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Erotica Guide to Teasing
byHoldingout1©

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A Couples Guide to Erotic Teasing
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Many couples enjoy playing erotic teasing games to add some extra fun into their sex lives. Teasing games are great way to add some variety to your regular routine which also has the benefit of increasing the sexual tension between two lovers. Every couple is a little different in when and how they choose to play 'teasing games' but for many, it is a fun, additional part of their sex lives that can be played when they are both in the mood. When my wife and I choose to write this guide we hoped that spending some time to write down what we've learned would help introduce new couples to the basic ideas of erotic teasing. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we do, as an erotic adventure to take together.

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Creating The Tease
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To begin to understand the basics of erotic teasing, it helps to first understand what is a tease. Webster's Dictionary defines a tease as:

"To arouse hope, desire, or curiosity in someone without affording satisfaction."

In other words, in order to tease your partner, you must arouse some uncertain hope on their part that they will get to have sex and that they will get to achieve an orgasm. So specifically teasing is not about just putting off sex for long periods of time. That is detachment, which is a negative situation and isn't at all the goal of teasing. Teasing is creating a situation where his orgasm is unpredictable for him. This unpredictability is what creates an erotic tension between lovers. So you should tease your lover regularly and often, even if just for a minute or two, or just enough to get him hard and then walk away. He will be unsure of when you plan to go all the way, and when you will stop, and this will intensify his desire to orgasm.

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Of course, the most direct way of teasing him is to frequently bring him close to the brink of orgasm, which is delicious for both partners, and makes him that much more hopeful this time could be the one where he is able to get off. It is through this unpredictable nature of the orgasm that his hope and desires are increased. And as his desire is increased, so too is his motivation to please you, in the hope that if you are sufficiently pleased, than you will finally allow him some satisfaction as well.

You will find that the more time that you spend teasing him, the more time he will spend trying to please you in return. This is where the fun and play come into teasing games between lovers.

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The Science Of Why It Works
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So why not just allow him satisfaction every time? Wouldn't that make him happier, and also bring the couple closer together? To really understand the answer to this question, it helps to remember Pavlov's dogs, a famous experiment in behavioral conditioning.

Pavlov was able to prove that consistently providing for basic needs at regular predictable intervals actually decreases the dog's desire to seek that need, since that dog knows that the need will always be routinely met. With his needs met, the dog doesn't need to spend energy in seeking to have that need met, and likewise the desire for that need goes down. We never appreciate that which we take for granted. Likewise, the same is also true for consistently withholding a need, in that all hope of ever satisfying that need is abandoned, and so the dog's desire to seek the unattainable need gives way to apathetic hopelessness if unsatisfied for too long.

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But, Pavlov proved that the dog's desire for a need is greatest, and the energy spend seeking that need is greatest, when satisfaction of that need is uncertain. Even after the dog has just had this need met, he will sooner begin trying to meet that need again, since the dog can never be sure when that need will ever be met again.

This brings us back to the original question, and the entire point of erotic teasing, which is that, the excitement of a teasing game is based upon the unpredictability of the orgasm, and the increased desire and efforts the 'teased person' puts forth to achieve the unpredictable orgasm from their partner.

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As a final result, the teased man is spending more time and attention on his woman because his woman is spending more time and attention on teasing him. As you can see, both lovers are spending more time and attention on each other, which builds a closer, stronger relationship, and this is the ultimate benefit of playing erotic teasing games with your lover.

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But Does He Really Want Me To Say No?
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To answer this simply, if he has asked you to tease him, then yes he wants you to deny him as well.

It's worth mentioning this again, because, especially for a couple that is new to erotic teasing, if he's agreed to teasing and denial, he wants both the tease part and the denial part. One without the other does not work. It also does not work if during your play time you ask him if he wants to cum. This is because, if you were to ask this, then you are just giving the control of when he gets to orgasm back to him. If you ask, then he can get gratification whenever he wants which is the opposite of teasing and not what he wanted when he asked to play a teasing game.

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This can be hard for people who are new to teasing to understand because they want to make their partner happy, and they might be afraid that telling him "No Cumming!" isn't going to make him happy. But remember that giving in to his need to cum when he asks does not create any tease at all. It's helpful to remember this fact especially when he is trying to convince you in 'that moment' when he is close to his orgasm.

Some have said that, the point in time where you take the control of his orgasm away from him, is the point in time he has been hoping for all along. It's the point at which you over-ride his immediate desires and you make things unpredictable for him. Once you do this a few times you will see how much it increases the sexual tension between the two of you and where it starts to get fun

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Most men who are into teasing games, deep down want you to take control of their orgasms and own them. The only way to do this is for you to exercise your power over his orgasm by saying "no" now and then, unpredictably.

Lastly, while it may be difficult, don't feel guilty about saying "no", if he didn't really want to be teased, he wouldn't have asked for it in the first place. So, no matter what he says when his cock is hard and his balls are blue, tell him "No" and learn to love saying it. You are fulfilling his wishes, he will love you for it, and you both will enjoy a lot of fun.