April Fools Month - jokes & pics thread

[osreb]

I just knew he'd bounce back!!!!!!

Tiger has a new sponcer.

You can’t have just one!!!!!

[osreb]

Two couples were playing poker one evening.
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he
bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue
wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon
trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'

Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well, indeed he did.

She said, 'Well, you can have it
but it will cost you $500....'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer,
Jim confirmed that he was interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't,
Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the
agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife:
'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes,
he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly
skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes,
in fact he did give me $500.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this
morning and borrowed $500 from me.
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.

[osreb]

babe in porn traning

[osreb]

O'Malley was arrested and sent to trial for armed bank robbery.


After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, 'Not guilty, your Honor.'


'That's grand,' shouted O'Malley, 'Does that mean I get to keep the money

[osreb]

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?
Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?"

"Oh yes, Papa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single ass hole, dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today!"

[osreb]

A blonde drops off her little black dress at the dry cleaners.

As she walks out the door, the lady at the counter, says 'come again.'

The blonde turns back and shouts, "No! it's toothpaste this time you nosey b*tch."

[osreb]

here is an ides for all you last minute Valentine Day shoppers

[osreb]

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as R-A-P-E (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be R@PED can apply to Congress to be considered for the
SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been R@PED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be R@PED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate..

Persons who have been R@PED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any
further by Congress.

Persons who are not R@PED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

[osreb]

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,
'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'


The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'


A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'


The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: 'Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black!'

[osreb]

In ancient Rome, the services of prostitutes were paid with special money (tokens).
In fact, these are very interesting tokens.