April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[BlindOwl]

Originally Posted by Fango

One or two joke pics without women here or there are fine. But whole posts of them, no.

Thanks

Fango

Gottcha . . . .Thanks for the clarification

[osreb]

Sneeze

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

***** BURNING MAN PIC REMOVED *****
***** WATERMARKED PIC REMOVED *****

[Sharksen]

Originally Posted by Fango

One or two joke pics without women here or there are fine. But whole posts of them, no.

Thanks

Fango

Hope these follow the guidelines...
... there are women in the pictures!

[osreb]

1. "The cucumber has left the salad."

2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."

3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."

4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."

5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"

6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary."

8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons."

9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"

10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis."

[osreb]

Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"

But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.

"Well, err, if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration. Yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!"

"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"

[osreb]

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
Looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
Far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! Retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

[osreb]

Sam appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce from his wife, Anne.

The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," Sam says, "I live in a three-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a three-story house?"

Sam answers, "Well Judge, one story is, 'I have a headache,'
and the second story is, 'It's that time of the month,'
and the third story is, 'No, we'll wake the children.'"

[osreb]

Hear about the exibitionist?
He was going to retire but then he thought about it, and thought about it.
Thought about it some more and decided he would stick it out for one more year.

[osreb]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone. She approached him.

'My name is Carmen,' she told him.

'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'

'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- Cars and Men.'

'What's your name?' she asked.

With a smile he replied, 'B.J. Titsengolf'

[osreb]

These three old ladies and their dogs were
Sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation
when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies,
Stood Right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble,
Couldn't Reach that far.