The Great Bride Thread

[osreb]

10th Anniversary

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Husband and Wife on their 10th Anniversary.

Wife undresses and says,"What did you think when I stripped for you ten years ago"?

He says,"I wanted to fuck your brains out,and suck your tits dry"

She says,"What are you thinking now"?

"Looks like I did a pretty good job"!!

[french1e]

great thread by the way ;-)

[osreb]

and of course; a joke:

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.'...and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man and then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:

'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.'

[8ctopus]

top notch thread and these jokes are LOL


thanks!!!

[osreb]

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to
the other and says, 'You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my
shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed
in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent
splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at
me for staying out so late!

His buddy looks at him and says 'Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on
the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep.
It Works Every Time!

[osreb]

On July 20, 1969, As Commander Of The Apollo 11 Lunar Module,
Neil Armstrong Was The First Person To Set Foot On The Moon.
His First Words After Stepping On The Moon, 'that's One Small Step For Man, One Giant Leap For
Mankind,' Were Televised To Earth And Heard By Millions.

But Just Before He Reentered The Lander, He Made The Enigmatic Remark 'good Luck, Mr.
Gorsky.'

Many People At Nasa Though It Was A Casual Remark Concerning Some Rival Soviet
Cosmonaut.
However, Upon Check Ing, There Was No Gorsky In Either The Russian Or American
Space Programs.

Over The Years Many People Questioned Armstrong As To What The 'good Luck,
Mr. Gorsky... Statement Meant, But Armstrong Always Just Smiled.

On July 5, 1995, In Tampa Bay , Florida , While Answering Questions Following A Speech, A Reporter
Brought Up The 26-year-old Question To Armstrong. This Time He Finally Responded.

Mr. Gorsky Had Died, So Neil Armstrong Felt He Could Answer The Question.
In 1938 When He Was A Kid In A Small Mid-west Town , He Was Playing Baseball With A Friend In The
Backyard. His Friend Hit The Ball, Which Landed In His Neighbor's Yard By The Bedroom
Windows. His Neighbors Were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.

As He Leaned Down To Pick Up The Ball, Young Armstrong Heard Mrs. Gorsky Shouting At Mr.
Gorsky. 'sex! You Want
Sex?! You'll Get Sex When The Kid Next Door Walks On The Moon!'

[osreb]

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."

[osreb]

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."

__._,_.___

[saniman]

***** Non-english Text Removed *****

[osreb]

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then…………………..

he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.