April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we

make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this....I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
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My personal favorite
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted:

"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in

Germany . Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):

"Because you lost the bloody war!"
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JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.

BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.

WORLD MUSIC: A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.

OPERA: People singing when they should be talking.

RAP: People talking when they should be singing.

CLASSICAL: Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.

FOLK: Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.

BIG BAND: 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.

HEAVY METAL: Codpiece and chaps.

HOUSE MUSIC: OK as long as it's not the house next door.

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some humor pics to enjoy

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A company was lookingto hire someone for an important position
so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search
down to three Retired military people from different parts of the Country.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the
same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best
answer would get the job.

The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude.
The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and
the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back.
What is the man's name?

After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.

The first from the Air Force, says,
"My answer is, there is no answer."

The second, from the Marines, says,
"My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.

The third one, a Sailor says,
"I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names.
It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.

The Sailor got the job !

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New virus on the internet ASTC virus = Ass StuckToChair

The virus glues you to your chair for several hours! No housework will be done, children will starve and the dog will not get its walk. You're likely to lose all contact to the outside world. Its too late for me, SAVE YOURSELF!!!

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check out pic 1

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It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships.
But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem.
The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.
Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding / rolling from under the others.
The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey.
But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.
The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
And all this time, folks thought that was just a vulgar expression?

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TO MY FINANCIALLY FOCUSED FRIENDS

The Question of the Day is...


Will the Dollar fall or not?

Always remember.......................

The Key to Financial Survival is to be a Tight Ass!

***** WATERMARKED PRO PIC REMOVED *****

[osreb]

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the
Store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same
Six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to
The Nursing Home Administrator.

'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard Sale.'