Sharing of the wife - Challenges

[fenderbender357]

Good luck to you both

[nectcouple]

I sure hope it all works out for the both of you. Gonna miss you, brother!

[clitty]

I'd say we're still 50/50 - or more accurately, I don't fucking know... if we're going to make it.

Most friends say "dump that b*tch". In Anger, I should.
But I truly love this woman with all my heart, even thou she has some flaws. - Shes going to have to grow up too.

The talks got us to both open up about a lot of things, but we have far to go... its only a start. I hope we have another moderated meeting in the next 2-3 days. *I* do need to know *IF* she wants to actually repair our marriage... she going to have to make an effort. Its not going to all be on me.

I'm a very broken man. I think I can hear broken pieces moving inside my body.
But I have a new drive to make myself a better person, no matter what happens.
I also know what its going to take for us to get back together, but will she do it.... the mystery.

If you guys want updates, let me know. Its depressing for a wank-site I'd post basics here and there... trust me, if I posted a few times a day, you'd see tears on the screen.

[clitty]

Christmas was bad... I've been in a bad place.
Since we are "separated" and she is living in a guy's place until she gets her own.
I went out to a FWB (my wife knows I've had sex with her recently) as she had nothing to do anyway, and we drank, talked with plans for fucking to "feel better". I had a meltdown and was no way going to get an erection in my condition. I haven't been this drunk in years, not this way - since years before meeting my wife.

I'm glad I didn't have sex, I think mentally it would have fucked with my head.
The friend was there for me, cuddled me and help me out of my dark place and of course did NOT let me drive. I stayed the night.

We had a big family get together with all the kids and such. Only a 4-5 people knew we had separated. But a member visiting from across the country got wind of it... and I saw her turn into a bear onto my wife. I am the "Step husband" to this family gathering, which is my main family in all reality. "What do you mean separated?!" She asked me a few questions and I started crumbling. But we kept our distances for almost 2 hours. My nerves were shot and I'm about to leave soon... when my wife gets my attention to talk. We opened up, we cry, we don't want to break up.

We both failed each other in communication, our marriage has been in trouble for over a year. The situation blew up in our face (I'm not interested in getting into it), we both did things to each other that could have been avoided. This happens to pretty much all couples, its a make or break situation. For the most part, we know we can fix things and we want to.

One aspect of kinky sex life style is that she choose to do things because she loves me so much.
I told her, there is NOTHING that is required of her to do "for me" in such a way that causes her internal grief.
Yes, she likes to be tied up, flogged and other things which are her ideas, others not so much - but she did them to prove her love to me. I told her, she **ALWAYS** has the right to say "no". She is my equal and we are supposed to support each other.

I stayed for another 5 hours, we enjoyed each others company and that with the rest of the family.

We have lots to repair.
We're a kinky crazy couple. What do we do in the future? I don't know until we get to that bullet point on our repair list. Working on each other is what's needed.

[clitty]

And now we are done.

Well, she made no effort again for us to be together and still having sex with others... after she promised we would be monogamous.

So I'm done. We'll break up and go our separate ways. I don't have time in my life with such a person.

[MrBill]

Originally Posted by clitty

And now we are done.

Sorry to hear that everything went bad for you.

[GRITS]

Originally Posted by clitty

And now we are done.

Well, she made no effort again for us to be together and still having sex with others... after she promised we would be monogamous.

So I'm done. We'll break up and go our separate ways. I don't have time in my life with such a person.

Move on young man,, Move on!!! Plenty of fish in the sea.....learn from the past, move to the future and do it right this time...... don't fall prey to your cock.

Don't know how old you are??... but some advise?.. ie: stay away from divorced women, they are divorced for a reasson!!,, and most are just looking for a replacement paycheck,,, remember, divorced women know, KNOW the ropes of what "the piece of paper" will get them... learn to date, instead of feeling you "have to get married" to keep someone.... the difference between a Playboy & a miserable married man being used for what hes worth.. think!!

Marriage is for ONLY if your having kids.

[clitty]

I still love her.... but I need to real and let her go... How can I trust her, ever again anyway - right?

I've been going to AL Anon meetings. It is helping.

I see the things now, that have lead us to this place, I wish we could have done adjustments - talked more about issues and actually made the effort to make life changes.

Trust me, I'm venting here... but yeah, I've already made drastic changes to my life for the better and I need to continue moving forward.

Its been hard. I've been crying for what has been lost for the 3 of us. If she would have thought about our child and how its going to be a life-time BS for him and have us work together. We go have done something. She's not trying.

She is an alcoholic. I've been thinking more and more that she was lately. And now I know that for sure.
She needed help. I should have done more, but we both fucked up.

I gotta go. I need to get my shit together.

[captaintrips]

Originally Posted by twokings

My advice, dont take advice about relationships from swingers, porn addicts or pornsite voyeurs!

Amen to that.

In the UK there is a fantastic relationship counselling service called, not surprisingly, RELATE. I know folks who got great help with their teenage kids problems, others with sex problems and the like. I know they also offer advice to people going through a break-up. All UK reader take note - this is a great service if you need it.

I just looked on the net for anything similar on Clitty's side of the Atlantic but did not see anything. I guess the availability of paid professional counselling puts paid to anything voluntary. Nevertheless, I suggest you seek out some good relationship counselling. Not to save the marriage which appears to be history but to save yourself.

Remember, the most important person in this break up does not have any choice about it and it is a duty you have to put your kids interests before your own and your wife's.

I wish you a better 2016 that you have in 2015. It could hardly be worse so that was an easy one. But I do wish you strength through the darkness and the self-doubt which will undoubtedly be occurring. Good luck.

[clitty]

Thank you captain trips.

The problem started with alcohol abuse, which lead to bad decisions on her part and my inability to reason. This really had little to do with "kinky shit"... this would have happened regardless.

I'm going to AL-Anon meeting and I'm trying to get her to AA meetings.

Our child is what is #1, and I cry for her because she is causing so much grief for everyone over something that won't last... I have hope, somewhat... or I should just move on. I'm feeling the latter.