Rayna's big day

[smjimmie1348]

Ok I agree but there is no backstory I just included her to have her step on her dress and humiliate rayna that is all.

[superfag95]

Yeah but you have to understand people don't just step on another girls dress. Even if it was just she was jealous of her or something at least the reader gets a sense of why things in the stories are happening.

[smjimmie1348]

Oh I get it thanks however I'm sry to say this but I won't be rewriting this story if I do I will probably do more wrong than good so I will move on to other stuff that you all would like for me to do?

[Seuern]

Originally Posted by smjimmie1348

I thought I did by having the crowd stunned and her running to the bathroom naked to protect her modesty.

And yes, it was a good point, but by flesh out, I mean add more detail. We've got the most basic structure of what you want to happen, but our jobs as writers are to paint a picture that is clear and vivid.

A little half-assed example could be: "She looked down, seeing her naked lower half. She had instantly regretted shaving, as she had not even the cover which her natural state could afford to her if she had not butchered it. She was left dazed, her dress carelessly around her ankles and her 'friend' not seeming to budge.

....

With no option, having already been humiliated not once, but twice by her attempt at stealing her friend's dress, she looked like a deer in head lights. On all sides there were people, all curious at the fledgling adult baring herself, albeit unintentionally, and she did the only think that came naturally. She ran.

...

Her heart was heaving from the adrenaline of the short sprint added to her humiliation. People ran after her as she ran even! Were they that rabid in the sight of flesh? Rayna had not thought they were protecting her, as she was in fight or flight mode, and anything was an enemy to her lowered status. She closed her eyes, letting her naked breasts heave again her chest. A slight drip of perspiration began to flow along her athletic build forming a stream that flew down the steep valley between her chest and would be joined by other droplets.

She was alone in the bathroom, a mutter of a tone she couldn't comprehend indicated that a small crowd, obviously aids to her humiliation, had formed and had no intention of leaving until they were resolved. She had worked more than a decade and right on the cusp of her graduation from school likely stood her greatest challenge; what could she do though? She was naked, a light shudder reminded her, alone in a dimly lit bathroom that had obviously seen the bare minimum of cleansing, and a crowd ready to swallow her up the second she stepped out.

Maybe if she waited here long enough, someone would bring her clothes?"

As it's your story, you've likely got the inspiration I simply didn't have when writing this poor work above. In the excerpt I threw together, far from perfect, I tossed in some of her thoughts, some descriptions of scenery, and some cause and effect. You've obviously a knack and if you can visualize your next story, describe every murky detail in your lust filled fantasy, I'm sure you'll write great things for our community.

But remember, don't even bother if it's not fun. I have to continually go on writing hiatuses due to my stories seeming more a chore than a escape for me, and frankly it's stressful. Read everyone's comments with a grain of salt, my own included, and write what you like. You'll be much happier for it.

[smjimmie1348]

Thanks to all of you who read and commented on this story it means a lot to me so if you want I could do something else so just message me or comment on here and I see what I can do!