my favs

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be safe till next time

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Happy Patriots day

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Ultimate Truth Or Dare
by TooCleverByHalf©

Ultimate Truth Or Dare

What You Will Need:

A bottle from an alcoholic beverage (your choice). You may even have more than one, depending on how much you would like people to drink.


Index cards (at least 9)


Shot glasses, at least one per person. Preferably one for every shot in the game.


A timer, preferably digital.


Paper and pencil, to keep track of certain rules.


One set of gaming dice (one die each with twenty sides, twelve sides, ten sides, eight sides, six sides, and four sides, called a d20, d12, d10, d8, d6, and d4).


Players (of course).

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As with any drinking/sex/party game, every person should be open to doing whatever comes up, with anyone else present, especially given the random nature of the game. If this is not the case, agree on rules adjustments prior to the game.

One player will sort of act for the game in a role similar to that of a Dungeon Master in a D&D game. They set the timer, write down necessary notes, announce new rules, and adjudicate as needed. It is most useful for this person to go first in a round, to demonstrate how the rules work each round, for those not yet familiar (or are quite familiar but also drunk).

Some preparation is required. As host, calculate how drunk you want everyone to be and work backwards. X amount of alcohol per person, times Z number of people, given that booze Q that I want to serve is Y proof, there will be... K number of shots.

Example: A 200-mL bottle of Eiswein is to be split among four players. It's a fairly hefty proof, and the host wants the players to be tipsy and uninhibited, but not drunk and reckless. So, half-shots. This makes for thirteen shots, with a little extra.

All booze that does not split evenly among the players is combined into one container (this may be quite a bit larger than a shot for a big group), and is called the Big Shot. More on that later.

Write the rules for each round down on an index card, and stack them in order. These are great for referring back to as needed. You can also shuffle them without looking, for an even more chaotic game. What follows is the recommended order.

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Round 1:

Truth Or Dare, straight up.

If someone does not know the rules, they probably shouldn't be playing this ultimate version. But just in case, let's go over them. On your turn, you ask another player of your choice "Truth or Dare?" If they say "Truth," you ask them a question and they HAVE to be honest. If they say "Dare," you dare them to do something and they HAVE to do it.

Round 2:

Add Spin The Bottle.

You now spin to see who you ask "Truth Or Dare" to. You also spin for the objects of dares, when appropriate. If a spin result is impossible, spin again.

Round 3:

Add the Dare Die.

The first Dare Die is the d20. On your turn, you roll the DD. If it's a 1, the object must Dare. It decreases to d12, d10, d8, d6, then d4 each round. It stays on d4 the remainder of the game.

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Round 4:

Add the shots.

At the beginning of your turn, you must drink a shot. If this gets you too drunk, blame the host. The last shot is called the Big Shot, and the last person wearing clothing must drink it.

Round 5:

Subtract Clothing.

From this point forward, all clothing removed may not be put back on. Contact lenses, jewelry, and the like may be excluded at the group's discretion.

Round 6:

Time's Up.

The next timed Dare is one minute long, adding a minute for every Timed Dare afterwards.

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Round 7:

Add Seven Minutes In Heaven.

From this point forward, every time you Spin To Ask and the result is yourself, that's seven minutes. Keep adding three minutes for every subsequent spin in the same direction, as needed until the bottle points to someone else. The number of minutes is how long the spinner and the other person have in Heaven. This counts as a completed Dare, but not a Timed Dare.

Round 8:

Subtract Clothing

From this point forward, anyone who is clothed must remove one item of their own clothing at the beginning of their turn. If the player is naked, the article may be removed from anyone. Contact lenses, jewelry, and the like may be excluded at the group's discretion.

Round 9 & Up:

No new rules.

If you make it this far, you're not doing the previous ones right, so you must need more practice.

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Shopping for Sex Toys at Walmart
byglynndah©

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you'd never be caught shopping at the Evil Empire, but this is an emergency. The closest adult toy store is hours away and your date isn't. Besides, I think they're still picketing and you've already said you're scared of those church ladies. And, yes, you could have ordered some real playthings from Lit or Amazon or wherever, but you forgot, didn't you? So, it's here or Home Depot. Yes, that was just a joke... Although I can think of some interesting possibilities .... Maybe later.

So, grab a cart and let's go. Not that one. It's got a wockity wheel. Try that one. Much better.

No, they're not doing community service. They're called greeters. They're supposed to make you feel welcome. And to look out for big screen TVs shoved down your pants. Come on.

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Now, our first stop's the Health and Beauty department. No, they're not all looking at you. They're shopping, just like you. Well, I'm sure you look weird to them, too.

Here we are. This'll be the only place for actual sex stuff. The rest we'll improvise. Now, let me check that list. A personal massager. Yes, that's a vibe. I don't know why they don't just say Vibrator on the box. They just don't. Look for one you like, or even better, one you think she'll like. Isn't that one a little...um...industrial looking? Let's see what the label says: Intense Pulsing Throbbing Deep Muscle Penetration. I'd be scared to see that thing coming at me, especially the first time I'm sleeping with a guy. Maybe something a little friendlier. How about this one? I think she'll like this one. Just put in in the bottom of the cart. You don't need a bag to cover it up with. No one cares. Besides we'll put some other things on top of it.

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Of course, we're not finished. There's a whole list, remember. How are you fixed for condoms? They're on these shelves. What do you mean, you didn't know they had so many different kinds? Where do you buy your condoms? Oh, don't tell me...the men's room at Bill's Bottle Shop, right? There's a whole new world out there, kiddo.

Latex. Lambskin. Lubricated. Flavored. Pick out a couple of boxes and we'll go. I don't know. A couple of different ones. That way she can choose. Oooh. Spirals for her Pleasure. That one's mine. Throw that one in the cart for me. No, the store doesn't have that old lady restrained in that chair. She's getting her blood pressure checked. Why they put it right next to the condoms and the lube, I haven't got a clue. No! No! No! Don't get the ones you dropped. Just leave the box on her lap and get another...

Oh, I am so sorry, ma'am. If you could just stop screaming for a minute. I'm sure that's not good for your blood pressure. No. He's not a pervert, I promise.

You're the store manager, sir? I never have seen anyone jump over one of those check out lines like that. Yes, we'll be happy to step into your office.

No, you weren't under arrest. You're not going to have a police record. The guy was laughing. It's fine. Let's go. We have more things to buy. He said he'd leave the cart by the pharmacy window. Here it is.