my favs

[bbgapril]

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,

"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.

She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.

We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,

"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Sobbing...

Naked...

and erect.

[bbgapril]

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

[bbgapril]

Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water".

"Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified.

"Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs".

"And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?" asks the little lady.

"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".

[bbgapril]

Hello to everyone and a welcome greetings to all

[bbgapril]

I have to give all the credit for these posts to the original posters, and if I post a picture more than once, my apologies.

[bbgapril]

Not too far away from me, there is a twentyish young lady who runs a jewelry shop

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She is this cute, bubbly woman, you know the type. She wears hippie skirts with flats and leggings, skips everywhere she goes, glasses with the short two toned hair colors, and is a fine artist.

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I've had her do some work for me, and I would never go elsewhere once I have seem her work.

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I can buy the metals from her or bring them to her and have the custom made items done for a price. She is fair in her prices and a pleasure to talk to. She made a broach for my wife that is so detailed, in the small beading is written our names.

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I have not seen her in months, but when a birthday or anniversary comes around, I find myself her shop, and she is waiting for me with a fresh pot of coffee and home made cookies. We would sit around and talk while she melts the metal and begins the process of turning it into art.