The Great Bride Thread

[osreb]

A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.Well, he's a little ticked off so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal..
'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.
I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.
I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I ?'

[osreb]

The 'PerfectPassword'

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at
the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised
him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he
will use to log on.

The husband was a rather amorous mood and figured he would
try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's
attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his
password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was
entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:

P...E...N...I...S

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer
replied:
**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

[osreb]

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom
on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about
what her son has seen.

She dresses quickly and goes to find him..

The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'
The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big
tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..'

'You are wasting your time,' said the boy.

'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.

'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up again!!

[therocket]

Nothing much, just one "caught" pic from the bride getting dressed.

N-Joy fellow pervs.

[apple123]

Originally Posted by therocket

Nothing much, just one "caught" pic from the bride getting dressed.

N-Joy fellow pervs.

Now that was phenomenal.

[oregonlt3]

the only one I have, from my cousins wedding.

[osreb]

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

[osreb]

70 Things Not To Say To A Man Who Is Penis-Impared~

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Stop fingering me and fuck me.
4. I'm sorry.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don't we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It's more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a night crawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27.. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. All right, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn't know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won't take long.
36. Let's just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you're done..
50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it's hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What is that?
57. Does thiis run in your family?
58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
65. Deep throat??? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!!!
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Why can't you be more like Buffalo?

[ronmexico]

Originally Posted by oregonlt3

the only one I have, from my cousins wedding.

love to know the backstory here. How'd you get the pics and how do you know the girl? Embarrased that the pics are out or does she even know?

[inquisitive]

Originally Posted by oregonlt3

the only one I have, from my cousins wedding.

You must have caught the bridesmaid here. The bride was in the process of taking it off. If only you waited for a few more seconds to take another shot. Oh well.