This weird woman is harassing me!

[brunettesrule]

It sounds like you and your husband have not gone to counseling by a professional. I get your husband's sense of betrayal but it is abusive in the extreme for him to constantly hold it over your head like this. Especially, if this was the only time you cheated, you expressed remorse, and you have made a good-faith effort to demonstrate that you will not do it again.

I think that not only would you need joint counseling, but he would need a separate counselor to just help him deal with this in general.

As to the AA meetings, I don't care whether it's a one-party or two-party state for recording purposes, you should go ahead and surreptitiously record these conversations. At the very least, you could play them back for your husband so that he could see why you cannot attend these particular meetings any more. If he doesn't understand THAT, then I don't see at all why you are still married to him -- and I would definitely understand why you had an affair in the first place.

[Loretta 1976]

Originally Posted by brunettesrule

It sounds like you and your husband have not gone to counseling by a professional. I get your husband's sense of betrayal but it is abusive in the extreme for him to constantly hold it over your head like this. Especially, if this was the only time you cheated, you expressed remorse, and you have made a good-faith effort to demonstrate that you will not do it again.

I think that not only would you need joint counseling, but he would need a separate counselor to just help him deal with this in general.

As to the AA meetings, I don't care whether it's a one-party or two-party state for recording purposes, you should go ahead and surreptitiously record these conversations. At the very least, you could play them back for your husband so that he could see why you cannot attend these particular meetings any more. If he doesn't understand THAT, then I don't see at all why you are still married to him -- and I would definitely understand why you had an affair in the first place.

I love my husband so much but feel like he is slipping further away from me everyday. I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. He resents me because i had an affair.

Because he is always moody he blames me for my affair and says I'm a 'b*tch'. 5 years ago I cheated. I have never cheated before. My husband and I struggled with communication. We had sex like once every 2 months for years. I felt like my life was passing me by. The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me atleast. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again.He is soooo angry still,I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

I can't talk to my husband about this situation with this ugly ginger midget groper woman. I feel like my husband moods tend to make the whole atmosphere change to his mood. I feel if he's in a bad mood I have to tip toe around him and worry my daughter is going to wind him up and cause him to be worse ( he has never physically harmed us), but I do feel like I live on egg shells. If I have ever been funny with him he makes me say sorry (in a slightly over the top belittling way).

I feel so nervous that even if nothing wrong but he ask me a question for example "Do you love me?" or something similar. He even tends to hold my hand or stay close when he's asking questions like this. My husband is always angry, he complains constantly, and makes me feel as though anything I do is inadequate. When he gets upset with me, he leaves the house. Not just for a few minutes, or to walk around, but for several hours. It upsets me like you wouldn't believe! The whole time I'm worried that something happened to him & worried if he'll come home. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I don't fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants.

Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something.


Most of other women AA members think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob. I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I work for a good company. I am good and competent at my job. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my AA all female group), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood.

I don’t feel like i can complain about this situation with this touchy feely awful ginger short skinny woman to my husband, as he will say it is all my fault. I have been conditioned to think everything is my fault by my husband and to let him walk all over me, so i might be doing it for every outward situation. The only reason i still attend meetings at the same AA all female group is my husband doesn’t want me round other guys and i can’t tell him about this problem because he will say it’s my fault? Also this woman chair person is respected and well liked in the AA community on a regional level. She does have power over me. She can muck things up for me with my probation officer.

[Loretta 1976]

Originally Posted by dudexxx

You've made your bed, now lie in it

What do you mean? Do you think that everything is my fault? Please be brutally honest?

[brunettesrule]

You are with a deeply flawed guy. For the life of me, I don't see what you find appealing in him - either before or especially now. I find it hard to believe that the discovery of this affair was the beginning of his toxic and controlling behavior. You should take a look at a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. While it is ostensibly about how to recognized dangerous situations and protect yourself, it also covers how to recognize toxic and dangerous behavior by partners/spouses. You have a good job and seemingly do not depend on your husband for financial support. You should begin to consider how you can cut yourself loose from him.

[Everard]

The more I read this, the more convinced I am it belongs in the fiction section.

[xxxxenophile]

Originally Posted by H_P

I would find this a lot easier to believe with a picture showing some serious cleavage in a “silk/satin” outfit with a hand written note for OCC with the date on it. The picture should show quite a bit of skin so that we can see that color that you are telling us about.

Dammit, sir, I like the way you think! You cut right to the heart of the issue...

[xxxxenophile]

Originally Posted by Loretta 1976

Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something.

Assuming that this is in fact non-fiction, it sounds like you are trapped by fear in your life; about this woman, your husband, and most any issue. You're staying in an untenable, unacceptable present because you are afraid of the future - no matter what happens, you will survive it, and only by going through some difficult next step(s) will you be able to change your circumstances. Without telling your hubby or recording the AA session or slapping your gropist or doing SOMETHING that feels drastic to you (but is what any of the rest of us would do) you won't get out of this endless loop of a prison.

I don't know what to think about the drinking and DUIs - something sounds fishy there, too. But it's not important to the story about letting yourself be groped or identified as the chicken on the bottom of the pecking order. Somehow you signal to other people that you're a doormat, and they're acting on it, including your husband who is abusive in his moods and threats and attitude.

I vote with H_P who says send us a "proof of life" pic. As a tall curvy mixed-race milf, we'll be kind, I promise you! But this reads like a humiliation fap-story...

[Loretta 1976]

Originally Posted by brunettesrule

You are with a deeply flawed guy. For the life of me, I don't see what you find appealing in him - either before or especially now. I find it hard to believe that the discovery of this affair was the beginning of his toxic and controlling behavior. You should take a look at a book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. While it is ostensibly about how to recognized dangerous situations and protect yourself, it also covers how to recognize toxic and dangerous behavior by partners/spouses. You have a good job and seemingly do not depend on your husband for financial support. You should begin to consider how you can cut yourself loose from him.

I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been torturing me mentally.
He calls me a home wrecker. I just want a happily married life. I don't want anything from him except for him to be sensible.
Everything that goes wrong is now my fault. I have been married for 16 years and we have had a pretty rough marriage,lots of different problems that were not easy at all for me. My husband says"fuck you" to me. He has said this to me many times when he is frustrated with me or when we are in an argument. Each time I tell him that it is wrong to say that, it hurts me, and that I never swear at him. It hurts me so much that most times I cry myself to sleep. He very rarely apologizes for saying it. He's also demeaning and demanding, and has deliberately forgot important dates (birthday, anniversary, valentines day). The problem that I have is that I feel that I can not communicate with him about anything without him getting defensive or mad at me. He doesn't speak to anyone else this way.
Of course, if I agree with him about everything and just do everything that he asks then he's happy and everything is ok.

[xxxxenophile]

Originally Posted by Loretta 1976

I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been torturing me mentally.

He won't. I'm sorry, but he won't. You've described a deeply insensitive man, who is keeping you down to keep you in his life - he is insecure and fears you'll leave, but he's making that happen by treating you this way. For your own mental health, and that of any children living with you (I can't remember if you have any), you need to leave him. After the shock sets in when you do, he'll say that he'll change, but it's a lie and a desperate attempt to hold onto you. At the very best, he'll be a better person for his next victim, er, partner.

The relationship you describe won't get fixed by therapy or his decision to change. He doesn't want to.

Then slap the groping little midget at the AA meeting!

Seriously - the stories you are telling are fucked up, and you shouldn't accept this kind of treatment.

If you're real No pic yet!

[Onestopfuckshop]

Nice tits..if thats you