[First Time] The funniest things...

[Duran Duran]

Originally Posted by GRITS

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BUT the problem was, (believe it or not, it was a problem), ALL she wanted 24/7 was sex sex sex and more sex...
At first I thought it was humorous, but it turned out to be burdenous

I hear ya. My experience was a little different, but along the same lines - an ex was addicted to my old fella. She'd constantly want to play with it, touch it, stare at it, suck it, pull it, slap it against her or my body etc. All of this made her extremely amused. She literally saw it as her plaything. I'm not joking. It was hilarious until it wasn't.

She'd often thrust her hand down my pants on crowded trains and hold on to it and then just smile and look into my eyes. Of course if we went to the cinema her hand was on it for the vast majority of the flick. If we played video games, she give up immediately and say she had a better game to play and that was to suck me off until I came while I played the game. A few times she wanted to see how long I could keep it inside her hard (without moving).

Probably the most out there thing she did was she rubbed my todger on her face before leaving my place to go home on the train. Obviously wanted my smell on her. That happened a couple of times. I'd now put it down to pheromones and mine absolutely kicking her into overdrive.

Luckily this all happened when i was young so the old fella was pretty spritely, but like you, it just got tiring. You can have too much of a good thing! Yeah, she had the crazy eyes.

[Slap Happy]

When my wife and I were dating she lived in a basement suite of a house. On the main floor above her was a handi-capped man. He was lower functioning, IQ’ wise. One night I am at my girlfriends watching some TV. From above you hear a that sound starts up. Easily recognized the rhythm of some one doing a decent job on a noisy bed. Girlfriend says there’s that noise again, I wish he would stop. As she starts banging on her ceiling with a broom stick she says “what the hell is he doing up there?” I looked at her incredulously and asked “what do you think they’re doing up there?” Then it struck her - it never dawned on her that lower functioning people have sex too! She was SOOOO embarrassed.
Gotta give the guy credit- sounded like he was trying to walk the bed across the floor he was pounding her so good.

[delt]

The love of my long life had no experience when started dating and soon she was quite comfortable being naked in my car in the dark. We regularly played around with me feeling her all. One night I told her it was normal for making out to be a joy for both of us. We discussed fucking but it was too soon for he. She had touched me before but made no action to make me cum. I suggested a blow job and to my glee she said sure since I was diving on her regularly.
I quickly learned SHE HAD THE SHARPEST TEETH ON THE PLANET! A lesson learned: make sure she understands before she enthusiastically jumps on.

[Barmixer]

The first time I fucked my girlfriend she told me - "if you want that thing in me you have to do it yourself - i'm not touching it ". She hoped I would not like it - afterwards I asked if she had cum and she said "was I supposed to?

[ukgoldfish]

This is one I especially like because it was told to me by wife about a time with one of her ex bfs (but that’s just my strange kinks)!

She was on holiday in greece with her Bf at the time when she was 21ish - by her own telling it was a holiday with a lot of sex.

She and her bf had come back to their apartment after night out and being in a frisky mood he’d bent her over the breakfast bar for a quick fuck from behind. He was stroking in and out of her while she had her dress up and her knickers round her ankles when all of a sudden their apartment door was flung open and a security guard and the hotel manager rushed in.

There had been a burglary in a room in the hotel earlier that evening but they’d not caught the burglars. Their next door neighbour had woken to noise at 3am in the apartment next to them and in a panic had phoned security!

Beth describes brilliantly the moment the door flung open and she was face to face with the manager while her bf was mid stroke!

Apologies all round from the hotel and a bottle of wine and flowers were sent to their room next day and by all accounts it didn’t put them off having plenty of sex for the rest of the week!

[Gnome72141]

Originally Posted by BlackBunny

I don't mind teeth so much, bit if she starts biting...

I love when my wife uses teeth. She doesn't believe me, so she doesn't do it very often.

[1michael]

This happened when we were out visiting family that lives just outside of Las Vegas. My wife and my female cousin were riding around town just looking at the sites, they also had 2 of my guy cousins in the car with them too.
It got to a point where my female cousin pointed out to a BAR, that is known for having plenty of Topless or Nude strippers there! The name of this place is Cheetah's and that is also my female cousins nickname, so she got the idea of stopping there to see if she could purchase a shirt / t-shirt from it with the Name on it!
The guys weren't old enough to go into the BAR, but my cousin talked my wife into going in with her just as a family backup!
Inside the BAR they said All the women working there had on great looking t-shirts with the BAR name on it, so they asked the Bar tender! The Bar tender said he didn't know if they sold any shirts, so he called the manager.
The manager asked my wife & cousin to follow him to his office, inside there he asked both of them if they were looking for a job and they said NO just that my cousin wanted to buy a t-shirt.
He showed them boxes of shirts he had around the office floor in different sizes, but that he doesn't sell them!
The girls working there get them for FREE, but he'll make a deal with my wife & cousin!
He told them they'll have to remove everything their wearing on TOP, then have him take a pic of them wearing the shirts out the door! Then he'll give them the shirts for FREE! My wife said she didn't want a shirt, but he said it'll have to be both of them or nothing! My cousin talked my wife into doing it just so she can get the shirt that she wanted! I was told the manager took a pic of both of them Topless, then wearing the Cheetah t-shirt as they walk towards the door. When they got to the car, the cousin guys in the car were confused!
The reason was seeing my wife and female cousin wearing the t-shirts with their tits flapping around underneath, while they both carried their BRA's in their hands! lol
It was a exciting moment when they explained the entire deal to everybody in the family lol~


I'm wondering if their pics are Posted somewhere in the BAR, maybe as former Dancers? lol

[Potteruk]

Originally Posted by ukgoldfish

This is one I especially like because it was told to me by wife about a time with one of her ex bfs (but that’s just my strange kinks)!

She was on holiday in greece with her Bf at the time when she was 21ish - by her own telling it was a holiday with a lot of sex.

She and her bf had come back to their apartment after night out and being in a frisky mood he’d bent her over the breakfast bar for a quick fuck from behind. He was stroking in and out of her while she had her dress up and her knickers round her ankles when all of a sudden their apartment door was flung open and a security guard and the hotel manager rushed in.

There had been a burglary in a room in the hotel earlier that evening but they’d not caught the burglars. Their next door neighbour had woken to noise at 3am in the apartment next to them and in a panic had phoned security!

Beth describes brilliantly the moment the door flung open and she was face to face with the manager while her bf was mid stroke!

Apologies all round from the hotel and a bottle of wine and flowers were sent to their room next day and by all accounts it didn’t put them off having plenty of sex for the rest of the week!

Fab story. Thanks. Was it Beths sex noises that woke the neighbour?
Please add a bit more detail if you'd like, about how 'Beth describes brilliantly the moment the door flung open'..... ( at least she had her dress still on so they perhaps didnt see her naked) but what did they do ?
Thanks

[4cali]

When my wife and I first started dating in our mid 20s I invited her on an annual rafting trip with some friends. We’d been going for a few years and this was her first time meeting this particular group. It was a blast. Rafting during the day then having a bonfire at night at the cabin we rented. The last night during the fire she and I went to the cabin to grab drinks and I got a little handsy. Feeling her ass in the kitchen and she got horny and we decided to hit the bedroom for a quickie. I had her on all fours fucking from behind which is when she’s always the loudest. We were drunk and alone so she wasn’t trying to be quiet. She climaxed and then I came too. We cleaned up and when we exited the room it was to a round of applause. Apparently they had all seen the silhouette of us fucking from outside then came in to hear the sounds of orgasms. My wife blushed but quickly got over it. She’s not particularly shy.

[Potteruk]

Originally Posted by BlackBunny

Yesterday, Amelia got out of bed around 8am.
She doesn't have net curtains, but nice thick velvet ones, so she doesn't see the need for "extras" as she puts it.

We're on the ground floor.

Completely naked, she threw the bedroom curtains open, giving a couple of local schoolboys on their bicycles, outside, a perfect view of her tits.

It wasn't an intentional flash. She knows the boys' parents too.

That sight is going to be burned into those young lads' "wank banks" for the rest of their days.

...and I wonder if they will be regularly cycling past each morning now at around the same time? Lol