe in potato sacks. Thinking nothing of the fact that there were no women at all at the hotel pool, Mrs Morano stripped down to a thong and began to sun herself. Barely averting a death sentence, she is now serving hard labor somewhere in the Sultanate of Swat. Since she will be 90 when she gets out of jail, Mr Morano seeks a divorce. Since he will be 95 when he gets out of jail, I can see no reason to deny it.

[bigi442000]

Mrs Sacks was addicted to diet pills and cigarettes. Although warned that her therapist, Dr Himmler, engaged in extreme aversion therapy, she chose to remain a patient. Promising to cure her addictions in one session, the Dr fed Mrs Sacks massive doses of LSD, took her up in a small plane, and spent the next hour performing heart stopping dives and blood curdling barrel rolls. Mrs Sacks indeed quit taking drugs. Unfortunately, she also stopped taking food. And liquid. And air. The doctor came to this court and asks "Vat is vorse? Der taking of der drugs or a little force feeding and der iron lung?" Mr Sacks can have an annulment. He also has acquired a new conversation piece after choking Dr Himmler's liver out with his bare hands!

[bigi442000]

Mr Pelosi was doing quite well after landing the role of Curly-Joe in "I, Stooge." He came home from the first day of shooting to find his new bride naked in bed, and began caressing her and engaging in love talk such as "Whose lips are these?" and "Whose breasts are these?" To each question, Mrs Pelosi would respond, "Yours, my love." This went on for some time until just as Mr Pelosi was reaching his wife's nether parts, a man's voice called out from the closet, "When you get to the umbrella, it's mine!"

[bigi442000]

Mr Ramirez wanted his wife to engage in 3 and 4 ways. She agreed. Now he's mad because, in his words, "she enjoyed it too much." As Mr Spock once said, "wanting is not the same as having. It's not logical, but it is often true."

[bigi442000]

The McMack's met at the San Diego shipyard, after having been introduced by the future Mrs McMack's young son. One might have thought that the precocious little tyke's first words ("Hey sailor. Wanna meet my mama. She virgin") would have given Mr McMack a clue. Oddly, it didn't!

[bigi442000]

Well, Mr Stern, what exactly did you THINK was going to happen when you kept taking your wife to Lesbian Night at the local swing club get-togethers?