I love you, funny face!

[Fox Mulder]

1. With his risiduals from his work in "The Wizard of Oz," Toto retired to Maui where he lives with a hot MILF named Nancy.
2. The NFL is dropping coin tosses for the 2016 season. Here, officials in Florida practice their skills at the replacement... "Chick Flipping."
3. It's damned hard to suck your own breast when you're a 34B.
4. Too much time spent online looking at this thread...
5. When you come home unexpectedly all sorts of interesting moments can be your's.
6. So what the hell is there to do in Wisconsin in winter if you're not a Packer fan?
7. Does semen really work as sunscreen? Probably not, but he's got her convinced.
8. What a "facial" means everywhere other than the world of Internet porn.
9. Oh, bite the big one.
10. James Bond lubes his trigger finger.

[Fox Mulder]

1."Uh...when your mixed doubles partner asked you to kiss his balls...I don't think that's what he meant."
2.When the contractor and his partner finished rebuilding her garage, Martha thought she'd express her thanks for a job well done.
3. Some guys are pretty enthusiastic about cunnilingus.
4. "Yeah, so I just got some new jeans...ten percent off!" (Looks like it)
5. Trying to relive The Sound Of Music.
6. Doing a better job of it. (She even has the Julie Andrews hairdo)
7. Lesbians are confusing to some labs.
8. The odd one out at the Saturday night orgy is more focused on that roast in the oven.
9. Looks like every swinging dick in Massachusetts wants to run in the Boston Marathon since it went all nude.
10. Betty wanted to "brush up" on her self abuse technique.

[wildfire54]

Everyone has made them.

1.On hindsight.Terri's father should have been highly suspicious of the prom picture his daughter had taken.

2.On hindsight. Yolanda decided that doing her 'King Tut' imitation for her Egyptian BF probably wasn't a good idea.

3.On hindsight. Dr. Mather's decided it probably wasn't a good idea to date a woman who was so ditzy she wanted him to do a prostate exam on her.

4.On hindsight. Linda decided that surprising her new BF in front of his wife probably wasn't a good idea.

5.On hindsight. Robert was beginning to question his new wife's intentions about having his ex-wife live with them.

[wildfire54]

It's always best to be careful.

1.Always look both ways before crossing the street.

2.Never pick up hitchhikers.

3.Be sure and wear warm clothing when exposed to cold weather.

4.It's always good to lock your bedroom door if you want privacy.

5.When performing delicate medical procedures.It's a good idea to try to distract the patient from what your doing.

[Fox Mulder]

1. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" (What REALLY happens when wicked witches get wet)
2. The ghost of Patrick Swayze never came, but Tina was able to make a nice flower pot.
3. When passengers are unhappy with Euro-rail service...
4. It's hard work taking facials...but Becky guts it out every time.
5. "Hey Arnold...you wanna pump iron or would you rather pump me?"
6. Yeah...she's naked, but judging by her expression your chances of getting laid are slim and none.
7. And her unsuspecting mother kept shopping, never guessing Rebellious Rita was flashing the store cameras behind her.
8. Nancy's mom preserved both the before and after the prom memories.
9. England turns it's back to the European Union? What the fuck?
10. "Three's Company" would have been better had they delved more into the origins of Mr. Roper's name.

[Proud Fart]

9. England turns it's back to the European Union? What the fuck?


Well since they are already in position the only proper response is to bugger them.

[Fox Mulder]

1. Time to play "Spot the Silly Fucker." (Yes, this one was easy)
2. At The Funny Face Bra Sizing Department, with our patented hand sizing method we can size you up in a jiffy. This is obviously a 34B.
3. Ordinary people having an ordinary discussion...about Real. Kinky. Shit.
4."Hmmm...looks like the sharks finally got our underwater voyeur creep."
5."First thing in the morning you need a handjob...oy! Being married to you is a fuckin' grind!"
6. Ladies...here's further proof that you should never assume he's just using that cell phone to check his emails in bed.
7. How to liven up yet another boring company picnic.
8. ACME's newest mouthwash product...uh... isn't for everyone.
9. Petra's dentist is proud of her for keeping her teeth so white. We are proud of her for other reasons.
10. If any of you folks would like to put your naked ass all over the Internet, please raise your hand.

[Fox Mulder]

1. It looks like bondage is making a cum back.
2. Gymnasts just can't do ANYTHING the normal way.
3. Master Bates insisted that Maid Martha polishes his bedposts every week...ah, the lives of the rich!
4. Joe just KNEW it was a mistake to let his wife enjoy an island vacation without him.
5. On hot days, Grandpa Finch always liked a cool glass of sweet tea...and a handjob. (From To Kill A Mockingbird: The Lost Chapter)
6. Now there's an ass...and an ass.
7. Nice 'stash!
8. Tom Brady finally quit fighting his four game suspension...and got back to his usual off season fun.
9. Now we know why Becky's friends call her " Ass Face."
10. Have a Coke and a smile. (If you feel thirsty or horny, this ad works)

[Fox Mulder]

1. WHY IS CLEANLINESS IMPORTANT? Well...you never want to get a handjob from your brunette girlfriend in the afternoon...
2. ...and have her find a red pubic hair from your morning exploits.
3. If you're green and you like to fuck Starship captains...Kirk will come calling.
4. And you thought all that noise was just the raccoons getting into your garbage again. (It pays to keep a camera handy)
5. On a hot day it's important to stay hydrated. Get plenty of liquids in you...whenever and however you can.
6. Can you guess who doesn't want you to see her tampon string?
7. Soccer moms don't just use their vans for transporting kids anymore.
8. Bushwood Country Club has changed a lot since "Caddyshack."
9. She thought she was just posing for her boyfriend...now here she is on the Internet. ( Appropriate reaction.)
10. "Hmmmm...no red pubic hairs here!" YEP, CLEANLINESS IS IMPORTANT.

[wildfire54]

It;s a great way to get away.

1.After giving it great consideration.Carlo decided to continue with his pool cleaning business.

2.After several embarrassing incidents.Sam gave up trying to teach fly-fishing to his girlfriend.

3.'You know next time we play cards with the guys,Vicky.Maybe you should check and see if the cards are marked beforehand.'

4.'Yes Mam.' The Police Officer explained.'Your allowed to be naked in your backyard as long as you have a fence.But we'd recommend something more than chain-link.'