[Exhibitionist] My nude performance on stage

[KarlMalone]

Do you have a desire to be naked in front of others again?

[meg2001]

Originally Posted by pball2295

Just curious Meg, given that you've said you have exhibitionist tendencies, what is it about flashing your tits at a party or posting a nude online that feels non-erotic? Is it that it's a very easy to do, anyone can do it, and it feels sloppy rather than elegant?

I'm genuinely curious - not being combative in any way. In part, I'm asking because my inclination is (I think) to feel the opposite of you! Art and performance just isn't very erotic to me. It's...artistic. I prefer nudity when it's fun, sexy, revealing, and taboo. Nudity doesn't feel like those things in art to me.

Granted, I can completely understand why the situation you described was a turn on for you, Andrew, and everyone else. Just not quite sure I understand why the other forms of exhibitionism you described are an explicit turn off, because they seem in the same exhibitionist family.

Finally in case it isn't clear, this not me trying to convince you to post nudes lolol. I think I just find where you draw the lines to be surprising.

Hmm like I said sometimes it's easier to know that you are turned on or off than it is to know why. But it's not about sloppy vs elegant. I think the things I mentioned as turn offs don't work for me because they make me feel sl*tty.

I think it comes down to reason for the exposure. If someone accidentally sees me nude through the curtain of a changing room, that's a turn on. If I get caught in the rain and my shirt becomes sheer and people see, that's a turn on. If I'm having sex and a roommate walks in and sees me in the act, that's a turn on.

But if I am the one orchestrating my own exposure, for the sake of my own arousal, the whole thing backfires. I think there's a deep shame and guilt associated with being sl*tty for me. So I need a trick of the brain to avoid that getting in the way.

So when I was a puppet, in a nude performance art piece, with other people posing and exposing my body, it allowed me to be completely free from that guilt and shame. I wasn't showing this crowd my pussy lips so it would turn me on. Someone else was showing them my pussy lips for the sake of this intellectual artistic message about society. And the fact that it turned me on was a wonderful side effect that I could enjoy without interference.

I don't know if that makes sense or not but it's the best I can describe it.

[meg2001]

Originally Posted by KarlMalone

Do you have a desire to be naked in front of others again?

Yes I definitely do. And I’m positive I will do it again. The question is: do we develop a different show (we are looking at a variety of plays) or do we revive Puppets and see if there’s more work to do with that. Colin and Lucy want to keep going with Puppets. (It’s easy for them because they aren’t naked, haha). I have mixed feelings about it.

Part of me wants a role in an edgy drama where I have dialogue and character development. Acting is the reason I got involved in this group to begin with. But so far the plays we’ve looked at are too tepid. This is where I ask for your help - if you guys know of any really edgy, boundary pushing plays, I would love to hear about them. We are thinking about developing our own script based on La Ronde. We would update it and modernize it and could stage it as bold as we wanted. I think our troupe has developed a bit of a shock reputation, which we like, but it seems hard to find material out there to perform.

If we do continue with Puppets, we might move it out of the pub to a different venue. Colin really wants to take it to Fringe but I don’t think anything like that is going to happen this year.

But if we continue with Puppets, we’d want to develop it further. We really only had a month or so of work on it. One of the things we thought was to introduce props. We didn't have enough rehearsal time to develop that fully so we didn't end up including it.

I know you guys are less interested in it, so I don’t focus on it, but in the violence scene (which is half the performance) Colin is a puppet and has this superhuman ability to balance and hold still. Which works to great effect, but we thought to introduce some elements of “danger” where he is posed on top of unstable things where a fall would be consequential.

What we found in both the violence and sex scene is that the key to holding the audience’s attention was creating tension. So for the sex scene that tension was created by the audience wondering how far something might go. Threaten to cross a boundary, creating tension around it and then pushing past it to the next one.

At the start, no one knew (for sure) we were going to be nude. So we created tension around the undressing. Are they going to take her bra off? The poser would tease it, unhook my bra but not remove it. Pose my arms in a way that the bra was still there, dangling loosely and everyone is wondering, am I going to catch a glimpse of nipple? Then off it comes and you’re teasing the next boundary. Later, oh my god, they put her hand so close to his bare cock. Is that planned or accidental? Are they going to make her touch it? Then, boom here they are wrapping my fist around it. But what makes it compelling is the lead up, the tense can’t-look-away, holding-my-breath, oh-my-god-are-they-really-going-to, then - boom - the payoff. And then escalating, doing it over and over and over.

So back the idea of introducing props, here were some of the things we tried. We talked about a condom - one fun thing we rehearsed was if (when) Andrew got hard during a performance, instead of turning the pose to hide it, we would have Lucy unwrap a condom and make a show of putting it on him. Only then we would turn him and hide it. But it might get a laugh and would introduce this extra level of tension with the audience like is he going to penetrate her now that he has a condom on?

We looked at clothespins - I wasn't sure how much I wanted to endure pain on top of everything else. The other guy poser (Glenn) was really into this idea and other things like it. I just don’t know. We never tried it in a rehearsal. I supposed if we revive the show we’d try it during rehearsal and see how it went.

We thought about a dildo - not necessarily for penetration, but the added tension of just seeing that on stage would be great. The audience would certainly be wondering "will they or won't they." We rehearsed with one once. It led to some great poses. Like me in doggy, back arched, Andrew kneeling next to me, grabbing my hair in his fist, threatening to penetrate me with the dildo in the other hand. Then Lucy put a condom on the dildo and then she slathered it with lube. I know this was a great way to create tension because the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy. Something about preparing the dildo for entry made it feel more real, like maybe she’s going to do this. All she’d have to do is push his hand forward. Then she made me hold the dildo and made Andrew stand up and bend over with his hands on the ground. I could see the look of fear in his eyes haha. So I don’t know where we’d go with it, like I said we only workshopped with it in once rehearsal, but just having the dildo prop in play added this palpable threat of penetration.

Lucy wanted to introduce a vibrator. I was sure that if there was a vibrator involved I would climax on stage. And I wasn't sure I was ready for that to be honest. Plus I felt like there's no way I could hold still during that so it would break the illusion.

We rehearsed with a blindfold once. It was weird just holding still and not being able to see. The posers said it would have an interesting impact on the audience though. Because the idea is like does this puppet even know what's happening or about to happen to them.

But here’s where I ask for your help again - do you guys have any interesting ideas for props that we could try? Or interesting ways to use a prop to introduce tension?

Do I ramble on in my posts? Sorry if they are too long, don’t want to bore you.

[raysallx]

Originally Posted by meg2001

Hmm like I said sometimes it's easier to know that you are turned on or off than it is to know why. But it's not about sloppy vs elegant. I think the things I mentioned as turn offs don't work for me because they make me feel sl*tty.

I think it comes down to reason for the exposure. If someone accidentally sees me nude through the curtain of a changing room, that's a turn on. If I get caught in the rain and my shirt becomes sheer and people see, that's a turn on. If I'm having sex and a roommate walks in and sees me in the act, that's a turn on.

But if I am the one orchestrating my own exposure, for the sake of my own arousal, the whole thing backfires. I think there's a deep shame and guilt associated with being sl*tty for me. So I need a trick of the brain to avoid that getting in the way.

So when I was a puppet, in a nude performance art piece, with other people posing and exposing my body, it allowed me to be completely free from that guilt and shame. I wasn't showing this crowd my pussy lips so it would turn me on. Someone else was showing them my pussy lips for the sake of this intellectual artistic message about society. And the fact that it turned me on was a wonderful side effect that I could enjoy without interference.

I don't know if that makes sense or not but it's the best I can describe it.

I does make sense. One of the things people write about on this forum is "plausible deniability." Men talk about their wives or girlfriends showing off their bodies, but being able to deny it was intentional (and in some cases it probably wasn't). For example: "I didn't know my swim suit was transparent when wet," or "I didn't realize people could see into our room when I was walking around naked."

In your case it was the posers that were making you expose yourself, which, as you say, absolved you from any guilt. I'm glad to hear it was a turn on for you in any case. Thanks for posting!

[pball2295]

Originally Posted by meg2001

I don't know if that makes sense or not but it's the best I can describe it.

Actually, that explanation makes a ton of sense Meg. It would have been fine if you couldn't put your finger on it...but that was a pretty interesting self-analysis. Needless to say, I think sl*t shaming (and self-sl*t shaming) is a societal travesty...ultimately born out of patterns of male insecurity and embedded patriarchy. But I imagine, as a woman, even if you know intellectually it's bullshit...stuff like that is deep seated.

And if you get a kink out of exhibitionism because of it, shit, might as well take full advantage! I will say, I do loveeee the pussy lips on a runway scenario.

Sidenote (anyone can chime in here)...What I find super interesting about this little online community you stumbled into is while most of the men here are pretty kinky...and potentially (definitely) a bit sexually supressed...I've been super impressed with the genuine level of class and respect usually exhibited by men on this site. Like...me asking you to post nudes of yourself is just about as disrespectful as it gets here, lol. Pretty far cry from other sex inspired places. And I'm not man hating at all..just being real.

Anyway, sorry to get all nerdy amidst your hot stories. Onward!

[Iou]

Meg, could you tell us more about your interactions with the audience during the performance and afterwards? Did you tend to make eye contact with people? What other kinds of reactions did they have?

How many were strangers, acquaintances, friends? What was the energy like in the room after it was over? Did you hang around with audience members afterwards, and did it lead to any hookups? Did you ever have sex after a show?

[daveduchovny]

Originally Posted by meg2001

But here’s where I ask for your help again - do you guys have any interesting ideas for props that we could try? Or interesting ways to use a prop to introduce tension?

1) Whip cream
2) Chocolate sauce
3) A banana. Or maybe a cucumber.
4) Something sticky. Scotch tape, parcel tape etc
5) Rope
6) A cowbell
7) Christmas decorations - tinsel, baubles
8) A paddle, or a birch tree branch
9) Ping pong balls
10) A toy gun with the word "CHECKOV" written in large visible letters.

[meg2001]

Just in case anyone PM'd me and hasn't gotten a reply. It keeps saying I can only send 2 PMs every 12 hours.

So answers to your PM questions:

1. Spanish
2. No, I didn't because I require some friction and there is frustratingly little rubbing during the still poses. I almost always did afterwards though.
3. Yes, they would open our mouths and even pose our tongues. Andrew and I did touch tongues and I had many of my body parts placed in his mouth and the other way around. But remember the poses were still, so there wasn't exactly "kissing" or "sucking".
4. I think I said it before but his obsession with my feet. He was always pointing my toes, pressing my feet up against something or other, putting my toes in Andrew's mouth. It didn't bother me though.
5. Straight but open minded and experimental.

Try to match your question to the answers above haha.

[meg2001]

Originally Posted by daveduchovny

1) Whip cream
2) Chocolate sauce
3) A banana. Or maybe a cucumber.
4) Something sticky. Scotch tape, parcel tape etc
5) Rope
6) A cowbell
7) Christmas decorations - tinsel, baubles
8) A paddle, or a birch tree branch
9) Ping pong balls
10) A toy gun with the word "CHECKOV" written in large visible letters.

Thanks Dave! You have been quite helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to brainstorm suggestions.

Some of your ideas sound quite fun to play with, but might be problematic in practice. The thing that's easy to forget is that our poses are still. I mean, with three posers there is always constant motion and some element of one of the puppets is being moved. But I wonder if a cowbell or ping pong ball might require movement by the puppet to really come to life. Maybe I am lacking imagination.

And if a poser put whipped cream or chocolate syrup on me, Andrew couldn't lick it off. At best it would get smeared around and remain for the rest of the performance. Perhaps that's still interesting although I wonder if coating our bodies in oil at some point during the sequence might achieve the same effect in a more aesthetic way. I think the glistening of oil could add something and it would be interesting to see what kinds of poses might be enhanced by the slippery effect.

My favorite from your list is rope! In fact I am quite intrigued by the idea that the puppets could be bound in various ways. We definitely included themes of dominance and submission in the poses. We go through a sequence with Andrew grabbing a fistful of my hair while I'm on my knees, his hand on my neck, me posed like I'm going to take a facial with my tongue out, holding my breasts, etc. I wonder what it would be like to introduce rope. My hands tied behind my back, or my ankles tied to my thighs. Or even having Andrew and I bound together in interesting poses. I am no expert in bondage, but I have a feeling Glenn (one of the guy posers) would be really excited to run with that idea.

Thanks again!!

[KarlMalone]

I love your ramblings, I always like hearing about a woman's side of exhibitionism.