I love you, funny face!

[Fox Mulder]

1. After a closer look with her new bifocals , Tina realized it wasn't a herpes sore after all...just a bit of lint.
2. What happens when retired Rockettes visit Africa.
3. Hmmm...someone threw away a perfectly good super hero.
4. Silverado ad execs argued about this one as it implies their trucks might need repair. On the other hand...pussy fucking sells trucks!
5. The trouble with dating an Oklahoma girl is you might lose her to a rival...or a twister.

[Fox Mulder]

1. See? This thread has "BBC" too...
2....and starfish!
3. Ikea's hiring of Female Flashing Cart Caddies has boosted sales to record territory.
4. Now that Mrs. Cougar has made you that nice dinner she has something she'd like you to do to...uh...FOR...her.
5. "Dear Mom and Dad...college is great. Guess what? Thanks to the vengeful boyfriend I just broke up with I 'm going to be appearing in something on the Internet called 'I Love You Funny Face! ( Her parents will be very proud)
6. She kinda makes you think about cinnamon rolls, doesn't she?
7. Kate's Home Improvement...She can waterproof your deck and harden your dick in one afternoon.
8. Out behind the wood pile is still the place where a lot of dicipline happens.
9. After the intense afternoon quickie they burned out like a couple of shooting stars.
10. This ought to make your Wednesday.

[Fox Mulder]

1. Carefully, Erica, now blind, navigated the carpet...ever so frightened of stepping on the alien cat with the laser eyes again.
2. Too late. She sees you...and now you belong to her.
3. "Joe! Come see what's on the TV!" (That Lilli was quite the kidder)
4. Before they even got to her floor, Naomi knew her new perfume was about to deliver all the attention the ad had promised...at least she THOUGHT it was the perfume.
5. "OK...about that cum facial you're always talking about...it's now or never, Bub. "
6. "My sister said getting 'hosed' was lots of fun. Frankly, I think it's a little cold on the coochie!"
7. Some women have never outgrown the urge to play with their food.
8. Lucky you! You chose what was behind Door Number Two instead of what was in the box in the X-rated version of "Let's Make A Deal"
9. "Well, Ms. Finch, it appears you haven't been working on those fourth quarter figures at all!" (Some employers expect more than pussy piercings)
10. "Here's a four letter word for what you guys want to do now...W-A-N-K...hey, I get ten points!"

[Fox Mulder]

1. Face to face with the deadly, one-eyed trouser snake it's best to remain perfectly still. It's vision is based on movement.
2. "No! I don't want to be in some goddam Humor thread on an Internet wank site!" ( You should have said something sooner)
3. She said: "Hmmm...I wonder if I should take these breasts out?" ( Oh, the irony!)
4. We've ALL wanted to do this...and this lucky bastard got to!
5. Look at it this way, if she falls for you...she dies.
6. "Topless Skiing or crucifixion?" ( A deleted scene from "Life of Brian"
7. I know... You kinda want her to blow you...but you're also a little creeped out.
8. Her boyfriend, under the table, just found the little man in the rowboat.
9. "Yo sistahs! I gots to be hunchin', Y'all might be down for some righteous carpet munchin'! " ( Bad lesbian rap)
10. The kids are at school. Hubby is at work. Mom finally gets a little "me" time.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Are you tawkin' to me? Are you tawkin' to ME?" (Megan does her best 'Taxi Driver' impression)
2. No, Megan...she ain't tawkin' to you.
3. Gina attempts to insert a 34 ounce baseball bat in her rectum to celebrate the Indians going up 2-0 on the Red Sox in the playoffs.
4. Alligators are responsible for half the sexual assaults in Florida. Don't walk alone near the water.
5. "Excuse me ma'am...I'm a celebrity. May I grab your pussy?" ( Trump this)
6. "Strangely, everything is blooming since I quit wearing bloomers."
7. He's Sven...the most interesting Swede in the world: "I don't often engage in vices, but when I do, I enjoy weed, wine, beer, Internet porn, anonymous women, hookahs, Nutela, bacon and furry little pussies...especially furry little pussies."

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Noooo! You've been looking at me all day in a skimpy bikini...but you can't see me in my bra!" (It's all about design and material?)
2. "Noooo! I wanted to be in Mulder's 'Bed Bath and Beyond' thread! I don't want to in his humor thread." (No whinning in amateur porn)
3. When your boyfriend is a cop, you're always prepared for a good frisking.
4. All that graffiti ruins the neighborhood...but I still like the view by the river.
5. "Yeah... My boyfriend really enjoys all our bathroom sex and watersports, but he never helps with the cleanup afterwards!"
6. Ever miss the days when secretaries were willing sex objects? WHEN was that, by the way?
7. It's always nice when the first rider in your morning carpool is beautiful, busty...and an abscent minded dresser without her A.M. coffee.
8. Of course, public transportation is always better than carpooling.
9. Proud of her college grades, her parents bought her that new cell phone. Lucky us...She's smart enough to know just how to use it.
10. How to know when your girlfriend is really unsatisfied with your cunnilingus technique. (Never date an emotional NRA member)

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Wanna kiss me now?"
2. " Hey, if I tell a lie will it get any bigger?"
3. Shhhh! It's Super Librarian!
4. "This surf and turf meal seems a little too literal for my taste."
5. And he spoke in a high voice the rest of his days.
6. Imagine the confusion of the millions of tiny sperm searching desperately for an egg they'll never find.
7. "Well, the size is about right...but I don't know about these sharp things..." ( Finding the right sex toy can be challenging )

[Fox Mulder]

1. Laura has what they call a "Traffic Cone Fetish." She can't help it. Don't judge.
2. Another reason why you should never ever run with scissors.
3. Sometimes "No" really means "Never."
4. This huntress has the best lure ever, and YOU, my friend, are her prey. Tough luck.

[wildfire54]

We got 'em.

1.It never ceased to amaze Jeff as to how many women bought his story as 'A professional breast adjuster.'

2.Having spent every penny that the government had given him for his study.Pete also concluded that 'Watched breasts don't grow any faster than ones who aren't.'

3.Melissa was amazed when Dr. Piersi's nurse demonstrated how fast his 'breast enhancement cream' worked.'I swear I was flat-chested this morning.' she said happily.

4.When he told the two girls from his church group that his boat was 'clothing optional'.Brad never expected them to believe him.

5.Professor Thompson strictly enforced his No Panty Thursday.And every female student was subject to spot checks.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Do I really want to shove something up my pussy that looks like one of my father's deep sea fishing lures?"
2. Awwww...Can't you just hear Dionne Warwick and Elton John singing "That's what friends are for."
3. "These things taste so much better after they've been used." ( For a real taste treat, swap 'em!)
4. " My dildo never complains. It never snores. It will never get me knocked up. Men? Who needs them?"
5. "This toy comes in " Average Six Inch"..."Deluxe Eight Inch"..."Super Ten Inch" and "Shredded Cervix Foot Long" models."
6. That ain't "Love Potion Number Nine" she's putting on that thing! You, Sir, are about to experience why this witch is considered "wicked."
7. Now this is a rip off. Ouch!