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  #1  
Old 05-17-2019, 04:35 PM
MFN MFN is offline
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Default Funny, amazing, bizarre, or ridiculous situations while nude

Let’s start a collection of funny, amazing, bizarre, or ridiculous situations we’ve seen or experienced at clothing-optional beaches or resorts. Anything humorous or weird, as long as it involves nudity.

I’ll start…

Nowadays at Haulover Beach the nudist part is marked off from the textile part with a low fence running from the water up to the dunes, but years ago there was just a rope suspended on a line of short poles. That’s when I noticed a large family spread out on both sides of the rope, half on one side (all nude), the rest (all in bathing suits) on the other side, all sitting there happily chatting and passing sandwiches and drinks back and forth across the rope. Go figure!

At a nudist resort we were visiting in Palm Springs, folks were lounging round the pool one evening, when one very elegantly made-up woman (jewelry, hair done up, nails painted, high heels,) strode past us but then stopped to say she was getting ready to go out with her husband and that she had a nice dress to put on just before time to leave. But for now, indicating the small handbag slung by a thin strap over her shoulder, she wanted to know if we liked her “gownless evening-strap”.

We were at a nudist resort in Florida, and after spending the afternoon around the pool we decided to go check out the gift shop. After picking out a dress my wife took it to the counter and asked the saleslady where she could find the dressing room to try it on. Now, consider the situation: this is a nudist resort, and the only clothes anywhere in the shop are on the racks and hangers, and everyone is nude. Changing room?

My wife was showing some garden contractors around the back yard and accidentally tripped over backwards over a bench, resulting in her legs sticking straight up and spread wide. She was wearing a short skirt with no knickers. The contractors helped her back to her feet, but not before congratulating her on her beautiful bush (planting bushes was what they were there for in the first place!)

Please share your own crazy stories…I’m sure there are a lot of good laughs out there!
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  #2  
Old 05-23-2019, 11:14 AM
Duran Duran Duran Duran is offline
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This story is quite mild.

Before I got married, I had a FWB that I guess you could describe as slightly out there, funny and a very decent person.

We'd hook up probably every 2 months or so. It was always the same. She's come over, we'd talk about sex, chat about her sex life then watch porn or partake in something sexual in nature (sex quiz, what ifs etc.)

One of the things I used to tell my FWBs was that once they came into my place, it was customary to get your kit off. They'd laugh and be shy about it the first few times, but then they'd come around. Not all of them. Some wouldn't do it and they'd just laugh and I'd leave it at that. But this lass was definitely the best in regards to this and I'd never need to prompt her or ask.

So she'd come in, get straight into the shower and then come out naked and stay that way. She'd tell me if she'd put on weight or lost weight and also if her boobs felt bigger or smaller. She had a very typical Japanese woman's body with B cup breasts and was probably around 161cms tall.

She would tell me that coming to my place (i'd made it look quite nice) was extremely relaxing and she enjoyed being able to come over and get naked and stay that way. I guess it relieved stress for her!

She was fascinated with Japanese porn and we'd watch it together. I'd sit on my chair with her either giving me a BJ, touching me or me inside her. Whenever she'd make a comment, which was all the time, she'd stop the sex act. She would often compare her body to the performers.

The actual sex was unremarkable, but I really enjoyed the fact that she was having fun getting naked and enjoying herself as her job was really shitty.
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Old 05-23-2019, 05:08 PM
piecenick piecenick is offline
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A friend of mine's GF, Claire, lived in the apartment next to me, she was a ER nurse and very pretty. She complained that my friend refused to have real sex with her, he was a junior in law school and was scared to death that she would get pregnant. I thought he was crazy, condoms and BC are reliable, I guessed that there was some other reason.

A hurricane glanced our area, it knocked out power and put trees down, so a lot of road were closed, they asked everyone to stay off the streets until they could be cleared. They estimated that the power would be out for 2-3 days. I had filled a couple of ice chests with ice and beer before the storm, just in case.

I saw Claire outside, with no AC all the doors and windows were open, so she came over to have a cold beer. With the heat she was dressed in minimal clothing, no bra, shorts and a crop top, she said the hospital told her not to try to come in, so she had a few days off.

I shared some of my ice with neighbors and BBQ's were breaking out, better to cook the food than to let it spoil. Claire and I hung out until late, I had managed to hook up a fan to a car battery so my apartment was a little more bearable. I told Claire that if we wet a sheet and got naked under it, we could stay cool with the fan blowing.

Nancy, as I have noticed about a lot of nurses, had zero shyness, she and I wet the sheet and stripped. In the one candle we had for light, her body was astounding. Of course I got a huge boner and Claire didn't let it go to waste.

I was almost sad when the power came on and the road opened. Claire got tired of my buddy and moved back to Montreal.
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  #4  
Old 06-12-2019, 03:42 PM
MFN MFN is offline
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Default Watch out for those Naturist Beaches!

Upon arrival at Gatwick Airport, London, I was taking a train to Birmingham, my destination for a two-week business trip at the University there. On the train, I was idly thumbing through the train company’s hospitality magazine found at every seat, and came upon the following:

WARNING TO RAIL PATRONS
England offers many recreational diversions in the summertime, however for your protection British Rail provide this warning: Patrons arriving on any train into Bournemouth Station (BMH) and planning to travel further to the south using the Number 50 bus (tickets may be purchased on the bus) are cautioned against leaving the bus at the established stop soon after the bus has left the ferry from Sandbanks. Leaving the bus at that location (either the 1st or 2nd stop after the short ferry ride) and walking to the southeast will cause you to arrive at the Studland Naturist Beach. Bus 50 departs Bournemouth Station or Bournemouth Square (a short walk from the Station) at frequent intervals throughout the day, and northbound trips from Swanage to BMH are available through late evening, allowing time to meet the return train. The last trains of the day leave at 20:22, with later trains at the weekend. For those rail patrons who do find themselves at the warned-of location, signs declaring the Naturist Area are posted. British Rail take pride in executing its responsibility to warn patrons against inadvertently arriving at certain noted locations.
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  #5  
Old 06-15-2019, 02:37 PM
Dongster Dongster is offline
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When I was 26 I met a girl (don't know her name anymore) at a new years eve party. I wasn't excactly the guy who had loads of women glued to his ass, so I was over the moon when she invited me in her place for the night.
We had some great sex that night. And when we woke up around 11am on new years day, we started a new round of sex. She was on top, riding my cock when her parents came into the bedroom. They wanted to bring their daughter a new years greeting or so. The girl however just kept sitting on my cock while her parents stood beside the bed. Hugging her and wishing her all the best for the new year. They both shook my hand while I was laying on my back with my cock up in their daughter...
They chatted along for another minute or so before leaving us. Saying "have fun you two. We'll see you downstairs"
We did finish our fucking. But I didn't stay very long afterwards.
It was and probably will remain the most bizarre sex experience I've ever had
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  #6  
Old 06-17-2019, 08:15 AM
Gnome72141 Gnome72141 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dongster View Post
When I was 26 I met a girl (don't know her name anymore) at a new years eve party. I wasn't excactly the guy who had loads of women glued to his ass, so I was over the moon when she invited me in her place for the night.
We had some great sex that night. And when we woke up around 11am on new years day, we started a new round of sex. She was on top, riding my cock when her parents came into the bedroom. They wanted to bring their daughter a new years greeting or so. The girl however just kept sitting on my cock while her parents stood beside the bed. Hugging her and wishing her all the best for the new year. They both shook my hand while I was laying on my back with my cock up in their daughter...
They chatted along for another minute or so before leaving us. Saying "have fun you two. We'll see you downstairs"
We did finish our fucking. But I didn't stay very long afterwards.
It was and probably will remain the most bizarre sex experience I've ever had
Hahaha, given the situations my wife and I have been in with her parents around or near-by, this wouldn't seem strange to us at all. (I assume it isn't terribly strange in general, but people never talk about it.) Super hilarious, for sure!
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  #7  
Old 06-24-2019, 11:45 AM
zoomie9 zoomie9 is offline
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Default Your own (enviable) category

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gnome72141 View Post
Hahaha, given the situations my wife and I have been in with her parents around or near-by, this wouldn't seem strange to us at all. (I assume it isn't terribly strange in general, but people never talk about it.) Super hilarious, for sure!
Gnome, maybe it is just me, but I would guess you are in your own enviable category. I am sure there are others, but damn, dude, your stories are jaw droppers for me and I will confess I have read some of them multiple times. But, perhaps I have lived under a rock.
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  #8  
Old 06-24-2019, 03:30 PM
ripstar1 ripstar1 is offline
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Default Senior Citizen Skinny Dip

I'd had this client for years that we had a personal friendship also. He helped me get my feet on the floor with my business. I hadn't seen him or his wife in a couple years. I was coming to the town where they had a summer home. They invited me for dinner and to stay the night.

When I got there he showed me around as this was the first time I had been to this house of theirs. When he showed me the pool he made an off-handed comment that it was private enough that they didn't wear bathing suits. BTW this couple were in their mid-70s and very wealthy.

After dinner they suggested an after dinner drink and swim. Hmm I wondered what the "dress code" was given his earlier comment. I found out before I even went to my room as she walked out with a towel wrapped around her that I could see her bare ass. from behind.

I went to my room, stripped and wrapped a towel around me and went back to the pool area. As I got out there she dropped her towel and I did immediately after. He soon walked out nude. He said, "I guess we are all comfortable nude together." We swam around and enjoyed our cocktails.

Soon there was a knock at the patio screen door. He got out of the pool and in came two couples that he greeted. I was introduced and a comment was made that it must be a clothing optional night. Soon these two couples were nude in the pool cocktails in hand. Over the next half hour a few more couples and singles arrived. All at least 70 years old.

No, they weren't swingers, but were very "friendly" and open sexually. We all had a great time with me getting to know everyone. Keep in mind here I am early 40s hanging out nude with a group 30 years or more older than me in the nude. We had a great time. I was "warned" by my friend to expect a couple "friendly women".

Sure enough chatting in the pool after dark I was being felt up under water by a couple of the women. One gal whispered to me that they weren't used to having a "young cock" partying with the group. I went along with it all enjoying feeling these old pussies and tits in the pool.

I got out of the pool for a bit and sat at a table sipping my drink. This one gal sits next to me and proceeds to stroke me and invites another gal to come "se how this one feels". I'm now between the two - both feeling my now hard cock and have one hand in a pussy and the other massaging tits.

More swimming, more cocktails but no sex going on just a lot of touchy-feely. As the evening wound down the crowd thinned out. One gal as she left took a hold of my cock and said, "Next time I want some of this.". Later after everyone left the couple and I sat around with coffee. He told me he thought I would be okay with what went on with his neighbors. I smiled and responded that was an interesting crowd.
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  #9  
Old 06-24-2019, 11:07 PM
gq_devil gq_devil is offline
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Default The Bug

My wife hates bugs. Any kind of bug. She will typically yells my name or that of our kids to come and capture or kill any bugs that she sees. So a few weeks back while we were having company over a bug decided to show up.

My wife and I had over a few friends for a small gathering at our apartment. It's a typical 2 bathroom setup with one bathroom being for the guest and the kids. We had all be drinking a bit and were now settled down to watch some tv in the main room. After a few minutes into the show and while still taking a few drinks my wife says she has to use the rest room but instead of walking the distance into our master bathroom she decided to go into the guest bathroom a few feet away. The layout of the house has this bathroom centered in the hallway sandwiched between the living room and the dining room.

I'm not sure how much time passed. Maybe just a few seconds before we all heard yell, a loud crashing of items and more yelling. The door to the bathroom is swung open to the point where it flexed the hinges and my wife runs out yelling and shaking her hands like a kid having a tantrum. Her panties and her skirt are down at her ankles and she's yelling something incoherently. To make matter even more interesting she was still peeing. It was dripping down her legs onto her panties, skirt and the floor of the hallway.

Our guest all just looked at her as she finally caught her breath and yelled "There's a big ass bug in the bathroom and it landed on my shoulder while I was pissing. Come and this this shit out of here NOW!" She was still bottomless while barking out her demands, he panties and skirt were damp with piss and a trail of piss went from the toilet to were she stood in the middle of the hall. Luckily for her she had just gotten legs and pussy of her 6ft frame waxed earlier that week

I and others couldn't do anything else but laugh before I went into the bathroom and found a flying beetle on the sink. She in the meantime stepped out of the panties and skirt and went into the master bedroom, washed up and changed before returning to the room. I was left to towel up her little mess.

When the guest left and we were alone and laughing at the situation, I was amazed at how all her modesty went out of the window. She said at that point in time she didn't give a care who saw what as long as that bug wasn't on her.
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  #10  
Old 06-24-2019, 11:43 PM
zoomie9 zoomie9 is offline
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Default That one time this happened on a nude beach

This is one where I still laugh at myself. My wife and I used to be regulars at "Polo Beach" on Oahu and spent a few hours there every Sunday for at least 2 years. Because this was an unofficial nude beach and not too crowded, nearly everyone there knew each other by name.

One day, we were sitting in our chairs and relaxing when a clothed blonde woman walked by us and began arranging her chair and other stuff probably 15 feet from us. I recognized her as I had seen her before but hadn't had a chance to introduce us for whatever reason.

So, as she was getting situated, I waited for her to put everything in place because I was going to say hi and introduce myself and my wife when she settled. Since I was waiting and she was somewhat between us and the ocean, I probably looked at her more than I normally would look at a nude woman at the nude beach.

When she placed her chair down, she was apparently trying to get sun and faced it directly at me which seemed odd because everyone else there was facing the ocean. Still, though, I didnt want to disturb her while she was occupied, so I didnt say anything, but continued to wait. She removed all her clothes and even though I had seen her before, she looked really good. She wasnt super thin, but just an athletic body with good curves.

As she sat down, I guess she was trying to tan her inner thighs and sat back in her chair with her legs fairly open. Since she was totally shaved, the view was simply very detailed, to say the least. This totally caught me off guard because I hadnt seen that on this beach at all to that point and plus, she was really hot. Suddenly, I realized that my dick was also aware what I was looking at and had decided to sit up and take notice. Simultaneous to this, I realize this woman is now giving me the death stare behind her sunglasses. Admittedly, I know I deserved that I had been subconsciously looking in her direction way too much, even though it was just in preparation to say hi.

Now, I have her eyes on me with a nearly fully erect dick, so I am not about to get out of my chair and say hi. Instead, I awkwardly shifted in my chair and looked elsewhere. In retrospect, I maybe could have said 'sorry for staring, but I was getting ready to say hi', but really was trapped because I feel she had to have noticed my lack of flacidity and figured it was probably better to just zip it. We sat there for another couple hours or so, but it was perhaps the most uncomfortable time I spent on that beach. I am sure she felt that I was just another perv. I still don't think I had a better option that day. I guess it is a good thing my wife was there, or I might have looked like a real creeper. I still laugh that misstep to this day.
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