April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!"
She retorted indignantly.
'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '..

$10.00 says you're gonna read this again!

[osreb]

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:


Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

***** WATERMARKED PIC REMOVED *****

[Fango]

Originally Posted by osreb

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:


Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

***** WATERMARKED PIC REMOVED *****

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...5&d=1318735895

Holy crap! Any more of her?

Thanks

Fango

[osreb]

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1.98, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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[osreb]

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible

But pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

[osreb]

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.

Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys.

The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.

As the nurse is getting dressed she informs the patient that studies have shown that before a

vasectomy, if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vas is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have an HMO.

[osreb]

I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.

The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.... 'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '

They walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.

She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '

They Walk Among Us!

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'. They Walk Among Us!

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"

I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.... They Walk Among Us !

[osreb]

Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices
like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he
had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical
insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had...
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete
medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,
'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an
electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for
the doctor.


An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the
nude and asked Bubba what he had.


Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

[osreb]

Type of Differences Women Scream during Orgasms.

1. The Optimist - " Ahh ..... Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

2. The Pessimist - " Ahh ..... Oh No, Oh No, Oh No ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

3. The Confused - " Ahh ..... Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

4. The Traveler - " Ahh ..... I'm coming, I'm coming ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

5. The Religious - " Ahh ..... Oh God, Oh God..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

6. The Needy - " Ahh ..... More, More, More..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

7. The Beggar - " Ahh ..... Please ..... Please ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

8. The Submariner - " Ahh ..... Ohhhh ..... Deeper ..... Go DEEPER..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

9. The Sports woman - " Ahh ..... Faster ..... Faster ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

10. The Mimicry artist - " Ahh ..... Shhhhh ..... Hsssss ..... Shhhhh ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

11. The Dutiful Daughter - " Ahh ..... Oooh maaaa ..... Oooh maaaa ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

12. The Wrestler - " Ahh ..... Hold me tight ..... Rougher ..... Harder ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

13. The Murderer - " Ahh ..... I am going to cum ..... Ahh ..... If you cum before me, I'll kill you ..... Aaahhh ..... ! "

[osreb]

JUST SOME HUMOR PICS