April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

(look close at pic 1)

... when your friend's "fat arm" makes you look naked.

[osreb]

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget

[osreb]

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

[osreb]

How many out there had a teacher say to you...(pic 1)

[osreb]

In the picture below, (pic 1)we will analyze what it represents to some groups of people.

Read the review after the photo...




- For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as an ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.
- For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street.
- The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.
- The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty, and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.
- For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.
- The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.
- The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.
- Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi..

Don't be alarmed, I didn't see the dog either.

[osreb]

BAIL'EM OUT!!! ???? Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a wh*r* house and selling whiskey?!"

"What the Hell are we thinking?"

[osreb]

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

[osreb]

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend an hour and a half writing, then forget to take it with you to the store.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips: color to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar: coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park (park) v/n. Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and aslide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers. "

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

[Fango]

Originally Posted by osreb

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend an hour and a half writing, then forget to take it with you to the store.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips: color to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar: coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park (park) v/n. Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and aslide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers. "

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...8&d=1316391415

Gorgeous.

Thanks

Fango

[osreb]

New tape measure - A must for anyone in construction.

Stanley has just released a new tape measure that will surely take the industry by storm!!!

While at first look it seems like a regular tape measure, the finite measurement

capability is unmatched by any other tape measure ever made (See Below - pic 1 & 10).

So the next time your buddy tells you to "move it a c*nthair to the left or right"

you won't have to guess!

"At Stanley , we help you do things right."