I love you, funny face!

[Fox Mulder]

1. The good news is that Jack's penis is like a divining rod...it points toward the nearest pussy. The bad news is it never gets fully hard.
2. The good news he's getting to take a shower with the two chicks he met at the bar...he's even getting a very nice blowjob. The bad news is seconds later he finds out they are actually aliens who eat humans...starting with the penis.
3. The good news is Sandy's sex life with the Navy drill instructor is hot. The bad news is he shouts at her all the time, calls her "Mayo -naise" and keeps making her drop down and give him twenty pushups.
4. The good news is Dave's girlfriend just got a part on Broadway. The bad news is she never knows when to stop practicing.
5. The good news is that Sally is highly sexed and incredibly flexible. The bad news is she isn't your girlfriend.
6. The good news is Denise just got nominated to serve on the Supreme Court. The bad news is this picture all over the Internet now.

[Fox Mulder]

1. Sometimes it's hard to pick the place you want to sit in a bar...sometimes it's easy.
2. Distracted by the outdoor show, Dave fumbled for the chocolate cookies he had set beside him...which were eaten by Sarah... who was now happily enjoying much more than the outdoor show. ( "Hey... these cookies must have melted, they're all sticky!)
3. "These are loaded and I'm not afraid to use them!" (After putting new gun control laws in place, the Obama administration has begun looking into breast safety.)
4. To avoid the spectacle of watching your girlfriend cough up a hairball like a cat...shave your unruly pubes!
5. This lady is a member of the Fizzies...an African tribe that drinks a LOT of soda. Her tribal costume reflects that. (Twist caps preferred)
6. This lady is a member of the B-cups...a west Michigan tribe that has average sized breasts. (Her tribal costume reflects prominent ears)
7. "No, I'm not much of a pool player...but I'm a helluva destraction." ( She is undefeated with this strategy)
8. So you like Number 8, huh? You should have seen the other seven.
9. Apparently Janette and her hubby are REALLY enjoying the X Files reboot. Can you blame them? Mulder and Scully are hot!
10."Can yoouu seeeee my wife's pooooosey!" Gooooooooooooaaaaaaallll!" ( When South American soccer announcers share their wives.)

[Fox Mulder]

1. The addition of Mixed Pairs Nude Synchronized Swimming is bound to make this summer's Olympics much more interesting.
2. Jake can't help his "dirty talk" during sex...the problem is his comments are so stupid and unsexy, Kate prefers listening to Aerosmith.
3. On her honeymoon vacation...Cathy sure doesn't want THAT getting sunburned.
4. Olivia awakens after a strange, realistic dream about giving Mr. Sandman head. ("Oh Mr. Sandman...give me some cream" )
5. Every man should have such a multi-tasking partner. Who couldn't use clean dishes AND a firm, willing ass? (She's a keeper!)
6. That's the groom's ex in red...she always was such a scene stealer. (There's no wind. She's using an air horn)
7. Ladies! There are much safer and simpler ways to cure a yeast infection!

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Coming Soon?" A very prophetic sign indeed.
2. Women have a lot of hard choices in their lives...
3. In the wild, some women rely on dramatic displays to attract the attention of males.
4. Edith was still sleeping...but obviously Joe was in the process of getting up.

[wildfire54]

More local happenings from far away.

1.For the sixth year in a row. Mrs. Brandt (3rd from right). Won the title of Most Popular Socialite.She attributed her success to the fact that 'I have bigger tits than the other contestants.'

2.The local female basketball team known as the Northside Naturals is holding their annual try-outs.Any women wishing to try out for the team are encouraged to participate.Athletic ability and an open attitude are essential.

3.The Simpson Dinner party was embarrassingly interrupted when Mrs. Simpson's dog accidentally fetched the wrong stick.

4. The fourth annual I'm Not Sure Who The Father Is Luncheon was held at the Northside Country Club & Maternity Center. A good time was had by all.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Ehhh...I think a guy bringing a camera to a nude beach is a little on the pervy side. " (But we pervs are very glad he did)
2. "Your pussy needs to be THIS tall before you can go on this ride."
3. Yes. It's a sunburn and yes, it hurts. Hey Red Lobster...the only thing still pink on you is your cell phone.
4. I know it seems cruel, but it was the only way we could get her to show her real and magnificent breasts in this thread.
5. "I'm not the droid I'm looking for..." (Do Jedi mind tricks work when you try them on yourself?)
6. The next door neighbors miss the peace and quiet they had before the horny young opera singer moved in.
7. Joanie has been lonely and single for months...Now she's misplaced her sex toys and the supermarket just ran out of cucumbers. Run!
8. "OK...the bet is...if I can make you cum before a car drives by, I get to drive the rest of the road trip!" (Negotiations can be fun)
9. Let me guess...Fucked silly?
10. Do I say it? Should I say it? Will I really sink that low? Why not...Daaaaaaaam!

[Fox Mulder]

1. When Big Jim Slade (Who works for/with the BBC) takes off his pants...this is the look he usually gets.
2. The National Guard has been resolute in its efforts to rescue destitute prostitutes. (Private Mongo is not much of a talker, but he knows how to treat a poor street walker)
3. Dude...this is Cindy's beach. You get drunk and disorderly here and Cindy will personally kick your ass. (California Surf Justice)
4. I can't believe my own mother is pulling for Donald Trump.
5. I guess that answers the question of whether she'll sleep with you on the first date or not.
6. Our Funny Face biologists have captured this rare photo of the mating rituals of the American Deep South. Here we see the camoflaged male offering his catch to a displaying female. If she accepts the fish, he is free to take her to his trailer park and mount her from behind, a mating position that enables them to both watch Duck Dynasty or Jerry Springer on TV. (Whooo eeee! )

[badmojo]

some more

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Think." Yes, I've been doing a whole lot of thinking concerning Laura. A lot of what I'm thinking about involves taking off that T shirt.
2. I have no caption that is funnier than the look on the old guy's face. I'm guessing that bikini is a thong.
3. This is why you should have all of your affairs at your lover's house. Dude, you are soooo busted!
4. Not only does Blackie guard the house, his radio dish enables his hot owner to communicate with her buddies on Venus.
5. And speaking of dogs, why do I think this photo might give Scooby Doo an erection? (Shaggy too)

[Fox Mulder]

1. Since her baby left, she's found a new place to dwell. It's right on the edge of Lonely Street...
2. Alaska has St.Bernards with whiskey casks on their collars. California deserts have busty babes with jugs of lemonade.
3. Grandma's got a little something for you. What? You were expecting cookies?
4. Kinda makes you want to be a horse, doesn't it?
5. Mayberry was never the same again after Sheriff Andy Taylor's new girlfriend hit town.
6. John was so lazy...it seemed Cindy had to do EVERYTHING in their marriage.
7. It was a great picture...until the ground started to shake and suddenly Rachel was living a scene from Raiders of The Lost Ark.
8. Crazy women need sex too.
9. Mt. TUSHmore?
10. When it comes to sex, enthusiasm makes all the difference. More or less.