I love you, funny face!

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Hi...I'm Anita Hardcock. I'm the director of the 'I Love You Funny Face On Line Nympho-versity.' Our school teaches young women all they need to know to be world class nymphomaniacs...all in the comfort of their own homes!"
2. "Our beginners courses help women become more familiar with their bodies. We teach them to find their erogenous zones and the all essential art of foreplay."
3. "Next they move on to solo masturbation and multiple orgasms. You have to learn how to love yourself if you expect others to do the same!"
4. "Our blowjob courses are the toughest in the nation. We don't train women to just be good cocksuckers. We teach them oral perfection."
5. "Double penetration is the first step toward multiple partner sex. Great nymphomaniacs are never satisfied by just one lover."
6. "Once a student can multi-task with the toys, we work on their confidence. We pump them up...sometimes literally."
7. "By the graduation ceremony our students are ready for the reall thing. Most can't wait to show off their skills. So, if you know a woman who thinks she has what it takes to be a nymphomaniac, have her call 1-800-SUK-FUCK , or she can send us naked pictures on line at www.nymphoversity.com. We'll be happy to get her enrolled. " (I Love You Funny Face Nympho-versity is a non profit organization staffed by dedicated sex addicts who feel the world would be a better place if everyone would just lighten up and get laid. It isn't real, you gullible fuckers! OCC and its moderators are not legally responsible for this nonsense...except for maybe Dog In Heat or Mudbug or Fango.)

[Fox Mulder]

"Are you lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at me?" Then who the hell else are you lookin' ...you lookin' at me?"
Well I'm the only one here...well...actually that's not true at all. Who the fuck do you think you're lookin' at? Oh yeah? OK. "

[mad_merc]

Flash

[Fox Mulder]

1. Jurassic Park Seven: Ian Malcom abandons his "Chaos Theory" and becomes a daredevil upskirt photographer.
2. Kerri never seems to put her days as an erotic pole dancer completely behind her.
3 "You remember 'The Blair Witch Project?" Well get ready for the 'Blond Beeeee-atch Project!" ( Once again, alcohol must be involved)
4. Family pictures are always interesting when Sindee the black sheep comes to town.
5. Worried about her grades, her professor asked her to put some extra effort into her studies. Well..she's studying.
6. Naturists were about to mount a surprise dawn military raid on the White House, but they didn't count on a lingering street cleaning truck. Without the element of surprise in their favor, they decided they would be too...uh... exposed.
7. Buck had never delivered a baby before...but since he'd had his hands up a few pussies, he was more than willing to give it a try.
8. Many very hot women are content with the clothes on their backs, a pair of cheap sandals and a cardboard box to sleep on. ( I know this excites you jobless guys who live in their parent's basements...but it really isn't true.)
9. AND you guys...this isn't reality either. She's not really there. As always, it's actually just your right hand and your fertile imagination.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "Hey...Tom Brokaw called us 'America's Greatest Generation.' We'll spend our Golden Years any way we fucking want!"
2. Think her price has gone up a little since April of 2002? On the other hand, if she's been hooking for fourteen years...
3. Remember the story of how, after your mother was born, your grandmother went to Africa as a missionary and was never heard from again? You're old enough now to hear...the REST of the story.
4. I used to love shopping at Joe's Hardware. They had everything I needed for my home improvement projects...and hookers too!
5. Oh how your breath caught in your teenaged throat when you realized you were actually looking at real live English Teacher Tit!
6. Yeah, that neighbor gal had some years on you, but you learned a lot. Then your little brother got the new camera for Christmas.
7. Gina figured that if panting seemed to work so well for old dogs on hot days, maybe she ought to give it a try.
8. Now you KNOW that's not what I meant when I asked for cream in my coffee!
9. No, Ma'am! NO!!! The Herrenbekleidung is not a toilet! (It's the dung bit, you see?)
10. Remember back in 2008 when you still had teeth... and could still make your old lady cum?

[Fox Mulder]

1. "I'M HORNY AS HELL! AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!" ( Cathy attempts to "Network.")
2. Ever notice there's a chick in a black dress who needs a drink...sitting alone at almost every bar in America? They're paid bar employees.
3. "You said you wanted a picnic lunch...dig in!"
4. "No offense, Hank...but now you know why I prefer to spend most nights alone."
5. No caption. I just love the shirt.
6. "There there...I really AM sorry your father died. I was just trying to make you feel better, Baby." ( Some men are just plain insensitive )
7. "So Mindy, how was your workout 'date' with Dave and his housemates at the Fraternity gym?"
8. Still refuses to swallow. Ever.
9. In the south, down by the rivers, the folk like to tell tall tales about whoppers.
10. The blond thinks your lame opening line was charming...the brunette is thinking about killing you and eating your remains.

[Fox Mulder]

1. Kristen does it all. A working mother of three, besides her heavy work commitments, she drives the kids everywhere, cooks all the meals, pays the bills and...she's hard at work on her first novel! She even fits in time to offer her ass up to her horny husband. What a gal!
2. Now here's Gretchen. She works from home. Women working in offices get coffee breaks. Not Gretchen. She enjoys cunnilingus breaks with her lover, Greg. She says working from home is the best idea she ever had. After this picture was taken, Greg was unavailable for comment. (It's not polite to talk with your mouth full)
3. Alexis doesn't work anywhere. After her head injury, she just crawls around on the floor of her home, pretending to be a cat in heat. Unfortunately, the only "Toms" she attracts are the peeping kind.
4. When the brutal workday's over, hubby ain't getting upstairs for his nap until he completes just one more essential task...
5. Joe knew his long business trips made life lonely for his wife. Returning unexpectedly early one day, he witnessed just HOW lonely.
6. This is the reason most men who quit their jobs do so in the morning. I wouldn't want to leave this room for a snowy commute either!

[Fox Mulder]

1. It's bad enough to find intruders still using your home, but now you'll feel compelled to throw away those new sheets.
2. "And dear God...all I want is for my baby to be healthy. Actually I'd also like to know who the father is." (Now she knows how Mary felt)
3. Emerson nice titties.
4. Desiree was determined to keep her sick husband from attempting to return to work.
5. This is just the sort of thing that leads to pilot error.
6. If you want to give men woodies, you should hone your exhibitionist skills...in the woods.
7. Hockey fan Lindsay was so impressed with the NHL's outdoor Stadium Series, she thought she'd start an outdoor tradition of her own: The Chilly Cunnilingus Challenge is sure to be a classic.
8. "Two things, Roomie...One: Neither one of us has any money to pay for heating bills. Two: He only wants to grab our pussies. Simply put, if we just turn on the landlord, he'll be happy to turn on the heat." ( Back when our new president was a landlord)
9. It may not play well on Broadway, but critics around here consider this musical "visually stunning"
10. "C'mon...you said you was a tit man so I put one in your mouth...and now you all... muffled screaming and 'fightin' for air' shit!"

[Fox Mulder]

1. Roxanne attempts to use her Jedi powers to stop us from looking at her tits. The Force is NOT with her.
2. Now that Playboy is going nude free, (What's the fucking point?) Kim thought she'd give us a reminder of the good old days when Hugh still ran the show and we all wished we could get a little bunny tail.
3. When choosing lovers, Bobbi swears by "testical heft" as a sure way to pick out a winner.
4. Here's one sure way to get your lover off the goddam Internet and back to the moment.
5. "It looks like Santa got me the 'Assbuster 9000 with Turbo Thrust Action' I've been wanting!" ( Santa likes to see 'em gape)
6. "Hey, Big Guy! Your pubic hair doesn't match your head!" (Embarrassment courtesy of the limitations of "Just For Men" hair dye)
7. After being abducted by aliens, the Smith sisters gleefully show off their radiation burns.
8. On the other side of the bed, Keith is gloating over his sexual performance. But obviously Lexi is less than impressed.
9. Sometimes the daily grind just gets to Jane. It ain't easy being a congresswoman by day and a callgirl specializing in Bukkake gangbangs by night.
10. Grandma is thrilled. Her dream of a "White Christmas" in Galveston finally came true.

[wildfire54]

Everyday happenings that should happen more often.

1."Your right,Marsha. I think that is one of those drone's.."

2.Cindy was so paranoid about getting caught cheating.She made sure she was thoroughly cleaned before she went home.

3.He knew the old saying: 'A gift should never be questioned.But merely accepted.' But Jerry wasn't amused at what his wife's ex-Bf had sent her for Christmas.

4.On the other hand.Bill was more than happy with what Santa had brought him.

5.The more she thought about it. The more Julie didn't like how her doctor did her breast exams.

6.Frank was totally sure his wife was cheating on him.But he just couldn't find any evidence of it.

7.When there wasn't a salami available. Tina played hide the zucchini instead.