Birth of a crazy chick episode 1
 

Hey you guys I am back with a new story and I like to call it birth of a crazy chick and this happens to be part 1 but before I begin I would like to thank doctor ripper and 1993wwe for helping me back to where I need to be so thank you but anyway lets get to the story so we see aj lee the former divas champion walk into the office of Stephanie McMahon and she said hi boss lady and Stephanie said hey April just to let u know u are in a match tonight and that match will be a tag team match when you team up with the divas champion Paige to fight the team of summer rae and Eva Marie and oh get ready because that match is next.



We are now here in the ring where the lovely Lillian Garcia is standing in the ring and she is wearing a small yellow dress and she has a wwe microphone in her hand and she says this match is a tag team match and it is scheduled for one fall and the only way to win is by pinfall or submission so introducing first the team of Eva Marie and summer rae and they walk into the ring Eva is wearing a small silver shirt and some red shorts while summer is wearing a small silver top and some matching silver shorts and they grabbed a microphone and then they said we want to be a part of the greatest ppv besides wrestlemania which happens to be 3 weeks away in a little place called Los Angeles so I propose the winners of this tag team match will face each other next week and the winner will face Paige for the divas title at summerslam and then lets light it up played on the speakers

Micheal cole- well here comes aj I guess she has something to say about that and aj gets in the ring and asks for a microphone and says no I'm still the no 1 contender and then she was about to speak again when they heard the screeching scream of the divas champion Paige and she walks into the ring and grabs a microphone and says what we do in England will happen here as long as I am champion so I agree I accept the terms and aj was furious but lets start the match

So here we are live on Monday night raw and we are 3 weeks away from summerslam and you can watch that and other pay per views live on the wwe network for only 9 99 but lets commentate the match its aj starting things off with summer and aj screams and pushed summer into the turnbuckle then stepped back to give her room then ran at her at full speed but summer moved out of the way and aj lee fell out of the ring and landed hard on the floor and then summer tagged Eva in then Eva got off the apron and grabbed aj and tossed her back in the ring and started celebrating and then got in the ring and aj was on all fours and started crawling over to her tag team partner the divas champion Paige but she jumped down from the apron and grabbed her divas title and started skipping back to the back and then aj lee stood up and then got kicked in the face by Eva then Eva tagged summer rae and she got on the top rope and did a split legged leg drop and pinned aj 1 2 3 so your winners of the match are summer rae and Eva Marie and then they walked back to the back and then here comes Paige and she helps aj up but then tosses her out of the ring and then grabs her black love bites shirt and pulls it off to reveal aj lees white bra then Paige grabbed her shorts and pulled them off leaving aj stripped down to her white bra and pink thong then finally officials came to stop it then Paige left with ajs clothes still skipping to the back well that was part 1 let me know what you think

Punctuation
 

Here. Now its readable. I punctuated it and even fixed some of your grammar. Hope it helps.



It's still mostly your original material. I did what I could to make it readable but I'm not a miracle worker. Any problems left with the story itself are yours.

Hey
 

Hey thnx but u don't have to be mean about it

Hey smjimmie. Glad you did opt to give it a go again. What I would suggest is trying to slow things down a bit and pad them out a lot. You had a full match over the course of six lines and rushed the euf part too. That's kind of the meat of what people are reading for and if you take that away... its hard for people to enjoy this. It never hurts to see what others are being critiqued on and trying to learn from them. A lot of the suggestions that were made for me in the "Paige: The Unstoppable WWE Divas Champion" story applies here too and the story could really benefit from a larger length and a focus on trying to fix up the punctuation a bit.

It's worth it to slow things down, add more to each moment and trying to tighten up the grammar a bit. It is hard to get into a story when you keep getting pulled out of it by getting confused over sentences/grammar. Its better off to try, and maybe miss a few punctuation spots, than to not add any at all.

Hey
 

Hey thanks 1993wwe for that comment for episode 2 I will try and hopefully get it done by Sunday and we will see how this story progresses until then famous words from someone special to me smell ya later

I'm sorry but you can't be over 18.

Hey long time lerker here, I agree with Divalover that I doubt your over 18 given the way you said goodbye and the really poor writing skills.

Hey
 

Hey I'm new at this writing stuff so chill out with that when you first started writing u probably weren't good practice makes perfect and so will I and yea I am I was born in 95 but I was just playing pokemon and that popped up so I said it ok if I was wrong for saying it I'm sry but those 2 comments doesn't deserve to be on a story that's only just the beginning so plz stop and I would like for each of u to grow a set and write something instead of bashing other people's hard work so good day

My friend I did not mean to offend you I was simply pointing out that you seemed a little young for this now I know it's cause you are only 18 or 19. As for your other comment I don't think anyone here needs to grow a set I am perfectly happy to read the excellent stories on the forum and give feedback, whenever I think I can make a writer better.I personally don't think there was any need for rude comments like that I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Hey
 

It's ok u are new here and u didnt know I should be the one apologizing I just can't believe I tried writing again when last time I wrote a story this happened where it seemed like the whole world was beefing on me because I didn't do this and I didn't do that well like I said I'm still a beginner I'm no pwein212 or divalover95 or doctor ripper or even 1993wwe I just want to be in the same category as them but I guess that will never happen well if that's the case well then there might not be a part 2 sry to all of you out there reading this

No that is not at all the case nobody is " beefing " on you people said things to try and make you better. This is your thread write whatever you want and keep trying and remember to add punctuation and you will progress. But if your trying to do this for the sympathy vote count me out cause I could not abide someone like that.

Hey
 

No it's not that is just like u said I will get better so I will try so thnx for the pep talk and I hope I will hear from u on Sunday when part 2 is released

Sry
 

Sry guys due to me not paying attention when I was going through my stories on my phone I accidentally deleted part 2 of this story so I will have to type it up again so it won't be Sunday I can tell u that much but I'm sry for those people who were expecting a story from me on Sunday but u know what's funny I typed it yesterday and looked over it and I told myself when my brother came home I was gonna go to my room and write it on paper so I don't lose it but I lost it oops sry but like I said I don't know when I will post part 2 but it won't be Sunday but after Sunday if u want to just keep tabs and I will post it as soon as I finish

Hey
 

Hey guys I know what u are thinking just trying to get out of writing a story for u by making some excuse but no that's not the case as I just did a outline and it will feature 10 or more parts all I have to do is type them then write them then post them lol so see u then

Part 2
 

Hey guys and gals I'm back for part 2 of my story called " Birth of a Crazy Chick" and last part we saw Eva Marie and summer rae defeat aj and the divas champion Paige in a tag team match. So lets get part 2 started shall we?

Micheal cole - "wow last Monday was a tremendous tag team match" " lets go backstage where we have Renee Young interviewing Eva Marie"

Renee Young- " Eva last week you and your partner summer rae defeated aj and the divas champion Paige in a tag team match to earn a chance at Paige's divas championship but you will have to face your partner from last week summer rae"

And from out of knowwhere here comes aj and she hits Eva Marie from behind and Renee leaves and aj picks Eva up and throws Eva Marie head first into the locker and we see Eva Marie face down on the floor of the diva's locker room and aj says" u want to humiliate me well I can humiliate u as well" and grabs Eva Marie's shirt and pulls it up and off her body to reveal Eva Marie's red bra

And aj says" that was for not helping me when Paige decided to strip me down to my underwear Monday" and aj grabs her by her hair and slams her head onto the floor and walks off to end friday night smackdown

So that was part 2 let me know what u think and I know it was short but part 3 will be longer and I hope I can get that to you by Sunday so stay tuned to find out

Clean Up
 

Getting better. This time you broke it up so its easier to follow. I took what you had and punctuated it.



I'm not doing this to be mean. I can tell from all your posts that your really enthusiastic about wrestling and the stories on this board. But one of your biggest problems here has always been your writing format and your grammar. That's okay for when you're posting comments but when you're writing a story the most important part is that other people on the board are able to read it, otherwise why are you even bothering to share it? I'm getting rid of your biggest problem for you by fixing the segments of your stories. Now you can focus on writing the best quality story that you can.

Hey
 

Hey thank u and for that do u want me to write something for u it could be a request like Stephanie vs aj if u would like that or torrie vs stacy or Trish vs Lita or Trish vs Stephanie whatever u want I will do

Instead of writing something for me and distracting yourself with a side project, focus on writing the story you're currently working on. I wasn't going to say anything but your match in your first chapter was really short. That's saying something when you consider that diva matches don't even last five minutes anymore. If you really want to thank me, really work on your next chapter and write the best match you can. Stay focused.

Ok
 

Ok but what about when I get done because there is only 7 or 8 parts left but anyway I wasn't gonna do it now I was going to put it to the side and when I got done with this then do that I just want to know what match u would like to see me do when I'm done with this

Hey
 

After finally getting some time to type it i finally finished typing as I post this so now I'm going to write and review before I post so hopefully by late Sunday I can get it to you but if not hopefully before this coming weekend

Okay i'll reply to this the truth is you are not very good at writing stories there is no punctuation, it is rushed and to be honest the idea is okay but you just don't have the skills right now to perfect it. I'm just going to say this to you keep trying your best but if nobody replies don't spam it in other peoples threads, cause that ain't cool people work hard for there stories to be great and don't want people promoting there stories on his thread.

Hey
 

I have some punctuation and I'm at least trying usually I would just sit and wait for others to do one like it or a request from me so yeah and I understand what u are saying about the hard work I know because I put hard work in my stories as well and I'm sry 1993wwe for doing that I truly am and I hope u can forgive me

It's hard for us to believe that you're working hard on improving your writing and punctuation, when your responses are completely stripped of any kind of punctuation. You got to start somewhere. Start with the general language when you write anything, or else you'll be stuck forever in no-punctuation land. The lack of punctuation leads to all around poor writing, not only in your stories, but in your other posts as well. It's hard to understand what you're trying to say. This is the best tip I can give you.

Lol, yeah its no big deal. Don't worry about it.

Update
 

Part 3 has been typed and reviewed halfway done with writing it on paper

And

Part 4 has been typed and reviewed and about to start writing it on paper

Perhaps I've missed something here, in which case I apologise, but why do you need to write it on paper before you post it if it's already typed and ready to go?

haha couldn't agree more :D:D:D

Hey
 

I type on a notepad on my phone then I review it then I write it on paper then I write what was on the paper on to here since I can't copy and paste

I see, assuming you can't keep it on the computer and so can't simply type it on there and then copy and paste it on to here, why can't you just type what's on your phone straight on to here, rather than writing it out on paper first, or just write it on paper in the first place? If you're saying you need to do a first draft, then a second draft, then type it up, then why not write both drafts on paper, since that has to be easier than typing a story on your phone?

Hey
 

The paper is for me too when I decide to post something I post what is on the paper so I can remember all of what I did on there if I did it your way I would forget and mess up so I'm just trying to help you out

Update
 

Part 3 is almost done on paper so will prob post it by the end of today and will try to get part 4 to you by Sunday

I think I'm just going to quit while I'm behind.;) It's possible that what you're saying makes perfect sense but I'm just not getting it. I think maybe our minds just work too differently... good luck with your writing.:)

Hey
 

Thank you I guess

Part 3
 

This is part 3 of " Birth of A Crazy Chick" and last part we saw aj lee strip Eva Marie of her shirt revealing a red bra and tossing her head first into lockers and onto the floor we have a update for you because of the attacks on Eva Marie by aj lee on friday night smackdown Eva Marie has suffered a slight concussion and will be out until after summerslam or maybe even more now lets get part 3 started shall we

Micheal cole - " we are live on Monday Night Raw and let's take you back to this past friday night smackdown where aj lee was embarassed after being stripped down to her underwear by the divas champion Paige last week on Monday night raw she attacked Eva Marie in the diva's locker room and stripped her of her shirt to reveal Eva Marie's red bra and, we heard from the doctors that Eva Marie suffered a concussion so she will be out so therefore there will be a Fatal 4 Way Elimination Match for the right to face Paige at summerslam for the diva's title later tonight between Natalya, AJ Lee, Nikki Bella, and finally Summer Rae"

Lillian Garcia - " this is a fatal 4 way elimination match for the no 1 contendership for the diva's title and the only way to eliminate somebody is by pinfall or submission" Then, " Stars of The Night" plays over the speakers and here comes the diva's champion Paige in a red dress and she walks over to the announce table and sits down right beside JBL and says " hey there old chaps" and, Micheal Cole says " Paige how do you feel about AJ Lee stripping Eva Marie of her shirt last week on Friday Night Smackdown" and Paige says " she shouldn't have done that because me , her, Natalya, and Naomi have built this diva's division to a respectable level and we will not degrade ourselves like we did in the past" .

Then, Micheal Cole - says " wait didn't you last week on Monday Night Raw strip AJ down to her underwear" and Paige was silent so then, Micheal Cole said " ok let's shift it back to ringside for our main event" and, we are back for our main event of Monday Night Raw where we have a Fatal 4 Way Elimination Match for the Number One Contendership for the diva's title which happens to be in the possession of our guest Paige " so here we go we have AJ Lee vs Summer Rae vs Nikki vs Natalya , and Summer went after AJ for what she did to Eva Marie on Friday Night Smackdown , but Natalya grabbed Summer first and irishwhipped her into the turnbuckle for when she broke Nattie's nose then, Nattie got on the turnbuckle and started punching Summer back and forth then, Summer went for a slap but, Nattie dodged it and, kicked her in the gut , then irishwhipped her into the other turnbuckle then, ran at her but, Summer jumped and rolled through and the ref saw this and, counted 1 2 3 so Natalya has been eliminated then, Summer looked down at Nattie and laughed at her then, Nattie speared her and, put her in the Sharpshooter and, Summer tapped out then, Nattie left and all that happened while AJ and Nikki were outside the ring fighting and AJ was on the barricade and, Nikki went for a spear but, AJ moved out of the way and Nikki crashes through the barricade then, AJ saw Summer struggling to get up and ran in the ring and put her in the black widow and, Summer tapped out so then there were 2 it was just between AJ Lee and Nikki Bella who was also struggling to get up after that crash through the barricade then, AJ saw this and, got out of the ring and grabbed Nikki and rolled her in the ring when someone in the crowd said " AJ is Crazy" and, AJ went over there and grabbed the woman's hair and pulled her over the barricade and grabbed her shirt and pulled it off exposing the woman's pink bra then she threw the shirt back at her while the woman was trying to cover up her pink bra then, AJ got in the ring and saw Nikki getting up and went for a dropkick but, Nikki rolled away and the dropkick hit the ref and it knocked him outside of the ring then, Nikki grabbed AJ from behind and put her in the torture rack and AJ tapped out but there was no ref then, Nikki dropped AJ face first onto the canvas then, the crowd roared as Brie came running down the aisle and speared the unsuspecting Nikki and then she picked her up and gave her a bella buster then rolled AJ on top of her and the ref crawled back into the ring after Brie had left and he slowly counted 1 2 3 so your winner and the new no 1 contender for the diva's title is AJ Lee and Paige got in the ring and aj had her back turned to her and Paige went for a cheap shot with the belt but, Aj dodged it and put Paige in the black widow and Paige tapped out but that didnt matter to aj as she let go of it and Paige fell to the canvas and there was Paige face down in the ring wearing a red dress and aj was like yea I should and grabbed her dress and pulled it off exposing Paige's white bra and pink thong and then Aj got out of the ring still holding Paige's dress and started skipping to the back so what will happen in Part 4 let me know what you think of part 3 and what you think will happen in part 4 but stay tuned to find out

You started well with the paragraphs, but then you suddenly stopped making those.

With that said: Punctuations. You say you're trying to get better, but you just completely ignore the biggest flaw that everyone has been pointing out. This is incredibly necessary to become a better writer.

I'll give you a proof read assignment: Read your first paragraph and count how many punctuations you are using there. Read it again and put in punctuations at all the right places. Do this (all the time!), and you will instantly become triple the writer you are today.

can you put paragraphs in please i can not read the last bit.

Hey
 

If you say I didn't have no punctuations clearly u didnt read my story and if I put it in paragraphs it's like taking a break from the action and they don't until the match is over and so will I because it makes sense this is a wwe story

Yeah but the nature of your story shouldn't stop you from using simple English that every child learns, and as for your punctuation you use no full stops or capital letters that I could see in your story. You say you want to get better but every time someone makes a valid comment you fail to change what you did wrong in your story, so why should people believe you?

I'm not going to bother translating this one. If you don't care about making it readable then why should I?

. << That's called a period. You use them to break up your thoughts into smaller things called 'sentences'. A period allows you to take a breath before you continue onward. Putting in random commas doesn't count as punctation. Try reading some of your writing out loud. Take a breath every time you see a .(period) or a ,(comma). You'll be lightheaded before long. If you call this punctuation I'm left wondering how you ever passed high school english class.

There's clearly no point in teaching you about grammar so let's move on. I managed to read your match but there was a glaring plot hole. Why did Brie Bella attack Nikki Bella? Your story takes place BEFORE SummerSlam. Nikki hasn't turned on Brie yet. You never stated that you'd moved the Brie/Stephane Match to an earlier show or changed the Brie/Nikki situation so basically Brie just attacked Nikki for no reason.

This story suffers from the same issues as your Pokemon story. A general lack of punctuation, lack of description and a lack of proper story structure.

I know this sounds mean. But you clearly don't listen to the people that are trying to help you get better. If you're not going to put any effort into making your work readable then no one is going to bother reading it.

Hey
 

Hey I do try I thought I was doing punctuation with the commas and I have capital letters with every time I wrote a divas name and I know you all are trying to help but comments like it u use that punctuation I be surprised if u passed your high school English class that comment is stupid and I'm not intertwining Brie and nikki saga in here just having aj weasel her way to a win so she could regain what's rightfully hers and that's the divas title