April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread - Page 128

onlyheubsch · #**1271** 01-04-2013, 10:13 PM

Best long lived and funny thread 2013 !!

osreb · #**1272** 01-07-2013, 07:37 PM

My wife asked me the other day, "At your age, what would you prefer to get - Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?"
I answered, "Definitely Parkinson's. Better to spill half an ounce of Crown Royal, than to forget where you keep the bottle."

osreb · #**1273** 01-11-2013, 11:19 PM

My wife, being the romantic sort, just sent me a text...

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams
If you are laughing, send me your smile
If you are eating, send me a bite
If you are drinking, send me a sip
If you are crying, send me your tears
I love you

I replied...
I'm taking a shit. What should I do?

osreb · #**1274** 01-12-2013, 09:20 PM

Adult Barbie

osreb · #**1275** 01-12-2013, 09:22 PM

Barbie..part II

osreb · #**1276** 01-21-2013, 10:45 PM

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, handloading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

�There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.�

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

�I wasn't!�

**Sparky 45** · #**1277** 01-25-2013, 04:11 PM

I worked with a guy who turned red at the slightest hint of impropriety. One of the cutest blondes at the office turned him bright crimson with this little Q&A.
"Why should you masturbate with this hand?"

**Sparky 45** · #**1278** 01-25-2013, 04:12 PM

Because it's mine!

osreb · #**1279** 01-25-2013, 11:04 PM

Two lawyers had been marooned on a dessert island for almost a year
after their ship had sunk during a terrible storm. One day while walking
along the beach, the two lawyers find a beautiful unconscious woman
washed up on the shore.
The first lawyer asks the second lawyer, "Think we should fuck her?"
And the second lawyer replies, "Outta what?"

osreb · #**1280** 01-26-2013, 06:44 PM

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom,
"Mom, I've got a problem".

She says, "Tell me".

He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand.

She asks him, "What are they?"

He says "Well, pussy and b*tch".

She says, "Oh that's no big deal. Pussy is a cat like our little Mittens,
and b*tch is a female dog like our Sandy".

He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement.

He says to his dad,
"Dad, the boys at school are using words I don't know,
and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning."

Dad says, "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters.
She can't handle them. What are the words?"

He tells him, "Pussy and b*tch."

Dad says "OK".
He pulls a Playboy down from the shelf,
takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold, then says,
"Son, everything inside this circle, is pussy".

"Ok Dad, so what's a b*tch?"

"Son" he says, "everything outside the circle."

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