Trying to understand

[xxxxenophile]

Originally Posted by greentryingtounderstand

I do everything I can to please my boyfriend , I will masturbate in front of him , give him a blow job any time make dirty movies for him . It hurts me inside that he would rather download movies and look at other girls. It makes me feel like I can't please him. I just don't know what to do. I feel like im not good enough

There are a lot of comments here, some to take on board and others to ignore completely!

There are a couple of things going on here - all men look at porn. If they say they don't, they are lying. So it's not logical to be upset by the fact that he looks at other naked women. You may as well hope for humans to not breathe.

BUT a lot of men are jerks about the way they do it, the amount that they do, or the way they treat YOU outside of porn. Porn that accents or augments a healthy relationship isn't a problem. If he's viewing porn INSTEAD of having healthy sex with you, then it's absolutely a problem. It's up to you to decide where that line is and up to him to be respectful of you. If you like watching it together, great! If you don't like porn, then he should be discreet about it and not throw it in your face. He shouldn't view it while you're around or leave his masturbatory leavings (lube, tissues, etc) around on the desk or wherever. He should know that porn is not reality - not all cocks are huge, not all women like to be spit on or hammered away at like a robot, not all women like to be choked or played with roughly, etc. If he knows the difference, then it's not a problem. If the only sex he can have is selfish and/or brutal or disrespects your desires, then it's a problem.

But in most of these situations the porn itself isn't the problem. But it can hide bad attitudes or emotional laziness or lack of respect.

If you spend some time with the ideas above and unpacking what you think is going on in your specific situation, then perhaps it'll help reduce the feelings of rejection that you are struggling with. Only you can say if he's right for you or if the porn is the issue. But it's terrific that you're asking the right question and seeking input!

[five hole]

Originally Posted by xxxxenophile

There are a lot of comments here, some to take on board and others to ignore completely!

There are a couple of things going on here - all men look at porn. If they say they don't, they are lying. So it's not logical to be upset by the fact that he looks at other naked women. You may as well hope for humans to not breathe.

BUT a lot of men are jerks about the way they do it, the amount that they do, or the way they treat YOU outside of porn. Porn that accents or augments a healthy relationship isn't a problem. If he's viewing porn INSTEAD of having healthy sex with you, then it's absolutely a problem. It's up to you to decide where that line is and up to him to be respectful of you. If you like watching it together, great! If you don't like porn, then he should be discreet about it and not throw it in your face. He shouldn't view it while you're around or leave his masturbatory leavings (lube, tissues, etc) around on the desk or wherever. He should know that porn is not reality - not all cocks are huge, not all women like to be spit on or hammered away at like a robot, not all women like to be choked or played with roughly, etc. If he knows the difference, then it's not a problem. If the only sex he can have is selfish and/or brutal or disrespects your desires, then it's a problem.

But in most of these situations the porn itself isn't the problem. But it can hide bad attitudes or emotional laziness or lack of respect.

If you spend some time with the ideas above and unpacking what you think is going on in your specific situation, then perhaps it'll help reduce the feelings of rejection that you are struggling with. Only you can say if he's right for you or if the porn is the issue. But it's terrific that you're asking the right question and seeking input!

As a female this is great and I agree with 99% of it. I don't think A LOT of men are jerks about it. There are some that are and some that are not. You need to find out where you fit into his porn and IF it that part is where you want you want it to be. The best advise is to communicate with him. All things can be fixed or at least understood with communication.

[video_boy]

The members of this site never cease to amaze me with their sound advise and council.

Xenophile was spot on in his remarks and there is no need to expound on them further.

If we cut to the quick, I think your feelings are perfectly valid and you need to know that. I suspect that you have serious concerns about your partner's objectification of women, you in particular. In other words, the revelation that your husband enjoys porn is yet another symptom of a larger problem. If I am right, sex has become less and less of a mutually enjoyed and love affirming activity. Perhaps i might even go as far to say that it has begun to feel cheap, and the fact that he views other women and is excited by them, cheapens what you are to him.

You need to feel emboldened by your support here. Openly and honestly discuss your issues with him. I hope you discover that he is very similar to the majority of us. Porn is a benign activity that is hard wired into the male animal, a decidedly visual sexual beast. For most men, the visual is equal to the tactile. If you, unfortunately, uncover that he is an objectifier then we need to have another discussion.

[greentryingtounderstand]

He like ENF so I will download it myself to play when I give him a blow job .

I make videos of myself in the bathtub and touching myself in bed and random things . Laughing naked. I will get on top of him and masturbate naked .

I am 5'2 redhair blue eyes very busty .

I cook dinner for him naked . I offer blow jobs every single time and swallow .

[xxxxenophile]

Originally Posted by greentryingtounderstand

He like ENF so I will download it myself to play when I give him a blow job .

I make videos of myself in the bathtub and touching myself in bed and random things . Laughing naked. I will get on top of him and masturbate naked .

I am 5'2 redhair blue eyes very busty .

I cook dinner for him naked . I offer blow jobs every single time and swallow .

I don't know any man (or most women!) who wouldn't find your description to be perfect, ideal and the highest goals to ever hope for! He still might look at other physical types of women (remember - men like variety!) but so long as he demonstrates to you that you are a wonderful addition to his life, and he goes to similar extremes to make YOU happy in other ways, then hes doing okay!

But if he's taking all of these gestures and efforts from you and not giving back to you, with love and support and respect and pleasure, then he doesn't sound like anyone who deserves you.

Giving of yourself is healthy and good and loving. But your partner should also be doing the same, in whatever way they know how. If they just take and don't give back, they aren't really loving you.

[greentryingtounderstand]

I guess maybe that is the thing. We have been together for 2 years he won't even finger me . I always perform for him but no matter how much I give and try I feel like he doesn't want me sexually.

He wont have intercourse with me im only allowed to give him blow jobs .

I have to touch myself he watches and encourages it but he wont help.

[clitty]

You have some thinking to do...

Looking at porn and what *HE* does are different. I finger, eat, love my wife all the time. I'll rub or pat her butt when walking by. I'll touch or hold her in bed... we've been together for a few years.

You sound like a great gal, you're out to please (but also - the things you do, make sure YOU enjoy them too)

Really consider finding someone else... or talk with your BF about the unfairness and other issues.
If you cannot talk to him about these things, then you have problems in your relationship... it will fail.
If he doesn't properly have sex with you and give you intimacy - your relationship will be miserable, until it fails.
If he DOESN'T make any effort to fix his issues, get help, or anything that would improve the relationship - then leave.

How old are you? 20years or 40 years old... don't waste your time with a man who won't eat you out.


PS: Don't be naked 24/7. It kind of hurts the fantasy of opening presents... or to take a peak.

[Just Beal]

Originally Posted by greentryingtounderstand

I guess maybe that is the thing. We have been together for 2 years he won't even finger me . I always perform for him but no matter how much I give and try I feel like he doesn't want me sexually.

He wont have intercourse with me im only allowed to give him blow jobs .

I have to touch myself he watches and encourages it but he wont help.

This is much different than your 1st post. He has some serious problems. I commend you for trying so hard but he isn't meeting you half way or even trying by the sounds of it. It seriously IS NOT you it is truly him. You also need to bolster your self esteem to see this situation for what it is. Either he gets some help (counselling) fast or you move on. You're going no where fast with this dud.

[BaconBot]

This place might be more helpful, honestly. http://www.reddit.com/r/deadbedrooms

[xxxxenophile]

Originally Posted by greentryingtounderstand

I guess maybe that is the thing. We have been together for 2 years he won't even finger me . I always perform for him but no matter how much I give and try I feel like he doesn't want me sexually.

He wont have intercourse with me im only allowed to give him blow jobs .

I have to touch myself he watches and encourages it but he wont help.

This really makes me sad. I've been with the female equivalent of such guys - it's a completely horrible, depressing life given how it destroys your sense of self-worth. Now I'm with a woman who celebrates sex, with me, and with others that she brings home. It's like night and day. I will never go back to someone who doesn't embrace giving me pleasure.

You can do much better than this guy. I don't care where you live, or how old you are. There are men (or even women!) who will treat you much better.

Strength.