[bbgapril]

A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus, tells the bartender, "Hey, hire me. My talking octopus will bring in customers!".

Bartender says, "Big deal, talking animals. We've had talking horses, dogs, fish, birds...get out of here with your stupid octopus."

Guy says, "Wait, my octopus can play any instrument like a virtuoso!".

Bartender points to piano, says "Let's see him do something on the keyboard."

Octopus goes over to piano, starts playing with eight arms, sounds like four concert pianists jamming. Bartender yells over to live band, to bring over a guitar. Octopus plays incredible music, sounds like three guitar masters playing. Bartender says, give him a trumpet, octopus plays jazz with blinding fury over six octave range.

Scotsman over in the corner says "'Wait just a wee minute, let's us see 'im do somethin' wi' me bagpipes". Scotsman hands over his pipes to the octopus.

Octopus coils and flops and grabs all over the bagpipes, nothing coming out but occasional off-key honks and burps and toots.

Bartender says "Haha, look at him flounder! He doesn't know how to play those!".

Octopus looks up from his struggles and says "Play it? As soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"