A New Life For Royce--If He Can Get Past His Hang-Ups, Part 1

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About a month after their trip to the nudist club Royce telephoned Lana from his apartment. It was the middle of the week and she wasn’t expecting to hear from him.

“Lana. I need to talk to you. Can I come over?”

“What’s wrong?” she gasped, sensing the stress in his voice.

“I can’t tell you over the phone. Are you free now?”

“I’m expecting company soon but I can call him up and cancel.”

“Please. If you can,” Royce begged.

“Give me a few minutes to arrange it. I’ll call and tell you when you can come over.”

Royce didn’t even have time to ring the doorbell. Lana threw open the door and pulled him in.

“Royce, what’s going on? You’ve got me so worried.”

“I’ve been promoted. At work. At least it’ll be official as soon as I accept. They’re moving me into management.”

“That’s wonderful. But why all the drama?”

“I have to relocate. To the West Coast.”

Lana stared silently as she absorbed this news.

“Lana,” Royce said. “I’ve asked you to marry me.” Lana instinctively shook her head and Royce blurted out his next words.

“I know you don’t want to. I won’t press you. But think about this. Come with me. Live with me. Please.”

Lana gave him a sad smile. “I can’t do that. It would just be marriage without the papers. Besides, my life is here.”

“I can turn down the promotion,” Royce told her. “Then I can stay here.”

“No you have to go,” Lana said. “Royce, all your life you’ve been looking for something. This is a great career move and if you take it maybe you’ll find that something you’ve always wanted. But you’ll never get it if you stay with me.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” he protested.

“When will you be moving?”

“In two weeks.”

“Well then we’ll have to make the most of those two weeks.” Lana hugged him. “And I’ll help you pack.”

It was Royce’s final night. The movers had methodically loaded up the furniture and boxed up items and now his apartment was bare and empty. He had made his last trip to the apartment office to sign off the papers and turn in his keys. All that remained was to get in his car in the morning and begin the long journey. He had one more night and he was spending it with Lana.

She had fixed a nice farewell dinner but he didn’t have much of an appetite. Lana cleared away the dishes, that one chore she would never neglect and joined him on the sofa. Later they would go to bed. Later they would once again sleep naked together. But for now they remained fully dressed as they sat on the sofa holding each other in their arms.

“I wish I could get you to change your mind about going with me,” Royce said after a long silence.

Lana just smiled. “I’ll put on some music,” was her reply.

She returned to the sofa and for another long period of silence they held each other. Royce absorbed her warmth and softness and listened to the music.

“There’s one thing I want to ask,” he finally said. “All your other friends. I’d like to think I was special.”

“You are,” Lana responded. “And so are they. Friends are always special.”

“That’s not what I wanted to hear,” Royce sighed. “Wasn’t there anything really special about me?”

Lana looked at him clinically as she pondered the question. “Well,” she finally spoke. “I don’t know if this is what you want to hear either, but of all my friends…”

She paused and Royce held his breath in anticipation.

“Of all my friends you have the prettiest dick.”

***

Royce stared off into space for a long time before he could speak.

“I never saw her again.

"Oh we talked on the phone several times after I moved. And we exchanged Christmas cards the first couple of years. But life goes on. One road leads to another. And after a while…less and less...it just faded away.

“I was involved with my job and then I had all those night classes too. Took a sabbatical to finish my degree and then got my MBA.

“And by that time I was seeing Carol.” He paused and removed his glasses to rub his eyes.

“You still miss Carol?” Martin asked.

“Every day,” Royce admitted. He managed a weak smile. “But all those wonderful years we had together. I guess I’ve still got enough of the old religion to hope somehow she’s waiting for me.”

He rubbed his eyes again. Then he put his glasses back on and looked at Martin. “I needed Lana,” he told him. “I needed her so much. Everything I ever achieved, she gave it to me. Because she made it all possible.

“Look, I’m not any good at explaining these things. I’m not a counselor. There are things youngsters like you won’t understand. I didn’t understand either. But now I know. When you’re as old as I am you’ll know it too.

“You’re young. All your life you’ve never been anything but young. It’s like it’ll last forever so you don’t even think about it. I didn’t. But now I know how short life really is. Don’t waste it.

“Without Lana I would have wasted my life wanting to live and not knowing how. Maybe I would have figured it out years later when it was too late. Lana helped me find life while I was still young. All the rest, my career, the career changes, the success, the company I built, I couldn’t have done that if I hadn’t met her.

“And I never would have had Carol. All that happiness, that companionship, the friendship, all that absolute lustful embracing of life we shared together. I never would have found her without Lana. Never would have known how to teach her to enjoy life. Like Lana taught me. And we never would have passed that love of life on to all those other friends we made.”

“But what about Lana?” Martin asked. “What about her life? All the years that followed. Do you think she was happy?”

“Lana knew what she wanted,” Royce answered. “She always did. Yes, I’m sure she was happy.”

“But can you really be sure?” Martin persisted. “Maybe she really did want you to come back for her. Sweep her off her feet. Take her with you.”

“No,” Royce said emphatically. “Lana did not want that. I know she didn’t.”

Martin studied Royce’s face and nodded, accepting his answer.

“Thinking back about Lana, do you have any regrets?”

“Yes,” Royce admitted. “One very big regret. I wish I had listened to her music. All that music she kept playing.”

“The music?” Martin was puzzled.

“It wasn’t just music,” Royce smiled. “I’m certain Lana was talking to me all along. Communicating feelings and messages with the music she played.

“I’ve thought about this so many times all these years. It all makes sense now. That first time, when I put up the mirror. She didn’t play anything. She didn’t really know me yet. But the next time she put on a record. Mood music. That’s what she called it. I wish I had listened to it. I wish I had paid attention to what this mood was she was giving me. Now that we had spent a night together and she knew me a little better.

“And all the times after. She would put on music. Records. Tapes. She hummed tunes too. She said she sometimes recorded her own tapes. That’s what I really wish I had listened to. The things she thought were important enough to record.

“That tape she played that last night. The one I finally listened to. She recorded that one.”

He looked at Martin and smiled and then continued. “There was this girl. Popular singer when I was a kid. Her name wouldn’t mean anything to your generation. But she was big in my time. Had several hit songs.

“That tape Lana played for me. That last night. She recorded one of those hit songs. Several times. So the same thing played over and over. And the title of the song, the whole theme of the song...”

Royce paused and looked at Martin with a knowing smile.

“You Don’t Own Me.”

[heartfire05]

Author’s Notes:

1. I began writing this story on an impulse. I just started with an idea and wanted to see what I could do with it. By the end of Part 3 I knew where the story going so I pushed on as fast as I could. One, because I was on a roll, and two, because I was eager to see exactly how I was going to handle the ending with old Royce remembering Lana. Usually I would post the latest part to the forum as soon as I finished writing and proof checking it. If the time stamp shows it being posted in the 5:00-6:00 AM time frame then I was up all night writing it.

2. Since old Royce is a contemporary character the story had to necessarily take place several decades in the past. I tried to reflect that era with outdated things like telephone men installing telephones in homes and the bit about black and white TV’s. I don’t know if the descriptive title go-go girl is still in usage but that too was part of those ancient times and it’s exactly what young sailor Royce would have gone looking for.

3. I’m sure this is not the typical story found on this forum. I hope the readers like it, but that really isn’t my number one priority. Above all else I have to like it, and if I don’t it won’t matter what the others think because they’ll never see it. Obviously I like it since I’ve put it up for all to read.

4. I always hated sad endings. I hated it when authors created characters I really liked and then killed them off. But being an author myself the perspective is different. There’s power in being the one who creates and crafts the story. Characters literally live or die at your command and it’s a heady experience. What’s the point of having power if you don’t put it to use?

5. But in another sense there’s a reason for injecting tragedy and sadness in a story. It’s one of the most powerful and effective ways to make a point the readers will understand, because it really grabs their emotions. If Royce had gone on to a great life while he and Lana lived happily ever after it might have been a nice read. It also would be quite forgettable. And it’s not real life. Royce did have a very good life but some real heartbreak’s came too and were a necessary part of the building process. No Pain No Gain isn’t just about pumping up muscles.

6. Royce is not an autobiographical character. At best he’s a composite of several people I’ve known, none of whom would likely recognize any part of themselves in this fictional person. As for his name, it is not taken from an automobile. The name Royce as used in this story was borrowed from a cartoon dog that used to make an occasional appearance in a popular newspaper comic strip, until being written out and moved on to a different home in the cartoon universe.

7. Lana is only slightly more anchored in the real world. Many years ago while living in a different city I had to drive past a certain house going to my neighborhood. Most of those trips, it was just another house no different from any other. But there was an older lady living there who would get out and work on her flower garden while wearing a bikini. I saw her maybe three times total. But she was definitely eye catching. For the sake of assigning a name to her I’ll call her RealLana. I have a lot of respect and admiration for ladies like her who are that comfortable with themselves and not afraid to challenge the conventions imposed by society. Just as I respect the women who challenged Victorian mores a hundred years ago by rejecting those absurd bathing costumes with the skirts and shoes and parasols and instead dared to expose their bodies and legs in swimsuits they could actually swim in. Also the women who transitioned from the one piece suit to the bikini despite the storm of criticism. Also those who continue to push the envelope for personal freedom today. We owe them much. I tried to portray Lana with all the respect and admiration I can give. I never met RealLana but I believe I could show her this story and she wouldn’t be offended by any of it. I like to think she would actually get a kick in knowing she was the inspiration for Lana.

8. After I finished the initial draft of Part 7 and before posting I went back and completely rewrote the section about the young couple Chuck and Irene. In the original Irene wasn’t pregnant. But instead they already had two small children, a little girl and a baby. At the café instead of having an empty seat next to Lana the little girl was seated there and Lana helped cut up her food into child sized pieces. Much to the gratitude of Irene who was occupied with bottle feeding the baby. My intent was to give Royce a stunning view of what a family can be. How beautiful it can be. So different from what he had to experience. But when I proof checked it I wasn’t sure if it fit within the boundaries of acceptability so I went back and removed the children. In the original it was the daughter who was wearing the radio station t-shirt that was pregnant. I took that away from her and gave it to Irene. So instead of seeing a wonderful young family in the here and now, Royce’s imagination had to envision a wonderful young family that was soon to be. Not as powerful and stunning an image but I did my best with it.

9. I have mixed feelings about writing dialog. It’s hard writing trying to make it all relevant and realistic. But it’s also an exciting challenge to put yourself in the minds of your characters and bring them to life. For this story I think I got it right.

10. I’m not at all interested in Martin. He’s much younger, possibly around the same age Royce was when he met Lana. He serves his purpose at the end as a sounding board for old Royce, but as for who he is and why Royce is telling him about Lana, I simply don’t care. It’s no accident that I gave him, and Parker too, names where it would not be clear if this was a first name or a last name.

11. Lana is absolutely my favorite character. I wish I could have had a neighbor like her back when I was young. If I had, I think I would have turned down the promotion. So what happened to Lana? I think Royce was right. She had learned what she wanted out of life and it made her life complete. The reason I’m convinced Royce was right is because I just love Lana and I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.

12. And so the story is complete. I started with Royce. I gave him hang-ups to overcome. And I was pulling for him all the way. He was certainly fortunate to find a teacher like Lana living around the corner. And lucky to get such a good job. But as someone once observed writers of fiction have the kind of power over fate that once was attributed to witches and warlocks.