April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

We laugh -- but her I. D. is safe.
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that a blond employee was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacrame nto"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

[osreb]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her .

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .









Wait for it. .





























She says :

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

(Oh shut up, and just forward it!)

[osreb]

Dear wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your ex-husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear ex-husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a penny from me, so take care.

Signed, your ex-wife, rich as hell & free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

***** MAINSTREAM MOVIE CAP REMOVED *****

[osreb]

A wife asks her husband, "Would you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later, the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"

He replied, "Because they had avocados."

(If you're female, you'll probably go back to read it again. Males will get it the first time.)

Makes sense to me!

[osreb]

halloween pics

[osreb]

for those looking for a Christmas gift for their honey...

[osreb]

Shot my first turkey yesterday..it was awesome!

Scared the $hit out of everyone in teh frozen food section.

Getting old is so much fun...

[osreb]

Complete and Finished

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

In a recently held linguistic competition held in London , England , and attended by the best in the world. Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer .... when you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado Rum.

[stef de bef]

Nice big butt

[osreb]

It all makes sense now.

Gay marriage & marijuana being legalized on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."

We were just interpreting it wrong.