April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

Boudreaux,the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard,
got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's first assignment was in a
military induction center.


Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new
recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which
they were entitled. The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux
was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form
of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income
recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the
government was already providing at no charge.


The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next
briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.


Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If
you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets
youself killed, da govment' pays you benefishery $20,000.


If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t'irty
dollars a munt, den da governmen' gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000!


"Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta
Afghanistan first?

[sooty]

Back in the early 80s when digital movie cameras first came out my next older brother (G) bought the latest version (You could hardly lift the battery) to film his son's wedding. Previous versions did not have audio and he was not aware that his new model did and whilst filming the arrival of the wedding limo he was talking to my eldest brother (J). The chauffeur was a very rough looking character and not what they had expected at all and brother G said to brother J "That c*nt looks like a fucking robber!".

A couple of weeks later the family were all gathered to watch the "lovely" film of the wedding when all of a sudden you heard G's words loud and clear. It was a source of many laughs for a long time as this was at a time when that language was rarely used in mixed company.

[osreb]

Christmas cookies

[osreb]

I pointed to two “old farts” across the bar from us and told my friend Bob, "That'll be us in ten years."


He turned to me and said,


"That's a mirror, you dumb shit."

[osreb]

snowman humor

[osreb]

Okay, here's the reason why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies", while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".

When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.

When old people poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will.

There now, wasn't that simple?

[osreb]

how to cheat at poker....click on the pic

[osreb]

some comic book gafs

[osreb]

I'm sorry cake

[osreb]

The law of Coeur d'Alene, in Idaho, to save people the embarrassment of being caught in the act, prohibits police officers from approaching any vehicle parked immediately if they suspect that passengers are being intimate.