April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

That's Mark Gungor, one of the most sought-after speakers on marriage and family in the US. He's also a pastor and a ridiculously funny guy. His Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage® seminars are attended by many people, and he's able to adapt his speech to the religious and non-religious. In this video, "The Tale of Two Brains," Mark explores the differences between men and women, and he pretty much nails it:



Women are much more complicated than men. Men are very simple. And you know why? It's because their brains are so different. First, I want to start with men. Men's brains are very unique. Most women don't realize that whether we are having sex or watching sports, our brains are made up of little boxes, we've got a box for everything. We've got a box for the car. We've got a box for the money. We've got a box for the job. We've got a box for you. We've got a box for the kids. We've got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement.




We've got boxes everywhere. And the rule is: the boxes don't touch. When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box, we pull that box out, we open the box, and we discuss only what is in THAT BOX. And then we close the box and put it away being very, very careful not to touch other boxes.




Now women's brains are very, very different from men's brains. Women's brains are made up of a big ball of wire. And everything is connected to everything. The money is connected to the car and the car is connected to your job and your kids are connected to your mother everything is all connected. It's like the Internet superhighway, and it's all driven by energy that we call emotion. It's one of the reasons why women tend to remember...everything.




Because if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion and it burns in your memory and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men. It just doesn't happen very often, because quite frankly...we don't care. Women tend to care about everything. And she just loves it.




Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of. This particular box has nothing in it. In fact, we call it the "nothing box." And of all the boxes a man has in his brain, the "nothing box" is our favorite box. If a man has a chance, he'll go to his nothing box every time. That's why a man can do something seemingly completely brain dead for hours on end. You know, like fishing.




Now they've actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing, and still breathe.




Women can't do it. Their mind has never stopped. And they don't understand the "nothing box," and it drives them crazy because nothing drives a woman more crazy and makes them feel more irritated than to watch a man doing nothing.

[piecenfiefdom]

(Not sure if this is the right thread - mod's please feel free to move it to the appropriate one!)

from the aol.com home page, September 3, 2014...

[osreb]

20 jokes

click on pic 1 to read the jokes

[oztrax]

This is probably one of my favourite forums here...

Always love the jokes... and Saturday's Jokes... some of the best.

Still laughing...

Thanks Osreb

[johnson22zz]

Thanks for all the great photos!

[thefergieferg1]

Originally Posted by osreb

20 jokes

click on pic 1 to read the jokes

Must be OCC syndrome but I ignored the black bit with the writing and clicked on the first pic of a naked woman!

All good work (jokes and women)

[osreb]

During a commercial airline flight a retired TWA Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude,

the pilot responded,

"Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The TWA Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed:

"And all these years......We've been chewing gum."

[osreb]

see pic #1

[osreb]

read the first pic fast

[Swimashore]

I picked up an African prostitute last night. She couldn't speak much English and kept going on about some kind of expensive medical treatment. Anyone who knows these girls equally knows the routine, they've all got a granny, little sister, or mother who needs expensive medical treatment. It's their way of increasing the price.
I managed to get her name though, it sounded something like Ivy Bowler.