The Great Bride Thread

[slimac]

Looks like a fun wedding!

[osreb]

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not
gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know
he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to
remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

[osreb]

Having already downed a few power drinks at a local pub, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said,'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn't matter to me.I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
'No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?'

[butterman]

assorted wedding pics that don't go in the family album, maybe?

[figg]

Thanx a million....something about brides gets me going...maybe its the all white or knowing they are have mad sex at the end of the night

[osreb]

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is
engaged,one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our
men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our
eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it
all went.

My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He
saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then
we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at
his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over
my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I
was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask
over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

'What's for dinner Batman?

[buffermister]

anyone got anything new? It's mostly the same girls again and again!

[osreb]

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared on down I-75.He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and he tromped on it some more, and flew down the road at over 100 mph, then 110, 120mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes, and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me any reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

[dave_9er]

enjoy

[osreb]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's just about perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her behind look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....
---- -------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....