April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

is pic 1

[osreb]

A man watching a hockey game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a couple having sex.

"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.

"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said. "You already know how to play Hockey!"

[osreb]

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with
A farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease .......

Lady : Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the
Reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason ?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said,
" Do you know that the bull screws the cow once a year ? "

The Lady ( getting embarrassed ) : " Well sir, that's a new piece of information.
But what is the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease ? "

The Farmer : " Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day ? "

The Lady : " Yes ! But can you come to the point please ? "

The Farmer : " I am getting to the point Madam ........ Just imagine ........ If I was playing with your breasts,
Four times a day and screwing you ........ ONLY ........ Once a year, would you also not get mad ? "

[osreb]

The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "Okay, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."

The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "Oh my God, I was riding the mare!"

[Fango]

Originally Posted by osreb

The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "Okay, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."

The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "Oh my God, I was riding the mare!"

https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...2&d=1275697296
https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...1&d=1275697296
https://forum.oneclickchicks.com/atta...6&d=1275697326

Any more to this set?

Thanks

Fango

[osreb]

all I have..

[osreb]

Running stop light = $100.00
DUI = $5000.00
Not wearing a seat belt = $50.00


Putting you & your girlfriend on your fake drivers license =PRICELESS

REMEMBER!!
When making a fake ID, attach a picture of yourself only...
no matter how much you love your girl.
‘Counterfeit I...D. of the Week'....
This is an actual Drivers License from a traffic stop.....

SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM!

[osreb]

> *
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught
Sunday School every week.

On one Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the
pew right behind her. He noted What a fine looking woman she was..
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned
forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

Why yes, that would be nice," the lady responded.
Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked
the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina .
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested,
"Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood,
"What ever would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until
after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked,
"Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did?"

Well, our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car
and as he was driving the lady home,
They passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice
already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth
with, "Ahhh .. Mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"

"Sure, that would be nice," she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast u-turn right
then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most
incredible sex and perversions imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.
He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought,
"What the hell have I done? He shook her awake and pleaded,
"I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them.
You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."*


--
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

[osreb]

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg Brothers

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.


Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.


They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.


And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

[osreb]

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right,everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now…