I love you, funny face!

[Fox Mulder]

FOX MULDER REPORTS: THE TRUTH WAS OUT THERE. HERE'S NEW DETAILS ABOUT STEPHANIE, THE DARK EYED REDHEAD!

1. There he is. Her hubby and photographer. He's mocking us wife coveters with that damned T-shirt. No. WE don't have MILF. He does. We should send him a new shirt that reads: ONE LUCKY BASTARD.
2. Is it true that Stephanie's husband a cross dresser? I can't say for sure...but here he is wearing a LOT of lipstick! LUCKY BASTARD!
3. There's a rumor they've never slept together. I hear Stephanie still has her cherry. Hmmmm.
4. This appears to be the most hardcore photo they've ever posed for...not. Actually she slipped and fell in those sandals. He's helping her up.
5. This is the only known picture of Stephanie showing her pussy...and it took a whole bottle of Captain Morgan for her to work up the nerve!
6. Stephanie is like a goddess to some of her fans. Her grace and dig-nity will not be questioned here.
7. What? Even a goddess has to pee!
8. Relax, wankers! She's just trying to work a piece of broccoli out of a molar. OK...she got it! Sheesh! You guys and your dirty imaginations!
9. I'd like Christmas a hell of a lot more if this was the scene I woke up to every Christmas morning!
10. Stephanie loves Star Wars. Do you remember when Jabba The Hut made R2-D2 serve drinks in Return Of The Jedi? That little droid's got nuthin' on this babe! Jabba would put a bounty on this booty. Wanna see her in Princess Leia's slave girl bikini? Check out the Star Wars thread here at OCC.

IN CONCLUSION...I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE DARK EYED REDHEAD...EXCEPT THAN THAT SHE'S LOVED AND LUSTED AFTER AS MUCH OR MORE THAN ANY WOMAN EVER SEEN ON THIS WEBSITE.

[Fox Mulder]

Nonnymaus is trying to masturbate. The walls are thin in her apartment and so is the ceiling. Her upstairs neighbor's taste in music makes rubbing one off a titanic struggle.

1. Collage one. First panel: she's just starting to feel good. Second panel: Suddenly she hears through the ceiling, Bette Midler singing: "From a Distance" in particular, Nonny loses the mood with the chorus: "God is watching us...God is watching us...God is watching uuus...froooom a distance."

2. Collage two. Nonnymaus tries again...but Paul McCartney at full volume repeating: "Simply...haaave a...wonderful Christmas time" over and over again is giving her a major fucking headache.

3. Collage three. She never even really puts her finger on the button. Who can blame her? "Honkeytonk Ba-donk-a-donk" has got to be one of the worst songs ever recorded!

4. Collage four. First panel: she's like that X Wing pilot making a run on the Death Star: "...almost there...al..mooost there..." Second panel: Mmmm She's just getting happy. Third panel: "Havin' my ba-by...what a love-a-lee way of sayin' how much you love me" (That song will kill anyone's horny urges!) Fourth Panel: "Fuck you, Fox Mulder!"

[Fox Mulder]

1. Just in time for the NFL playoffs... after a few years off and that controversial surgery in Copenhagen... tanned, rested and ready...BRET FAVRE is back with the Pack!!
2. Touchdown? Nah...she's just so happy her breasts are ample enough to be considered bra breakers.
3. Tired of bullies kicking sand in your face at the beach? Charles Atlas recommends a new AK-47 assault rifle. (America has really changed...)
4. "COLLEGE" Yup...this is about how I remember it!
5. Gina failed her audition for the role of "Supergirl" but she vows to continue her acting career.
6. Well, you finally gave your wife what she really wanted for Christmas...and you got to watch for hours as the joy spread all over her face...(along with, in the end, Darnel's hot and plentiful semen) Wasn't this holiday season simply magical?
7. "Excuse me...did you just lose this?" ( I think we all did )

[Fox Mulder]

1. Idiot! You were just about to get the blowjob of your life...but you just had to make a comment about how hot her little sister is!
2. How Prudence and Chastity discovered that Sindee, their college dorm roommate, was a nymphomaniac.
3. Make the mistake of falling asleep around Mike and Dave and you're likely to get The Dicks Out Dance.
4. Some people are a little more interesting to go camping with than others.
5. Don't you think she makes for a more convincing frog than Kermit?
6. Medical experts agree...when the summer temperatures rise, you need a cold drink and a hot pussy.
7. "Lover? Before you return to your room in your mom's basement, could you please do your Jar Jar Binks imitation for me just one more time?"
( Fanboy's have funny dreams)
8. Is it just me? Or do you think she kinda likes you. (It's probably just me)
9. This is what happens when you read the uncensored version of "Jonathan Livingston Seagull." (Someone get her a towel)
10. Bambi, (who works down at the comic shop) is a saint. She considers it her duty to give all Fanboys an opportunity to say they've at least SEEN real women's breasts. ( If you can do a good Jar Jar Binks imitation she'll let you touch them!)

[Fox Mulder]

1. "I swear, Donna! It was a flying saucer with little green men...and it landed right over there! They said they're here to take all our unmated females! We have to look like a couple to save you! Quick, blow me!" ( Nick is imaginative, but largely unsucessful with ladies)

3. "I'm going to feed you to 'The Creature From The Black Lagoon' if you don't blow me!" (Nick's little brother is much more aggressive. He's also an idiot. These women know their movies. They know they're actually at The Blue Lagoon)
4. If you're lonely on a Friday night, you can always hang around the house with your ass in the air like a cat in heat, but that'll do you no good if you live alone.
5. Trump's new energy policy involves more titilating ways to mine fossil fuels.
6. Pussy juice and semen is actually very bad for the felt on pool tables. It's expensive to replace. If you own the table, fuck her on the floor.
7. No! Wait! Don't do it! The thread's not that bad...is it?

[Fox Mulder]

1 On Saturday night, all masturbating blonds can ride the metro bus system free of charge. ( By order of the Paternal Transit Authority)
2. You sir, apparently will be "going down."
3. When it comes to taking facials, no one can hold a candle to Veronica. Uh...wait a minute. Hmmm. It looks like someone can!

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Yeah...I'm walking around topless in my panties. Put it back in your pants and get over it, Pervo!" (The women of I Love You Funny Face get kinda pissy this time of year)
2. "POLICE! YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME! I'M SURROUNDED BY VISCIOUS FERAL DOGS!" ( They're also prone to exaggeration)
3. "Hey buddy! Do you think I need a boob job?" ( Insecurity coupled with no sense of public shame)
4. Isn't it sweet that Boris Karloff's grandkids keep their granddad's picture above the fireplace?
5. THE LEAST of the trauma in the aftermath of THIS little fiasco is that my son no longer believes in Santa Claus. Single Dads: Always make sure the kids are asleep before you invite your lover over for a Christmas Eve quickee!
6. This is Julie, the insatiable nymphomaniac football groupie. SHE is the reason the Buffalo Bills lost those consecutive Super Bowls.
7. "Honey, feel free to check out all those travel brochures...but I can clearly see EXACTLY where I want to go!" ( It's warm there too!)
8. "OK...I've thought it over. I pick YOU to come over here and lick my hot little pussy!" ( It's a nice winter fantasy, Wankers. Just go with it)
9. This was the only way we could keep her from making her mother's awful tuna loaf recipe on New Year's Day. (Some traditions deserve to die)
10. "You sir, are a ruthless rapscallion and a deceitful scoundrel! I fling my panties in your general direction in abject disgust! For all of your shameless philandering and callous thoughtlessness, I condemn you to an evening of solitary slumber upon the dangerously narrow and wholly uncomfortable couch!" (Drama Queen)

[Fox Mulder]

Do you remember the 70s? It was a time when women actually grew on trees and every one of them was more than happy to give you head. You just had to walk up and find an open mouth! You younger guys look skeptical. If you don't believe me, go ask your dads.

[Fox Mulder]

I NOW HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO PUT CAPTIONS DIRECTLY ON THE PICTURES. IT'S ACTUALLY EASIER AND MAY RESULT IN BETTER JOKES AS I WON'T HAVE TO INVENT CAPTIONS ON THE FLY. DO PEOPLE PREFER THIS? IF YOU DO, JUST HIT THE "THANKS" BUTTON. IF YOU DON'T, COMMENT HERE OR PM ME. THANKS!

Mulder

[Fox Mulder]

Your parents, grandparents and even dead people all used to do funny stuff.