The Great Bride Thread

[osreb]

Child Support Agency Forms.

The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing
Fathers''s name details.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly

From behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.
She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter.
He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had It replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was I'm-Maculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have Cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look The same to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs Earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

[osreb]

DECODING DICTIONARY.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:


40-ish............................49.
Adventurous..................Slept with everyone.
Athletic..........................No breasts.
Average looking............Moooo.
Beautiful........................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure.......On medication.
Feminist........................Fat.
Free Spirit....................Junkie.
Friendship first.............Former sl*t.
New-Age......................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned..............No B.J.'s.
Open-minded...............Desperate.
Outgoing......................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional.................b*tch.
Voluptuous......... ........Very fat.
Large frame.................Hugely fat.


-----------

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes...................................No.
No....................................Yes.
Maybe..............................No
We need..........................I want.
We need to talk...............You're in trouble.
Sure, go ahead...............You better not.
Do what you want...........You will pay for this later.

I am not upset...................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight.....Is sex all you ever think about?

---------

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry.....................I am hungry.
I am sleepy......................I am sleepy.
I am tired.........................I am tired.
Nice dress.......................Nice cleavage!
I love you........................Let's have sex now.
I am bored.......................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?..........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit.............I'm gay

[osreb]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down

[inquisitive]

I still can't get over this pic? Is this real or some staged pic? The guy doesn't look like the groom. Anyone know the real story behind this pic. Damn!

The pic is the one where the guy bends over the bride and slides his left arm near her panties like he wants to rub it.

[butterman]

Happiest day

[osreb]

Dealing With Women

Men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women for thousands
of years, Finally, this guide helps you understand just how it works.
Always remember, to make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you
get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects. Hey, it's her game, you might as
well learn how to play.


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed............................................... .+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......-1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2
You leave the toilet seat up....................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..............+5
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.............-2
You go out to buy her extra -light panty liners with wings......+5
in the rain.............................................. .......+8
but return with beer............................................-1
and no pads.............................................. .......-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.......................+1
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..............nada
You check out a supicious noise and it is something............+5
You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10
It's her cat............................................... .....-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party...........................nada
You stay by her side for a while, then leave
with a drinking buddy...........................................-2
Named Tiffany........................................... ........-20
Tiffany is a dancer............................................ .-50
With breast implants.......................................... ..-100

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.......................................+1
You buy a card and flowers......................................+2
You take her out to dinner......................................+5
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+6
Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-20
And it's all-you-can-eat night.................................-30
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team.....................-40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal............................................... ....nada
The pal is happily married......................................+1
The pal is single............................................ ...-10
He drives a Ferrari........................................... ..-20
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...............................+5
You take her to a movie you hate................................+8
You take her to a movie you like................................-5
It's called Death Cop III.......................................-10
it features Cyborgs that eat humans.............................-15
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-20

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".................-1000

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......................................-10
You reply, "Where?".......................................... ...-35
You reply, "No, honey, I think
it's your butt"............................................. ...Game_Over

[090786]

thanks for the pretty pics

[dave_9er]

Here's two

[Rhinoxxbaby]

Dress slipping

[osreb]

Results of a recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex:

The first kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone
And you both have sex until you are blue in the face.


The second kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time
And you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


The third kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time.
Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The fourth kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner for too long.
When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'


The fifth kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

* Which means you get Nun in the morning,
Nun in the afternoon
And Nun at night.
(Very Popular)


The sixth kind is called: Courtroom Sex.

* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.


And; Last, but not least,

The seventh kind of sex is called: Australian Pension Sex.

* You get a little each month,

But, not enough to enjoy your self.



PLEASE,
DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems!!!