Under The influence

[osreb]

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.

Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the bloody height of this flagpole, but we don't have a bloody ladder.'

The blonde took out an adjustable wrench from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.

She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches...

Then, she walked off.

Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We
need the bloody height and she gives us the bloody length.'

[tidaho]

Heres some more, hope no reposts

[tidaho]

Some more boozy babes

[osreb]

The Mustang Ranch and $750 billion bail-out
Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in
Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our
country and trillions of dollars to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't
make money running a wh*r* house and selling booze.

Now if that doesn't make you nervous, what does???

[butterman]

girls drinking

[butterman]

more drink and show

[osreb]

10. It’s Halloween, She Isn’t Wearing a Costume.
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Halloween party, but it’s literally like the girls were given numbers and those numbers corresponded a page number from the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Give it up, and go for the nurse who forgot to wear her lab coat.

9. You’re Dancing with Her, She’s Not Dancing with You
Easiest way to hook up with a girl is on the dance floor. But first you have to get her dancing. If you’re pulling out your leg kicks and spin moves and the only movement she’s making is when you forcibly move her hips, she’s not into it. Don’t worry though, she’d probably be really boring naked anyways.

8. You’re Drunk, She Isn’t
This one’s obvious. You’re having a conversation with a girl, trying to exude confidence and intelligence and self-worth. But the only thing you’re actually doing is slurring your speech and looking like a complete goofball. And it isn’t cute funny because she’s sober enough to realize you’re a drunk ****.

7. You're with Your Friends, Who Are Girls

Oh dude, girls totally love competing with other girls. Wrong; I don’t really think so. Girl friends will most likely be a b*tch to your target, trying to make it as hard as possible to succeed. Your potential hookup does not want to be ignored by a bunch of girls she doesn’t know, who probably aren’t even mildly attractive.

6. Every Time You Talk to Her, She Runs to Her Friends and Laughs
She isn’t laughing with you. Are you even laughing? She also isn’t giggling because you’re so dapper and handsome. Her and her friends are laughing because you’re a creep and they all know that you’re never going to get some.

5. The Night’s Winding Down, You’re in a Group Setting
The most difficult transition is from a relaxed group setting to a one-on-one setting. This is because you have to make your move in front of everyone and there’s no way to be discreet at all. You’re either going to freeze up when the time comes, or she’s going to feel extremely awkward being hit on in a group and deny you. You should’ve closed the deal when you were in a loud, noisy room.

4. She Keeps Telling You to Go Have Fun with Your Friends
Translation: Get the f*ck away from me. Nice girls are cute, but sometimes it’s just annoying how they won’t tell you the truth. Believe me, she is not going to be charmed by you saying, “No babe I want to spend time with you.” She does not want that. She might as well say: “Go do anything else as long as it doesn’t involve me in any way.” She could tell you to step in front of a bus or something. Politely say 'okay' and just go get drunk with your friends—this nice girl is not worth it.

3. Her Friends Are Visiting
Okay get real. Do you really think you’re going to pull this off? Do you think this girl invited her friends from God knows where just so they could see you hookup with her? No way. She’s not taking you home. Go for the friend instead. They were definitely thinking about strange men on the trip to your school.


2. You’re Hitting on Her via Text Message
We’ve all done it, and we’ve all failed. Nothing’s sexier than “Cme 2 my rm 2nite” right? How could a girl even stand after such a display of swagger? It’s cowardly; it’s embarrassing; and it does not work. Most likely she won’t respond, and you will have written proof that you suck until you delete your sent messages. Keep your game on a personal level.

1. She’s Sleeping
Please leave her alone. Don’t be that guy. Her eyes aren’t closed in ecstasy. She’s breathing heavily because she’s f*cking passed out. Go sleep somewhere else bud.

[butterman]

more happy girls

[butterman]

girls love to drink

[butterman]

more drinks