April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[Emanuelle]

Top Gallerie

[osreb]

Next time you use a pair of latex gloves when you're painting or crafting, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked.

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

(Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)

[osreb]

***** POLITICAL JOKES REMOVED *****

Our site is not a place to discuss or promote people's political or religious beliefs.

[osreb]

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy
Women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.


Q: What can a man do while his Wife is going through Menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with Tools, you can finish the basement.
When you're done you'll have a Place to live.


Q: How can you increase the Heart rate of your 60-plus Year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem,Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

[Anony]

I have to admit that I posted this on my FB page and sent it as an email blast to my mailing list, THANKS for posting this great joke!

Originally Posted by osreb

British Petroleum announced today that they will no longer hire Cajuns to help in the oil cleanup.
Thibodeaux, Boudreaux and Fontenot were told to clean as many brown pelicans as they could....

So far, Thibodeaux has cleaned and gutted over 56 birds while Boudreaux made the roux and Fontenot cooked the rice.

[osreb]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a negligible negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[ftwpeeker]

Originally Posted by osreb

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a negligible negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

another good one osreb, thank you

[osreb]

BP announced that this morning they installed a wedding ring around the leaking pipe
& almost instantly, it quit putting out.

[osreb]

~ Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is like a box of chocolates.

~ Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

~ My idea of housework is to sweep a room with a glance.

~ Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

~ Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

~ If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

~ For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

~ If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

~ Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

~ A conscience is the part of you that hurts when all your body parts feel good.

~ Eat well, stay fit, die thin.

~ Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

~ A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

~ By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

~ Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

~ Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

[osreb]

KISS Tribute to our military


Not a big fan of KISS, but this is wonderful to see

Turn up those speakers!


What a great tribute to our military from Gene Simmons and KISS................enjoy



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MtdIO23MKM