I love you, funny face!

[Fox Mulder]

1. Rachael explains to the men seated at the table exactly why women hold the power in most marriages...that last.
2. "Oh, pardon me sir. Whilst you were away at the loo I took the liberty of entertaining your spouse."
3. DOG: "Anything you can do I can do better. I can do anything better than youuuuu!"
4. It was the most satisfying bowel movement of Sheila's life.
5. "Oh, it's sooo good to hear from you...no, I'm not doing anything important...I was just letting the cat out."
6. "So Ahab...does my whale tail turn on? Why don't you come here and show me your Moby Dick?" ( Melville is rolling in his grave)
7. Yes...I'll just bet it is!
8. "Ma'am I sure appreciate your kindness...I haven't had a good handjob in years!" (Save the world with random acts of kindness )
9. Smells like fish?
10. Smells like cock.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Uh Miss...Miss... (sputter, gasp) HEY! I'M DROWNING HERE!" ( Today's kids...oblivious or just cold hearted and cruel?)
2. After spontaneously and furiously masturbating and drinking a whole bottle of wine, Helen finally came to grips with Zack's proposal.
3. They have a problem with bums in England...well...not really a problem...They're just rather cheeky.
4. And I also understand that the young heirs to the throne have been sneaking in a few changes to traditions as the old queen ages.
5. What I like about this pic is: The men are all paying attention, but the lady in the wheelchair just seems content to enjoy the sunshine.
6. "Hey Army Corp of Engineers...you can put your pipeline RIGHT HERE!"
7. Now I'd like to talk about a serious problem in America...desperate, horny nymphomaniacs unable to find a man to help them out...
8. So desperate is their plight that they must fuck themselves in the streets. You're doing nothing with your dick but wanking away at amateur porn...can't you find it in your heart to give until it hurts? Yeah...I knew I could count on you.
9. And the Walmart associate STILL refused to give her the sale price on her dog food.
10. "You're just about to groove and you're thinkin' it's a breeze...there's a light in your eyes and then a guy screams "Out of the car, Longhair!" ( And its all because your mama don't dance and your daddy don't rock and roll )

[Fox Mulder]

1. "If I stay in this position after sex the sperm have a better chance of reaching my eggs...it's a damned good sports stretch too. "
2. "Only one thing to do when you've got a hot ass like mine..."
3. Mrs. Faversham always liked to give the young caddies a tip at the end of the day.
4. NOW she'll finally shut up about Brazil beating the USA in women's beach volleyball!
5. "I may be blind, young lady...but I'm still very fond of the scent of a nude woman...hooha! " ( Al Pacino learned his stuff from this guy)
6. "What sucks about fucking the Marlboro man is he's always coughing and wheezing and he smells like an Goddam ash tray!"
7. "Well...my hair isn't long enough to let down...and my name ain't Rapunzel...so if we're gonna fuck I've gotta come down to you!"
8. Congratulations! These women do you a great honor...one nipple salutes are only given to the most prolific OCC wankers.
9. Week days, Dave is a busy contractor who erects high rise apartments...but on weekends he erects himself...the tourists love it!
10. Mona Lisa's great great great granddaughter was a little bolder and more irreverent.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "So zee Americans call zee French people zee 'Frogs?' I say Reebeet Reebeet to you!"
2. "Here we are at the No Tell Motel and I have all my clothes off...what shall we do next?" ( Did you pack your travel Scrabble game?)
3. "Norman Bates? Did you say this motel was run by Norman Bates?"
4. "Fox Mulder...He's going to put my pictures in his thread? Oh God...that get's me soooo wet!"
5. "Paul Simon was right. One man's ceiling IS another man's floor...and my hairy French pussy has got your full attention, am I right?"
6. "My football coach tells me I must be limber. Not sure why he always stands behind me with his cell phone in his hand when I stretch..."
7. "I'm ready for my monogram...mommagrand? ...uh...mammalgrin? You know, the tit test thing!"
8. "Oh there it goes again! Whenever a camera's in the room it just pops out like that."
9. "Aaaieee! Holy shit! Who the hell flushed the toilet while I'm trying to shower!" ( Sometimes it sucks to share living space )
10. I guess all you poor OCC wankers have been jaded from looking at so much porn that a woman has to stand on her head to turn you on? OK then."

[Fox Mulder]

1. Do you ever wonder why your dog loves you so much? Mostly it's the scent and the view.
2. "Hey Sara, can I borrow your cell phone? I've got to call my fiance and tell him I'm going to be late for the wedding rehersal."
3. Amelia's finally made the "Mile High Club. " Solo.
4. "You can enjoy a little of what's in the red cooler...or a little of what's in the blue cooler...or a lot of what's in between my legs." (Pam is in charge of the eats for the holiday)
5. MAN WITH GLASSES: "Madam, may I have the pleasure of this dance?" BALD GUY: "Hey, man...can I like, fuck this ass?"
6. "If the gloves don't fit...you'll see no tits!" ( Francine was not above misquoting O.J. Simpson's attorney to avoid posing fully nude)
7. "If only my bra wasn't in the wash I could have avoided being Internet porn fodder for the rest of my life!"
8. "Ladies, need some extra cash? Truckers are always happy to help out." ( 10-4 good buddy.)
9. Tired of being spinsters, the Smith sisters decided to become fishers of men. Unfortunately the "fish" were looking for fresher bait.
10. Movie plot: "Friday The 13th Part 55" Jason Vorhees' diabolical granddaughter goes on an evil killing spree with a new and gruesome weapon. ( Yikes! )

[Fox Mulder]

1. Now that the minimum wage is up, food service workers will be expected by their employers to do just a little more...
2. Oh yeah...HE gets the helmet and all the gear while the poor little naked woman freezes her tits off. She be fly.
3. Abandon all hope, ye who enters here.
4. "Isn't the Grand Canyon majestically beautiful? Isn't that a lovely blue sky? Why are you looking at my chest? Is there a bug on me???"
5. IN THE BACKGROUND, FROM THE FOOTBALL GAME ON TV: "Whoa! Look at that, Joe! What's the hang time on that one?"
6. No hang time here, but if she fumbles, we'll all be called for piling on.
7. "I beg your problem...I never promised you a rose garden- You'll just have to work around the thorns." ( Horny Country music fan?)
8. Uber drivers usually try to avoid fares from the annual San Antonio Chili Cookoff.
9. This is the saddest picture in the whole thread. Here reclines a worn out, satisfied woman, lying in a wet mess...and we never got to see how the mess was made!

[wideopen79]

......

[Fox Mulder]

1. Hey guys, having trouble picking out Christmas gifts? Give your gal a big black cock...it's what she really wants.
2. You've seen musicians playing spoons...but I'll bet you've never seen someone play nipples with spoons. It's a fascinating sound too.
3. While Cameron Frye decides to take control of his life on TV, Jenny is deciding if sucking her boyfriend's toes is fun...or disgusting.
4. When a purple haired chick is going down on you, it's a great time to take a selfie.
5. Ditto when you're a horny cougar who not only just got the former NFL star turned High School football coach to make your son quarterback...you actually got him down on his two bad knees.
6. And a selfie is also called for when your pastor's wife decides to break one of the ten commandments...with you.
7. "Here's to my late husband...and may he ALWAYS be late on the nights when my lover comes to fuck me. "
8. What's up...Dock? (A little Bugs Cunny humor?)

[Fox Mulder]

Mother always told you that if you make faces one day "Your face might freeze like that."

[dognheat]

Originally Posted by Fox Mulder

1. Hey guys, having trouble picking out Christmas gifts? Give your gal a big black cock...it's what she really wants.
2. You've seen musicians playing spoons...but I'll bet you've never seen someone play nipples with spoons. It's a fascinating sound too.
3. While Cameron Frye decides to take control of his life on TV, Jenny is deciding if sucking her boyfriend's toes is fun...or disgusting.
4. When a purple haired chick is going down on you, it's a great time to take a selfie.
5. Ditto when you're a horny cougar who not only just got the former NFL star turned High School football coach to make your son quarterback...you actually got him down on his two bad knees.
6. And a selfie is also called for when your pastor's wife decides to break one of the ten commandments...with you.
7. "Here's to my late husband...and may he ALWAYS be late on the nights when my lover comes to fuck me. "
8. What's up...Dock? (A little Bugs Cunny humor?)

SAVE FERRIS!

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