This weird woman is harassing me!

[Loretta 1976]

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I am here because I am in a really bad situation and I need some advice on what to do. I am not alcoholic. I'm not a heavy drinker at all--I never keep alcohol at my house, I never drink by myself, it's almost never liquor (mostly wine), and it's usually just for special occasions. Four months ago i got a dui because of my own irresponsible decision making, and have been labeled an alcoholic by a drug and alcohol counselor. I am required to go to 3 AA meetings a week for a year......i have went to 21of them..

I am 5 ft 10 tall heterosexual curvy hourglass shaped attractive mixed race woman( African American father Norwegian American mother). My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have a 14year old daughter! I have very large breasts and I do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.

My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out. I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone.

It is all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. On my second meeting this short like 5ft2 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine 53 year old woman AA group member walked up to me and said to me "Wow! Your breasts are massive!" and without even asking, she reached out with both hands and gave my breasts what I can only describe as a jiggle-squish. and giggled about how she liked them.This woman is really short. She was standing in front of me her head was exactly the level of my breasts.

Since then this weird ginger woman on every AA meeting is CONSTANTLY wanting to touch my breasts, feel them. If I just stand/sit there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling them and squishing them or whatever. I cannot sit in my chair without her seeing the opportunity to come up and cop a feel. She just wants to feel them, and it is annoying and uncomfortable to say the least.

She keeps touching my breasts any time her hand is near them. I have explained that it makes me feel uncomfortable when she tries to touch them without my permission. I ask her nicely not to touch them, and I've gotten to the point where I'm just so frustrated that I have to actually get upset with her and even then she just laughs or gets mad about it. She gets extremely upset when I remove her hand to the point of literally "fighting" my hand away with her own. Also this ginger woman is always slapping or rubbing my butt. She will just full on grab my butt. It is super annoying. I’m just standing there, and she’ll walk by me and take a swipe at my butt. She just touches my ass and leave her arm there.

I want to beat the shit out of her when she touches me without my consent. I am physically stronger than this weirdo ginger woman. I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in sneakers. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. She knows how disgusted I feel when she touches me without my consent. She even asks me if I was ****d before just because I don't want her to touch my breasts and butt. I am 100% straight. I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman. This ginger weirdo woman is repulsive to me.

Chair person this woman who is in charge to sign my paper "card"is very protective of this groper ginger midget. Three days ago i I complained to her about the situation with this groper woman but she(chair person) got really mad and started yelling at me. Her exact words were "You arrogant snob. You stuck up overdressed cow. You feel uncomfortable "slumming" with women who aren't as sophisticated,rich, gorgeous and worldly as you? Ego and arrogance at its best.What do you expect with your huge boobs your big ass your flashy clothes?" I have an intense fear of conflict with this old woman chair person since she signs my paper. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her. This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? I am too scared to be dishonest about the attendance though. This woman chair person calls me 3 times a day, if I don't answer she emails. She says that court ordered AA opens the eyes of a lot of people who would otherwise not consider themselves alcoholic.

I am considered by most of other women AA group members to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions for the past21 meetings . I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after the meeting. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. Also this woman group member is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. Also most of other women group members think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob. I feel like these women don't really like me. they are all white women in their 40s and 50s. The whole time I'm there I feel like I'm being disrespectful and rude because I didn't choose to be there. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it. .

Within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous. Also I can't talk to my husband about this because he is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me. I need to get through this.

My case worker probation officer is very condescending, aggressive and quite rude. She doesn't care what happens to me. She thinks that i deserve to go to jail. She says that i am stuck up, arrogant snob. I just need to get through this. As i said within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work.

[bobsharer]

thats a shame, try feeling gingers breasts as revenge?

[Duran Duran]

Not sure this is the right place to be posting your problem, but anyway I'll play along in good faith...
Forget your principles.
Next time you go in, smile, be open & friendly, bring snacks, and then breakdown crying when you talk. That's what they want. They want you to be as weak as they are. Otherwise it threatens them, especially the fact that you don't think you belong there. The fact that you don't want to be there in their little group.
Play the victim card as well as you can.

[Loretta 1976]

Originally Posted by Duran Duran

Not sure this is the right place to be posting your problem, but anyway I'll play along in good faith...
Forget your principles.
Next time you go in, smile, be open & friendly, bring snacks, and then breakdown crying when you talk. That's what they want. They want you to be as weak as they are. Otherwise it threatens them, especially the fact that you don't think you belong there. The fact that you don't want to be there in their little group.
Play the victim card as well as you can.

Duran Duran first of all, thank you for reading and responding to my post. You make some really good points in your response that I feel I need to address.

Yes these women AA group members think I am arrogant or a snob but I do not have good people skills .Although I'd prefer that they think I'm arrogant to thinking that I'm afraid. I am uncomfortable in social settings and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around other people. I've been asked soooo many times 'why are you so serious' when I'm not feeling serious at that moment. I unintentionally tend to give off an unfriendly aura which has led people to ask if I dislike them. When I feel nervous I try to compensate by being really confident. I guess other people take that as me being arrogant. I've been told I come across as stuck up/snobby full of myself, narcissistic, stuck up etc., and also very unwelcoming to new people. Technically the second part is true as new people terrify me, but the first bit is very untrue.And the truth is, i just can't talk to everyone... not that i don't want to. I just need time to open myself to people. To relax and open up. I hate that I come off like that. When I do speak with people, I tend to be overly nice to compensate and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. People around me (except for the ones who truly know me) have always said that I come across as snobby, stuck on myself, and unfriendly..

I have been told that I seem snobby and it is because I don't speak up in groups where I am not comfortable. I have had people ask me if I thought I was better than others. This explains why I am having such a difficult time with this situation with this touchy feely "friendly" woman ginger. I thought I was doing a good job at appearing pleasant and likable. Even when I talk to other women AA group members I try to watch my tone of voice and sound cheerful. I am known as the biggest snob at work. Everyone always gets that first impression of me, and many keep that impression. The vast majority of people think I'm a "snob" or a upper middle class overdressed arrogant b*tch I know since the friends I've had over the years told me that after some time. People simply assume I must be a snob because I'm quiet. That doesn't even seem logical to me, but when being quiet is something that simply wouldn't occur to most people perhaps that's the next most logical conclusion.

I have been told that i look stuck up and arrogant.I have had the experience of women being jealous of me.I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well.I should not have to suffer for what I like because other women have low self esteem and don’t see the gifts they have within themselves.I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class. I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, i’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous – i said i was going shopping and she was like “really? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, i’d rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I wear high heels every day too.All the time. I like dressing well, and looking presentable.

[Loretta 1976]

Originally Posted by bobsharer

thats a shame, try feeling gingers breasts as revenge?

I am physically stronger than this weirdo ginger, she is short and skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in sneakers. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. But i don’t want to turn this into an assault charge against me.

This woman who is in charge to sign my paper "card"(chair person) says that I am being overly sensitive about groping by this creepy ginger, that this isn’t necessarily a negative thing, to take it as a compliment. I am not sure if it’s because she(chair person) thinks that because it is female on female that somehow makes it okay. I don’t know? My breasts and butt are not public property. I kid you not, I have been groped, jiggled and, just about in every way imaginable, had my breasts handled by this repulsive ginger woman. She says that she just needs to "cop a feel". She says that my large cup size is an invitation. Also she randomly grabs and slaps my butt.Okay, so at first I thought it was just a little phase she was going through and could laugh about it. Now, I’m becoming so frustrated with her.

This woman "friendly" groper is so openly groping me and rubbing me in a joking/playful way in front of other women AA members. Most of these women just laugh. They are joking that i make stupid faces while she is groping me.
This ginger woman groper is well liked by these women AA members. Being well-liked there means there's more people on your side.
This woman the ginger considers herself "super-smart". She makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason.I have seen the ginger laughing with some malice at me, behind my back, when I ask questions that seem silly to her. She is very sarcastic. The other day she said to my face while squeezing my breasts that i am a stuck up cow and that my problem is that i feel i am from a higher class than other women AA members.She also will kind of...hold me from behind with her hands on my breasts very tightly in a way that I can't move, even when I'm trying to get away from her. The ginger says that because her face is at level with my breasts and I am rather large she finds touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting them comforting. She'll just grab them or lift them up when she's trying to be funny.Also she is CONSTANTLY slapping and rubbing my butt. It is so annoying. She acts like its all a big joke, laughs, etc. I make it clear I don't like it, but she acts like that's part of the joke, too.

I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious to being angry, but I've concluded that you can't deal with this kind of person.The ginger is always commenting that i am so tall big and soft. Should I tell my husband? I want to tell him but I am afraid that he might get mad at me or something. He is controlling and very jealous. I need someone to talk to.I just want someone to talk to. I don't really know who.I understand that I am being a wimp.

[mamanrc]

I'm going to need a picture to see for myself what you look like.

You're basically being sexually assaulted. Talk to the police and see if they can place an undercover female officer in the group to help you.

[willporkem]

Sexual harrasememt is sexual harrasememt. Period. You did the right thing in taking it to your "supervisor". She chose to blow other off which makes her complisate. You should first talk to a lawyer who specializes in sexual harrasememt cases to CYA. He will probably tell you to escalate within AA.
I'm not a lawyer, but I'm a manager Ina large corporate environment with over 10 yrs of Sexual Harrasememt training.

[Onestopfuckshop]

Youre in quite a predicament..takes guts asking for help from us perverts!

Neverthless..sounds like youre in an abusive cycle all around..husband sounds abusive toxic and the ginger lez also ...group members are likely to be intimidated rather them actually liking her.."better it happens to her than to me" kind of way.

She was likely abused herself..think most lesbiams were and with all abused people/traumstized..they unleash on others.

Being scared sucks. But. Louder your voice becomes..better it gets..more likely the abuse will decrease..

That advice about curling up and crying and playing the victim only makes it worse..abusers thrive on the weak.

Challenge is..how do you draw boundaries and stand up for yourself without them saying somethinf us wring with you and hokding it against you...especially with unhelpful chair..

And yes..as a reward to us when youre situation improves..we wanna see a picture!

[DRDavenport]

You could also find a different AA group. And complain to the higher ups at AA.

[Loretta 1976]

Originally Posted by Onestopfuckshop

Youre in quite a predicament..takes guts asking for help from us perverts!

Neverthless..sounds like youre in an abusive cycle all around..husband sounds abusive toxic and the ginger lez also ...group members are likely to be intimidated rather them actually liking her.."better it happens to her than to me" kind of way.

She was likely abused herself..think most lesbiams were and with all abused people/traumstized..they unleash on others.

Being scared sucks. But. Louder your voice becomes..better it gets..more likely the abuse will decrease..

That advice about curling up and crying and playing the victim only makes it worse..abusers thrive on the weak.

Challenge is..how do you draw boundaries and stand up for yourself without them saying somethinf us wring with you and hokding it against you...especially with unhelpful chair..

And yes..as a reward to us when youre situation improves..we wanna see a picture!

Within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous.

I don't want my husband to found out of that situation with this ugly short skinny ginger groper woman. He is going to blame me. 5 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly. It has been a difficult journey for my husband, he can't seem to forgive me. My husband loses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me. I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel it could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and lose it. He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add). Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair. My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have. After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely). The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened. .

I am a straight woman, i love men, simple! I am straight and I am completely 100 percent straight. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually. I am STRICTLY hetero.Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. .

The biggest thing that is holding me back from slapping this awful ginger across her ugly freckled face are worries of getting rejected by the AA group or being looked at as a stuck up snob. "I mean she just wants to cop a feel, whats the harm in that", etc.I would hate for this to be the reason I stop going to these AA meetings. Most of these women AA group members think that i am arrogant, stuck up, upper middle class, overdressed snob. I'm often thought of as stuck up because I don't usually talk unless I have to. I get nervous just walking into a room and saying hello to everyone. I think that maybe I have a certain look on my face when people see me; I mean, to me it's my "I'm seriously nervous and uncomfortable" face, but to others I think it makes them feel like I think that I'm better than everyone. So everyone just thinks I'm stand-offish and an overall rude person who thinks way too highly of themselves.

I hate that I come off like that. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way. I have noticed, that at times I apologize for the size of my boobs. Some people might think that I am purposefully being provocative or displaying my cleavage, but that is hardly the case. Logistically, unless I wear a turtle neck, most blouses that I wear still show ; it is inevitable. There are dresses that I can never wear because, while on someone with smaller breasts it would look ok, on me it looks vulgar.

This issue of vulgarity isn’t something that I would have necessarily impressed upon myself, but rather the reaction that I get from people. I should pull my shirt up because I am about to have a nip-slip, even though my nips are firmly encased in my bra. I would love to wear strappy dresses with little triangle cups! I would love to wear certain shirts and blouses without something underneath for the sake of modesty (well, someone else’s idea of modesty not necessarily my own). The truth is I regulate a lot of what I wear so that people won’t take it as an invitation to touch, stare, or speak to or about my breasts.