[Request] sex in marriage

[filbert1953]

Not quite, Bugeye7, but the vaginal dryness is an issue nowadays.

We've been married almost 40 years, and she's still interested in sex. Ironically, before I had my prostate removed (cancer -- doc says it's all clear, now), when I took Viagra/Levitra, I got too hard for her comfort. Now, even with meds and a vacuum pump, I get a usable erection, but I stay soft enough that she can enjoy it without causing her discomfort.

What's become a problem is scheduling. We're both retired, but we both keep busy with volunteering, hobbies, etc. Since it takes at least 30-45 minutes for the meds to take effect and we both like to shower before sex, plus there's cleaning up the lubricant afterwards, it gets difficult to remember to set aside the time.

F

[captaintrips]

Originally Posted by filbert1953

What's become a problem is scheduling. We're both retired, but we both keep busy with volunteering, hobbies, etc. Since it takes at least 30-45 minutes for the meds to take effect and we both like to shower before sex, plus there's cleaning up the lubricant afterwards, it gets difficult to remember to set aside the time.

F

Ain't that the truth. The lack of spontaneity is the biggest passion-killer of all. You want to but there's the 30-60 minute wait before the pill kicks in and in that time you can get involved in something else and the feeling just goes. What do you do with a no-longer wanted raging erection?

[piecenick]

Spontaneity is easy, my wife and I have spontaneous sex on Thursday mornings at 10:30 and Sunday afternoons at 3:00

[Tifosi]

Originally Posted by piecenick

Spontaneity is easy, my wife and I have spontaneous sex on Thursday mornings at 10:30 and Sunday afternoons at 3:00

Perfect!!!!!

[jrs.1996]

Been married for 18 years I have been dealing with little or no sex for the last 12 years of our marriage. Before our 2 children were born we had sex every where and anywhere. after the first child is slowed down which I understood. When the 2nd child came it went to once every month or so then 4 times a year. I have tried to get her to try different things asked her what she would like to do or try.

She will tell me she was in the mood i would go into the bedroom and lay in bed waiting for her only to find out she fell asleep on the couch. Or she would go into bed not telling me she was in the mood then in the morning tell me she fell asleep waiting for me to come into bed. If I try to become intimate she becomes very nasty or will do something to try and get me out of the mood and I usually roll over and go to sleep.This seems to have become a game for her to play at my expense.

I have asked if I was the problem if i was good enough, not doing what she wanted, and she always tells me I'm not the problem. If I mention anything about possibly going out and being able to have sex, I am told she will divorce me. I can't remember the last time we have had sex .I do love her but I hate that I feel like I have to beg for it
I have spoke with her about it and I am told that is all I every think about.

So I have recently given up on asking or trying .I usually take care of it myself and not deal with the aggravation or disappointment.

A friend of mine told me years ago "When you get married your wife is your right hand, After children your right hand is your wife"

[captaintrips]

Originally Posted by jrs.1996

Been married for 18 years I have been dealing with little or no sex for the last 12 years of our marriage. Before our 2 children were born we had sex every where and anywhere. after the first child is slowed down which I understood. When the 2nd child came it went to once every month or so then 4 times a year. I have tried to get her to try different things asked her what she would like to do or try.

She will tell me she was in the mood i would go into the bedroom and lay in bed waiting for her only to find out she fell asleep on the couch. Or she would go into bed not telling me she was in the mood then in the morning tell me she fell asleep waiting for me to come into bed. If I try to become intimate she becomes very nasty or will do something to try and get me out of the mood and I usually roll over and go to sleep.This seems to have become a game for her to play at my expense.

I have asked if I was the problem if i was good enough, not doing what she wanted, and she always tells me I'm not the problem. If I mention anything about possibly going out and being able to have sex, I am told she will divorce me. I can't remember the last time we have had sex .I do love her but I hate that I feel like I have to beg for it
I have spoke with her about it and I am told that is all I every think about.

So I have recently given up on asking or trying .I usually take care of it myself and not deal with the aggravation or disappointment.

A friend of mine told me years ago "When you get married your wife is your right hand, After children your right hand is your wife"

Can it be that she is deeply worried about get pregnant again and having to go through childbirth again? I know it is against the survival of the species but nevertheless some women are traumatized by childbirth. Thank goodness others embrace it. I', just wondering if an offer of a vasectomy on your part might improve things.

Or maybe she feels deep down that having produced your two offspring her sexual function is no longer needed.

Or maybe she's getting it from that fit looking guy 5 doors down. Sorry.

Tiredness and exhaustion will often cause a woman to loose all interest in sex. And many men too. Are the children stretching her resources too far?

I don't which country you live in but most places have organisations that will offer marriage conciliating and counselling and it sounds to me that before either of you takes the road to the divorce court a stopover for some counselling might do you good.

That said, sex is a primal drive in all of us. No good will come of suppressing it. In the marriage ceremony they say to love and cherish but what they really mean is to fuck and be fucked.If that ain't happening they you are maybe both right to look elsewhere.

Good luck.

[jimmybob69]

I would just like to share my experience over the last few years. Perhaps some of you can take some ideas from my experience. This is not a sermon. This is just a recounting of my experience and how I have changed my life for the better. As I say to my children and friends, my advice is worth exactly what you paid for it. Do with it what you will.

I, like many here, have gone for a year or more without sex. Several years, as a matter of fact.
I, like many here, have spent time trying to resolve the issue of my desire for sex, with my wife, and her lack of desire for sex, period.
For over a year, ending in January 2012, on my 33 anniversary, I waffled between having an affair and getting a divorce.

Having an affair was out of the question. My first wife cheated on me several times and the pain was too much. No matter how angry I was about the lack of sex in our marriage, I could not bring that pain to my wife.

Divorce was another question, but at 62 I was really not looking forward to dating, etc, and, the concept of splitting the marriage assets, fights over money, the house, and a successful business, seemed overwhelming.

After my first marriage ended, I had sought counseling. One of the things I had learned, but failed to apply to my life, was that the only person that you can change is yourself. I decided that beginning with our 33rd anniversary I would give one year to changing myself in an effort to save my marriage.

On January 6, 2012, I stopped on my way home and bought my wife 33 roses. One for each year we had been married. She was not expecting them because we had not acknowledged or celebrated our anniversary in about 10 years. No card, no dinner, no nothing.

I told her that I was sorry for the way thing had been over the last few years but they would be better. I was not expecting anything from her. This was my year to change.

We ate dinner and went about our usual life that night.

A few nights later, after I got home, she started complaining about something truly inconsequential. I don't remember whether it was about me or some other event. My typical response, no matter what the reason for her anger, would have been wrong. This day was different. I walked over to her and said "I know somebody that needs a hug" and she said "I DON'T need a hug" and I told her that she did, she just didn't know it yet. I put my arms around her and gave her a hug and asked her if she felt better and she said it didn't help. I said I must not have done it right so I did it again. It didn't help this time either but she was starting to change. There was a little less anger. So, I did it again. Didn't help this time either but there was a change in her eyes. A couple more hugs and she was starting to grin and by the time I was done with her she was laughing. The situation had been defused and instead of her being pissed off, she was now in a good mood. By changing my reaction, I had changed her.

I have used this so many times that my grown kids, all boys, caught on. If she goes into a rant while they are around they will say "does somebody need a hug?" If there is more than one here, it will become a group hug and everyone ends up laughing. Not only did I change her, but I changed them.

That weekend, I suggested we go out to dinner, just the two of us. Just something casual. So we went out to the Ruby Tuesdays nearby. It is one of her favorites because they have a big salad bar.

After dinner I asked her if she would like to watch a movie with me. I had picked up a comedy that I thought she would enjoy. She doesn't like sci-fi, or drama. She likes to be entertained and laugh. So, we camped out in front of the TV to watch the movie, and had a few adult beverages. After the movie was over she said she had enjoyed the evening, just the two of us, and I made my pitch. How about ending the evening with a little "dessert". She said sure, and we were off.

The following Saturday, I suggested a repeat of the previous Saturday. Dinner, a movie, and "dessert" and she said it sounded like fun, so we did it again.

As a matter of fact, we have done it every Saturday, in one form or another, for two and a half years.

We have been invited to other events over that period of time and my response has always been that Saturday night is date night with my wife. If she would like to change it, it is up to her, but as far as I am concerned, she and I go out to dinner, watch a movie, and have dessert. It has gotten to the point that none of the kids come over on Saturday evening, nobody calls, because everybody knows where we will be Saturday night, and as far as I am concerned, it is written in stone.

We have had conversations about what she like and doesn't like. She brought up the issue of post menopausal dryness so we have tried different lubricants. Then she said they didn't get far enough in so.........I give myself an injection of Testosterone every week and save the used syringes. Not the needles, just syringes. They are washed to remove all traces of the testosterone. They are tiny, about 1/4" diameter. 1 ml total volume. We use them to put peroxide on cuts, alcohol in ears, any thing where you might have trouble placing a liquid. I asked her what she thought about trying to use one of the syringes to get the lube where it was needed and she said go for it. Now, it is a ritual for me to fill two small syringes with different lubes prior to our lovemaking so they are available at the right time. This has totally solved the painful intercourse associated with postmenopausal vaginal dryness and returned pleasure to her. One of her friends told me recently that during a girl conversation about sex, when the other ladies were complaining, yes the ladies complain too, my wife said that sex is so good for her that sometimes she sees flashes of light when she cums.

Because I have changes the way I respond to her, she has, unconsciously, changed the way she responds to me.
I refuse to strike out at her verbally. If she is angry, I let it pass. If she doesn't want to do something with me I do it myself.

I like to go to the nude beach. Gunnison Beach is closest. She said she is uncomfortable with the nudity and I annoy her asking her to go topless. So, I started gong by myself. She decided she might want to go but wanted to sit near the break near the textile side, so she went with me again. She started chatting with some of the folks on the beach and discovered that just because you are naked, you are not a pervert. Now she goes to the beach. Her idea, not mine. We drive down on Friday evening, have dinner, stay in a room, have dessert, and spend a day, together, by ourselves, on the beach. I don't bug her about topless. Life is too short. But, I have said to her, "someday, when I am changing your diaper, you will apologize to me for not giving me that small amount of pleasure".

As I stated in the beginning, I have gone years without sex. I was bitter and angry with my wife. There were weeks when we would hardly speak. I would lie awake, not being able to sleep because the person next to me was not fulfilling my expectations about being a sex partner. I decided to change me. The reality of physics is that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The reality of relationships is that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

By changing the action, you can change the reaction.

To everybody in this thread, change yourself and see how it will change your life.

[filbert1953]

What do you do with a no-longer wanted raging erection?

Two times it was a problem came to mind when I read your response.

One New Year's Eve shortly after I'd started taking Viagra, we were all set to get down and dirty; the Viagra was working, and we were in the mood. Then, just as we were undressing, we got a telephone call that a close friend and former co-worker of my wife's had died. That killed the mood, but not the erection. My wife was in tears, so I wound up having to hit the bathroom and masturbate.

Backing up a few months, I'd just started taking the blue pills. At that time, I'd get at least two very functional erections; we'd go at it, take a break and have supper, etc., then go at it again.

We had sex, then supper, and started watching a program on the Titanic. Out of the blue... BOING! No foreplay, not even some cuddling. My wife still jokes about people drowning having an odd effect on me!

F

[alterego8184]

Jrs.1996 and camflasher ... I am in the same boat albeit one that is rocking a bit differently thankfully ... We are married for 7 yrs now and have got two kids 4 and 2 yrs old. But our sex life has been good. I also faced the same problems of her being tired, exhausted rather, irritated with the kids, not in the mood, etc. But our average frequency has still been 2-3 times a week... and mind you all with her willing and orgasming most of the times with me or before me.
What I think primarily worked for me (and still works) was I never let her feel that sex is only thing that I want. So i would do things to make her feel how important she is to me. Like, after coming back from work, I would let her take a complete break from kids for an hour before they are put to sleep. So when time comes she is relaxed ... and feels cared for. Quite often it did happen that babies threw up pranks ( i still rem once when she was in the middle of climaxing when the younger one started screaming. Boy, she was livid!) ... But i guess thats the fun part. .. Give her a bath, massage her early in the morning on a weekend, let her go out of the house shopping for just an hour alone ... and am sure she would return the favours.

[camflasher]

Originally Posted by ModelT

Camflasher, I don't know what to say (write). I joined this group thinking we could help a few members find ways to play sex games. Just this one post and finding out you and your wife are having sex again makes it all worth being here. We both hope you and Mrs Cam continue to enjoy sex at least now and then. By the way, beautiful ass!

mikee45. Ever since that first young guy shared an apple with that nymphomanic in the garden man has wondered what the hell he was getting into. Supposedly Eve was the Devil's work. Man has suffered in hell ever since but loved almost every minute of it. Great wars, murder, and criminal acts are often over woman.
I've also seen friends and their wives not have sex for years then later find those same cold sexless wives were having affairs with others. Man can go to the moon, invent this computer, and other things, but no man has figured woman out!

Thank you ModelT,DRDavenport,alterego and others for your lovely comments on this thread. well just to let you all know, that was 10 days before we had sex and till now nothing and still counting ) But as you guys have said, am trying to be more patient, since i know nothing is going to come off by hurrying..

As alterego said, i will try giving her a massage every nite.. That may help.. Earlier she used to have Wine/Alchohol regularly and then after that, it was much easier.. But now a days after the kids, she hates alchohol, since she has to feed my son.

After reading all the posts in here, i understand Divorce is not the option nor is cheating, as ModelT rightly puts it. you guys have travelled these roads and from your posts i know, its not an easy road. But for me, atleast on fridays i get to expose her on cam to few of my male friends (for 20 to 30minutes, if am lucky),which really satisfies my fantasy world. i will keep posting in here, with new pics of her and let you all know the outcome..

ModelT has really made my day today with his comment on my wife's ass..