Sharing of the wife - Challenges

[nectcouple]

Amen to what Captaintrips said! Good luck, my friend.

[clitty]

Yep.. 12 days later of my train crash.

Going to Al Anon meetings have saved my sanity - I've gone almost daily - even when I wasn't planning to. Got the "wife" to an AA meeting, but she was supposed to do weekly.

Serious people, if you are living with an Alcoholic or you THINK you do - go to an Al Anon meeting. Even if your wife, husband, father, mother, son, daughter, etc.

It would have helped saved my marriage along with couples counseling, which I had suggest to the wife a few months before.

I'm torn between wanting her back (She says she doesn't want me) to getting many new fresh fish from the ocean.

I am NOT open to any serious relationship anyway. I'll keep my door open my wife if reconciliation is possible.
My trust in her has been destroyed. AA and counseling is required. But dammit it, I want to date her.

But she's about to be SUPER pissed at me really really soon.

[clitty]

Update:

I had filed papers for full custody and divorce on Jan 13th. She got served, and by chance of an error - I happened to be close enough to watch. It was done at work as she wasn't home. She wasn't pissed, she was very upset.

I had no more communications from her for almost a week. She posted something in public, I replied.

We talked a bit.
We talked a bit more. We said we didn't hate each other.

She was angry at me and fucked up. Went overboard. But I've been going to meetings, learning about drinking addictions and her medication interactions. So I was researching and knew she was in trouble, dangerously so.

I said "I forgive you".
She said "How? I'm a monster, I destroyed our home, our family. I fucked you over".
I said "We had problems, cracks we didn't see. But now that we saw them - we knew they were fixable, right?"
She : "Yes, they were".
I said "then, lets not continue this path. For ourselves and child - lets repair relationship. Since we love each other".

Yes, guys - My love for her DID NOT go down since we meet.

So we talked for five hours. She opened up about everything. She canceled her lawyer plans. Quit her job. I helped moved her things out while the guy was at work, and moved her across town to her parents since she can't stay in my home (court orders) and she needed safety from bad elements. This happened yesterday.

She hadn't been drinking for a few days and her head was clearing and was seeing that she has been in a fantasy. A boy that drank more than her, every day, every night. Passing out in public, passing out at home. Nothing but drinking and drugs. She isn't into illicit drugs.

We're going to court of course, but as allies - not enemies. We already have our agreements ready for the judge. We're going to counseling, we're going to recover. She's already going to AA.

We have rebuilding to do, and we want to do it.

Even our friends - those we have "played with" - support and want us to get back together.

We are going to work on each other. As far as kinky stuff with others - we have to talk about that. We had mixed our signals on that in bad ways we were not aware of. We like doing some of the things we did, some we did not. But all that is on hold. Its just about us and only us.

Do we want to go to kink parties, hell yes. Will we play with others, not anytime soon if at all. We'll still hang our with our kinky friends - they are OUR friends still.

We do love each other very very much. She is not an object, never was - but she is my other half.

Even when I was having sex with other women, while fun - my mind was on my wife anyway. Not guilty thinking - just that I she was on my mind.


I'll update you guys if you want. And only if she is cool with it, I'll share future stories.

Thanks.

PS: I love her with all my heart.
It's been shattered, but I feel great about the journey we are willing to do for each other.

[captaintrips]

Originally Posted by clitty

Update:

I had filed papers for full custody and divorce on Jan 13th. She got served, and by chance of an error - I happened to be close enough to watch. It was done at work as she wasn't home. She wasn't pissed, she was very upset.

I had no more communications from her for almost a week. She posted something in public, I replied.

We talked a bit.
We talked a bit more. We said we didn't hate each other.

She was angry at me and fucked up. Went overboard. But I've been going to meetings, learning about drinking addictions and her medication interactions. So I was researching and knew she was in trouble, dangerously so.

I said "I forgive you".
She said "How? I'm a monster, I destroyed our home, our family. I fucked you over".
I said "We had problems, cracks we didn't see. But now that we saw them - we knew they were fixable, right?"
She : "Yes, they were".
I said "then, lets not continue this path. For ourselves and child - lets repair relationship. Since we love each other".

Yes, guys - My love for her DID NOT go down since we meet.

So we talked for five hours. She opened up about everything. She canceled her lawyer plans. Quit her job. I helped moved her things out while the guy was at work, and moved her across town to her parents since she can't stay in my home (court orders) and she needed safety from bad elements. This happened yesterday.

She hadn't been drinking for a few days and her head was clearing and was seeing that she has been in a fantasy. A boy that drank more than her, every day, every night. Passing out in public, passing out at home. Nothing but drinking and drugs. She isn't into illicit drugs.

We're going to court of course, but as allies - not enemies. We already have our agreements ready for the judge. We're going to counseling, we're going to recover. She's already going to AA.

We have rebuilding to do, and we want to do it.

Even our friends - those we have "played with" - support and want us to get back together.

We are going to work on each other. As far as kinky stuff with others - we have to talk about that. We had mixed our signals on that in bad ways we were not aware of. We like doing some of the things we did, some we did not. But all that is on hold. Its just about us and only us.

Do we want to go to kink parties, hell yes. Will we play with others, not anytime soon if at all. We'll still hang our with our kinky friends - they are OUR friends still.

We do love each other very very much. She is not an object, never was - but she is my other half.

Even when I was having sex with other women, while fun - my mind was on my wife anyway. Not guilty thinking - just that I she was on my mind.


I'll update you guys if you want. And only if she is cool with it, I'll share future stories.

Thanks.

PS: I love her with all my heart.
It's been shattered, but I feel great about the journey we are willing to do for each other.

That sounds like it might be the start of good news. It is a cliché about addictions that you can only deal with them when the addict is ready and willing. It does sound like you wife may be getting to that stage now.

I have to agree with you that you stay away from "swinging" until you both again know who you are. But it is good to hear that some of your ex-partners are being supportive in a non-swinging context.

I wish you all the best and would like you to keep us posted as this is a cautionary tale for all. There is nothing "wrong" with an open relationship but all parties have to be fully in control of themselves and the situations for it to work. That appears not to have been the case with your wife. And, reading between the lines, not with yourself.

[nectcouple]

This is great news, Clitty! Good luck to both of you. It sounds like this is a good start to rebuilding your relationship. All the pieces are still there, it just needs to be put back together and strengthened.

[clitty]

We're back together, but she's not living with me yet. We've gone to court and got that sorted out - all is good.

We're going through the motions of repairs, rebuilding trust, etc. We're going to couples counseling and already doing very good in that area, the therapist is surprised how well we are doing who knows some of what we done (Open relationship) as it pertains to our problems.

We love each other very much. My libido is pretty much back to normal too.

We're both still hurt and working things out and excited about our future.

The friend, John has been helpful in getting us back together - but also other support from friends and such.

When we started talking, we learned we got our lines of communications crossed. She did things she thought she had TO do, because she loved me. I did things because I thought she wanted me to do, etc, etc. We both did things we wouldn't have, had we talked. Our communications have vastly improved, but we're still nervous with our feelings and easy to cause pain.

But every day, we get better and love each other dearly.

Will we do kinky stuff, hell yes! With others? Don't know - we'll don't care about that yet. We have other issues to work out first. We both are making life changing improvements because of our desire for each other, problems that we both ignored for far too long. Our kinky friends also support us too.

[clitty]

This will be as short as I can make it.

Things I have learned in the past few months, hell past few weeks. First: kinky/sharing with honesty is *NOT* cheating, but of course must be mutual between the couple. That said, everyone who has been betrayed by their husband or wife - IMHO, especially the wife because of emotional attachment, is perhaps one of the MOST traumatic experiences you can ever go through, it up there with death of a loved one. No joke. I've rather break both my arms. Another guy said, he's rather be shot - and he has been.

Out of all the kinky/sharing/3-some-sex we've done, none of it bothered me. We'll not quite true - there were some situations that had to be "adjusted". But lying, betrayal and the thought of your (my) wife having sex with someone else and saying "I love you" is the worst. I'm talking about gut-retching nausea, anxiety attacks with very high blood pressure. While being an "open marriage" might have helped caused the situation, the affair would have happened even if we were an iron-clad monogamous couple. What led up to it, had nothing to do with being OPEN.

The update, a few weeks ago...

We've had a major setback when my wife was not quite being honest with making contact with Dave. Hell, John had found out and warned her she needed to stop. Within two days I would find this out when we ran into Dave and the shit hit the fan. Manipulation appears to be going on, done to my wife and its needs to be sorted out.

Lets just say, police were involved and I made their affair very public to our family without giving a damn.

I'm tired. I'll post recommendations to keep in mind, such as books and articles. Affairs from the workplace is on the rise. Don't full yourself. Even the most loving, perfect marriage can end up having an affair partner by accident. Those kinksters who are 100% honest with their spouses will do very against such dangers.

I'll do this one because its simple:
http://www.goasksuzie.com/common-sym...l#.Vtaj-vkrJaQ


I'm going to bed and lay down with my sleeping wife, which I don't know if we'll have a future. I tell you what, trying to sleep in an empty is... so emptiness. We're trying again. She knows she fuked up bad and I really really shouldn't try again. But we both know - I have no more "forgiveness" left to give. She's being OPEN to things that happened and telling the truth - even if it hurts, it does actually heal, because it is actual truth to things I knew, were lies.

I have access to her online accounts... which builds trust. We have a long way to go.

What depresses me is that we've lost something that won't ever come back - even thou we may be a stronger couple in the future, which I do hope.

[captaintrips]

Originally Posted by clitty

This will be as short as I can make it.

Things I have learned in the past few months, hell past few weeks. First: kinky/sharing with honesty is *NOT* cheating, but of course must be mutual between the couple. That said, everyone who has been betrayed by their husband or wife - IMHO, especially the wife because of emotional attachment, is perhaps one of the MOST traumatic experiences you can ever go through, it up there with death of a loved one. No joke. I've rather break both my arms. Another guy said, he's rather be shot - and he has been.

Out of all the kinky/sharing/3-some-sex we've done, none of it bothered me. We'll not quite true - there were some situations that had to be "adjusted". But lying, betrayal and the thought of your (my) wife having sex with someone else and saying "I love you" is the worst. I'm talking about gut-retching nausea, anxiety attacks with very high blood pressure. While being an "open marriage" might have helped caused the situation, the affair would have happened even if we were an iron-clad monogamous couple. What led up to it, had nothing to do with being OPEN.

The update, a few weeks ago...

We've had a major setback when my wife was not quite being honest with making contact with Dave. Hell, John had found out and warned her she needed to stop. Within two days I would find this out when we ran into Dave and the shit hit the fan. Manipulation appears to be going on, done to my wife and its needs to be sorted out.

Lets just say, police were involved and I made their affair very public to our family without giving a damn.

I'm tired. I'll post recommendations to keep in mind, such as books and articles. Affairs from the workplace is on the rise. Don't full yourself. Even the most loving, perfect marriage can end up having an affair partner by accident. Those kinksters who are 100% honest with their spouses will do very against such dangers.

I'll do this one because its simple:
http://www.goasksuzie.com/common-sym...l#.Vtaj-vkrJaQ


I'm going to bed and lay down with my sleeping wife, which I don't know if we'll have a future. I tell you what, trying to sleep in an empty is... so emptiness. We're trying again. She knows she fuked up bad and I really really shouldn't try again. But we both know - I have no more "forgiveness" left to give. She's being OPEN to things that happened and telling the truth - even if it hurts, it does actually heal, because it is actual truth to things I knew, were lies.

I have access to her online accounts... which builds trust. We have a long way to go.

What depresses me is that we've lost something that won't ever come back - even thou we may be a stronger couple in the future, which I do hope.

This is so sad but at the same time there is some hope.

As well as this awesome forum, I also spend quite some time on an Erotic Stories site (storiesonline.net). I would say that the majority of stories are concerned with upstanding males dealing more or less badly with a cheating wife. If that topic entertains us it must be dealing with a deep-held fear that many males have. Male DNA is telling you to spread it around, get as many females pregnant as you can. But watch out for that alpha-male who'll bust your balls for messin' with his ladies. Female DNA is telling them to find the fittest male in the tribe to get pregnant by.
Now we throw in a sprinkling of something we call civilization and that changes the story somewhat. The male still wants to fuck everything in sight but denies himself that for the ability and permission to fuck one particular female however many times and whenever he wants. The female makes the bargain not to seek out the fittest male for breeding if the male she has will stick around and take care of her and the offspring. Now given that, if the wife cheats, the male psyche is given a double whammy. He has contracted not to "cheat" although his DNA is telling to do just that. And now the partner has broken her side of the bargain. His whole feeling of civilization is put in question. I guess this is one reason for so many crimes de passion.

Being fair, I know a female could put a different interpretation on male cheating. But you are male and this is what you are going through.

Total and extraordinary openness and honesty on your partners part may help to create a new relationship. Don't talk about saving the old relationship. It is gone, history, dead. Whatever you have moving forward will be new as you both now have a different background to that which pertained when you first got together. You may be able to forgive (eventually) but you will never forget. And, if either of you feels that they cannot give the commitment needed to rebuild a relationship, then you should both break it off and stop pissing into the wind.

I think if you are to have any hope, some open and honest sessions with a relationship counsellor are required. I hope you find a good one.

You may find this story is not a million miles away from what you are going through ... storiesonline.net/s/57875/catch-22-wife

[clitty]

I completely understand the DNA of male vs female - spreading of seed, etc.... I have for over 20 years.

Hence I've almost always been open to Open Relationships, with TRUTH, respect and honesty.

Being betrayed the way I was, really hurt me down to my soul. Worst thing to experience in my life so far.

I already FORGAVE my wife, Captiaintrips. Really, I am past that. I'll post some links about affairs which helped me, but I barely have time to reply to this.

We're reading books and going to couples counseling. By all means, I was on a track to move on and meet other women. But I never lost life for my wife. She tells me the same thing - but was running away from her problems - rather than actually tackle them. She didn't win at running away.

I'm not into cuckold, not my thing. That story you sent me... its a fantasy. I only read the first chapter as I don't like signing up for sites. There are other free sex-story sites that require no log-in... I prefer: http://www.asstr.org

The story is very much a fantasy (again, only chap 1), where the poor SOB finds out what has just happened and will happen. The space of things in the matter of 6~24 hours is complete fantasy. His brain would be broken. He's not consenting to his wife having sex with other men. But I am in error after just saying that.... its just a sex story, so its supposed to be "fun".

[clitty]

Oh, forgot to add this part, captaintrips.

Wife has been going to AA meetings semi-regularly now. 1~3 times a week. Shen she asks, I take her.

She's been very sober for over a month and is far more clear headed that before.