Under The influence - Page 6

osreb · #51 10-10-2008, 07:54 PM

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per Year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a Year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

osreb · #52 10-15-2008, 07:02 PM

man walks into a bar and sees this beautiful barlady... he goes up to her and says:
"if u can guess how long my penis is u can hav a ride"
the bar lady blushes and replies:
"If u can guess my penis size..........."

osreb · #53 10-22-2008, 06:52 PM

3 business men met at a convention in LA and were sitting in a bar. The beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.

"But," said the guy from Georgia, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Atlanta. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."

The 2nd guy said "Well, at my local bar in Dallas, the owner will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."

"Hell, that's nothin'," the 3rd guy responded. "Back in Boston there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house."

The first 2 immediately doubted his claims. "And this actually happened to you?" asked the Texan.

No, not myself personally," admitted the Bostonian. "But it did happen to my sister."

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beteman · #54 10-24-2008, 01:15 PM

not sure if any of these are reposts on this site or not, but I felt they belonged in this topic...

osreb · #55 10-25-2008, 10:10 AM

After the bar closed, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's that big brass gong?'' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.
'
A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'Yup,' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.

'Watch,' the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,'You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!'
__________________

osreb · #56 10-31-2008, 07:40 PM

boozing babes

osreb · #57 11-04-2008, 07:56 PM

your guy wins - drink to celebrate

your guy loses - drink to forget

either way - OCC wins

osreb · #58 11-13-2008, 11:47 PM

Me and my friend Miranda got really drunk and as our friend was driving us home we pulled up to a car of hot guys, took off our shirts and bras, put our phone numbers in the cups and threw it over to them. They called us the next morning� Miranda is now married to one of them.

One night, my girlfriend and I decided to get drunk with a girlfriend of hers, and her husband. I had just gotten paid so I didn�t care if I spent a lot of money on alcohol. The dude bought a load too� liquor, mudslide mix, wine coolers and beer. We starting mixing everything like idiots and got slammed, luckily we brought a camera with us. The girls got wild and stripped for us and ended up giving us head while we sat their drinking beer and playing chess. A night to remember.

One night after a hard day of pounding Absolute Club & Cran�s I walked around to my apartments front porch and being such a nice evening (I think) I passed out on my porch glider. When I awoke several hours later I found that my wife and one of her friends had stripped me down to my underwear and decorated my entire body with multi coloured magic marker tattoo�s!

osreb · #59 11-21-2008, 07:27 PM

A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender �Does this look like Mike Tyson?�

Bartender says �No.�

She then asks �Does this look like Evander Holifield?�

Bartender says �Nope sorry.�

She�s says �Well I want another opinion.� She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her inner right thigh and asks him �Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?�

Drunk guy says �No.�

She points to her inner left thigh and asks �Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?�

Drunk guy says �No but the one in the middle looks like Don King.�

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osreb · #60 11-27-2008, 11:08 AM

..babes who drink and get naked.

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